It’s not about the hair dye

My resolution for 2013 is this: choose and let go.

It started with two conversations. One about sun screen choices and whether a sun screen exists that is chemical-free enough for our little angels. The second on whether dying your hair while pregnant is tantamount to criminal battery of a fetus.

I love a good discussion on any topic. What drives us, interests us, and influences our choices is fascinating and we live at a time when our access to other people’s thoughts and opinions is unprecedented. There is no shortage of debate or scrutiny in the media age of parenting.

Depending on personalities, upbringing, and philosophies, these decisions can seem like the most pressing issues in the world. I say that with no irony. I stressed over formula and whether to circumcise and how or if to set a sleep schedule. Inside my head, though, these conversations bothered me. We are splitting hairs on the asses of atoms and fighting over which way tiny pieces of neutrons spin. Meanwhile, the elephant carrying the dust mote on which we sit plummets over the side of the abyss to certain death.

Some choices change us. They send ripples through the still glass surface of our souls. In the last seven years, I have decided whether to relinquish my parental rights to a child who was hurting the other children in my home. I have decided whether to terminate a doomed pregnancy or see it through to its stillbirth end. Standing on this side, I can laugh at myself. I can call back over the agitated waters to the woman I was: “Don’t sweat the sunscreen, honey. Or the formula. Or the sleep schedule. If Trisomy 13 ever enters your life, it won’t have anything to do with whether you dyed your hair or what you ate or whether you slept on your left side with one arm above your head. Nothing at all.”

So choose the most chemical-free sunscreen of all. Or don’t. Just choose and let it go. Skin cancer is going to affect a certain percentage of people no matter what I choose. And chemical-free sunscreen probably reduces that percentage as much as chemical-ful sun screen in the long run. What do I fear? The loss of an IQ point? Not being the best mommy possible?

That’s not about the sun screen and it’s not about the hair dye.

A lot of people think it’s about god. It must be. If our choices, our free will, can’t make a difference, then surely there is a grander plan.

I read a few blogs by incredible women of faith. Tara, Kristen and Jennie inspire me with their grace. I love how faith underlies their lives rather than directing them. I love how their faith teaches them understanding and not judgment.

But my mind screams at me when I contemplate faith as the answer: “god’s” answer to childhood skin cancer is genetic selection. In nature’s plan, children too delicate to survive the rays of the sun do not live long enough to breed and pass their weak genetics on to future generations.

It’s not cruel or kind. Good or evil. It just is. There is a certain beauty in the cruelty without malice of strictly ordered systems. Stars explode. Suns burn life away. Water sustains and drowns. Weak creatures adapt or die.

Is that the answer? Do we bow our heads to survival of the fittest? Hell no. It is the saving grace of humanity – it encompasses ALL that is good about us and our puny struggles – that since the beginning of time we have looked into the eyes of nature’s plan and said FUCK NO. Uh uh. We won’t lie down and let children die of skin cancer on our watch. We spit in the teeth of your natural order. Of your beautifully cruel rules. We’re gonna invent us some hats. And some sun screen. And if that’s not enough, we’ll invent chemotherapy and surgery and radiation treatment. TAKE THAT, Gods.

We are stunning in our refusal to accept maliceless injustice.

But we forget. It’s still a choice. Here in our pretty first world we give to childhood cancer research. And we must accept that we have failed to choose starvation in Haiti. Give to starvation? You ignore child slavery in Bangledesh. Give to all three? What about Malaria in Africa? Childbirth mortality in Nepal? Foster children? The homeless?

The danger is not in choosing. The danger is in failing to acknowledge that it’s a choice because that is when I start to imagine that there is only one way through this maze of choices called life and that I have the right of it. Is any one of us so perfect as to truly believe that “I” and “I alone” have found the right path through? There a trillion paths and they all make it to the other side, whatever that is. Am I so sure?

Choose, god yes, choose. It’s all we have – to choose and be happy with our choices, remembering that for most choices in this world there is an equal and opposite choice. Choose a vegan, organic diet for your children, but know that some child raised on doritos, oreos and coke will live longer and be healthier than your child. Choose attachment parenting, but know that your securely attached child could end up in therapy just as easily any other child. Choose a media-free existence and know that somewhere out there the next Bill Gates is playing video games 8 hours a day and learning to program. And my god, that child is going to have a happy, happy life. Choose public school or Montessori or Catholic school or homeschooling or unschooling or military schooling and never lose sight of the fact that there is a kid in rural China practicing math in the dirt right at this moment who will win the Nobel Prize. Choose breastfeeding over formula or vice versa, holding tight to the knowledge that some children have no choice but slow death by dehydration.

I just don’t want to choose judgment over understanding. Because the minute we mark our choices as right by marking other choices as wrong, we lose the power of choice.

My challenge to myself in 2013 and to all debating, writing, amazing parents of the first social media generation: Choose. Choose passionately. Choose carefully. Tell us about it from your heart. It’s a precious, precious gift. But for the love of everything, let’s not throw it away worrying ourselves to nubs. And most of all, let’s not waste it spending time justifying our choices and denigrating someone else’s.

Choose and let go.

74 Responses to It’s not about the hair dye
  1. Mama D
    January 13, 2013 | 12:30 am

    Ain’t that the truth. There is no choice worse than choosing to do nothing at all!

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 1:23 am

      A choice in itself! xo, thanks for reading all that ;-)

  2. anna see
    January 13, 2013 | 1:24 am

    Choose and let go. I like this a lot. I have learned so much about all of the structure and strictures I held close for so many years as I did things the “right” way, or so I thought.
    xooxoxo

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 2:37 am

      I wish you hadn’t learned it. And I can’t believe I didn’t include you in my list of woman of faith I adore. You are certainly on it!

  3. Liz
    January 13, 2013 | 1:36 am

    This gave me goosebumps, it resonates so much with me. Thank you for putting words to this.

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 2:37 am

      Thank you for reading my long, rambling thoughts.

  4. Mel
    January 13, 2013 | 2:02 am

    This is powerful advice. I very much respect how you always manage to keep in mind the connectedness of the world, the fact that respecting one another even in our different choices, even as we walk our different paths, is such an important, maybe the most important, thing.

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 2:38 am

      Not always, but I try. xo. I hope you’re having bright moments. You’ve been in my thoughts.

  5. Tracey
    January 13, 2013 | 2:03 am

    Powerful. Very articulate. Thank you for this! Choose and let go – I’m going to make it my resolution for 2013 as well.

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 2:40 am

      Love it. Let’s see if I can actually do it!

  6. Arnebya
    January 13, 2013 | 2:47 am

    You’re right; it’s not about dye or sunscreen really. Not choosing is much worse than making a choice for whatever reason – whatever reason you find that fits in your beliefs — and sticking to it. I choose to respect others’ choices. That’s what I choose.

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 4:12 am

      Yes, that’s much simpler than I put it. Respect others’ choices because we all have to choose.

  7. Tara
    January 13, 2013 | 3:21 am

    “I just don’t want to choose judgment over understanding. Because the minute we mark our choices as right by marking other choices as wrong, we lose the power of choice.” (you)

    – AMEN. The last place I want to find myself seated is in the big know-it-all chair of judgment.

    Read this in Brene Brown’s most recent book this week and marked the page:

    “You can’t claim to care about the welfare of children if you’re shaming other parents for the choices they’re making. Those are mutually exclusive behaviors and they create a huge values gap. Yes, most of us (myself included) have strong opinions on many topics, but if we really care about the broader welfare of children, our job is to make choices that are aligned with our values and support other parents who are doing the same. Our job is also to tend to our own worthiness. When we feel good about the choices we are making and when we’re engaging with the world from a place of worthiness rather than scarcity, we feel no need to judge and attack.”

    You’re one of my favorite bloggers so I felt pretty honored to be mentioned in this post! :)

    kenbe fo, pa lage mama

  8. Tara
    January 13, 2013 | 3:22 am

    “I just don’t want to choose judgment over understanding. Because the minute we mark our choices as right by marking other choices as wrong, we lose the power of choice.” (you)

    – AMEN. The last place I want to find myself seated is in the big know-it-all chair of judgment.

    Read this in Brene Brown’s most recent book this week and marked the page:

    “You can’t claim to care about the welfare of children if you’re shaming other parents for the choices they’re making. Those are mutually exclusive behaviors and they create a huge values gap. Yes, most of us (myself included) have strong opinions on many topics, but if we really care about the broader welfare of children, our job is to make choices that are aligned with our values and support other parents who are doing the same. Our job is also to tend to our own worthiness. When we feel good about the choices we are making and when we’re engaging with the world from a place of worthiness rather than scarcity, we feel no need to judge and attack.”

    You’re one of my favorite bloggers so I felt pretty honored to be mentioned in this post! :)

    kenbe fo, pa lage !! (hold strong – don’t let go!)

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 4:20 am

      Brene Brown’s book is on my reading list. I really love that quote. And you’re one of my favorite bloggers, so I feel pretty honored that you read what I write here.

  9. Tara
    January 13, 2013 | 3:26 am

    grrrr. it wouldn’t take and then it took twice. sorry!

  10. suburbancorrespondent
    January 13, 2013 | 3:39 am

    I think, in a way, that you are talking about humility. We tend to pride ourselves on our parenting choices, when really that isn’t the point at all. It’s our love for our children that is important, not the manner in which we express it, if that makes any sense. It’s the love we share with them that stretches our hearts and helps us to grow; and it’s the pain we experience through them that does likewise. All the rest? It’s just commentary.

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 10:08 pm

      Yes, I think so. And when you give your own commentary without humility, it becomes judgment maybe.

  11. Angela
    January 13, 2013 | 3:41 am

    You forgot to mention whether or not to vaccinate! *ducks head*

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 4:24 am

      Vaccinate! (Ducks head.) Um I mean, don’t vaccinate, holding tightly to the knowledge that you only have that choice because the rest of us herd animals take the stick for you and provide you with a world where the infinitesimal risk of harm from vaccine outweighs the risk of death or crippling by polio.

      Shit, you already found my weak spot. I AM NOT JUDGING. Just opinionating ;-)

      • Anymommy
        January 13, 2013 | 4:27 am

        P.S. I do understand that there are valid reasons for not vaccinating. Truly.

        • Gayle
          January 13, 2013 | 7:11 am

          My mother had polio as a child and could not do so many things with me when I was a child so I’m a vaccination believer… but as you say… let’s not judge. To each his own.

  12. Korinthia Klein
    January 13, 2013 | 4:23 am

    Honestly, this is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. I’m impressed with the way you’ve juxtaposed the simplicity of making a choice with acknowledging the complexity of its context. You are an excellent writer.

    People sometimes ask why I read blogs, and this, this is why. Because some of the best writing ever is happening in people’s own private corners of the web. Thank you for this and for your blog in general

    • Anymommy
      January 13, 2013 | 4:33 am

      Oh what a lovely thing to say, and I agree 100% that some of the best writing I have ever read has been and continues to be on blogs – often quiet, little ones.

  13. Joy
    January 13, 2013 | 5:06 am

    made me chuckle and gave me food for thought. excellent post.

  14. Amelia
    January 13, 2013 | 6:57 am

    Wow. I really need help in this area. Excellent post, something I need to take residence in the back of my brain.

  15. Gayle
    January 13, 2013 | 7:08 am

    Best thing I’ve heard this year …. to not chose judgement. What great advice. I have no problem with the other choices… my kids are raised eating chemicals while watching too much television and playing M rated video games at 6 while being at the top of their 1st grade class. Ho hum. And your vegan eating home-schooling children would get a ho-hum out of me…

    let’s just not judge each other. Live and let live. (About sick of politics and “the right way to live” being shoved down my throat). Hope more judgemental people listen to how smart you are. :)

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:35 am

      I seriously want to come live with you for a month. Except for that whole frozen into a lump of ice thing.

  16. One Hurting Mama
    January 13, 2013 | 7:31 am

    Wow! Just Wow!

    “My name is Laurel, and I used to be quite judgmental.” (Can we have a 12 step program, please, to implement this?)

    Seriously. I have learned oh. so. much. the past few years about giving GRACE . . . about LOVING unconditionally . . . about FORGIVING . . . about stating what I BELIEVE (you bet I will speak my mind), but ACCEPTING when others don’t agree.

    I have also learned how absolutely devastatingly PAINFUL it is when others judge and condemn.

    In 2008 . . . I lost my job (due to over-the-top politics in our local public schools). I was judged, and lost many close friends.

    In 2009 . . . we had to disrupt the adoption of one of our children (because he was sexually abusing his youngest sister). We were condemned, and lost the rest of our friends.

    In 2010 . . . my husband made some very poor choices. Our adult children judged and condemned us, and walked away from our family.

    In 2011 . . . I got pregnant (at age 49), and we were oh.so.judged. and condemned. At least we didnt’ have any more friends to lose.

    In 2011 . . . our eldest son got his young girlfriend pregnant. Good thing we weren’t trying to look like the “perfect family” any more. And, again, we had no more friends to lose.

    In 2012 . . . we had to place the youngest adopted daughter in a Residential Care Facility because of the trauma and abuse by her brother (which then turned to rage towards the rest of us at home). By this time, we hardly knew anyone to judge us, but we sure could have used some friends to support us.

    In 2012 . . . one of our adult daughters moved in with her boyfriend. Glad we already lost the “perfect family” status.

    Through it all . . .

    . . . I loved my husband unconditionally, despite his poor choices.

    . . . I loved my eldest son, his pregnant girlfriend, and my first grandchild. What a beautiful family they have become.

    . . . I loved my daughter that moved across the world to live with her boyfriend. She has thanked me for not condemning her.

    I have given them grace. I have forgiven poor choices. I have loved them through it all.

    Oh. How. I. Wish. . . . that my old friends, and young adult children could learn to do the same.

    Sorry for rambling. Just some things I would love to say on my blog, but must keep quiet in order to not bring more judgement and condemnation upon my head.

    Hugs. Thanks for writing. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    I’m sure you know who I am . . . but will not link to my blog this time.

    :) :) :)

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:39 am

      I do know and I think your story is amazing … and at the same time, it sounds like life to me and the things that life throws at you. I wish you felt more support IRL and more ability to share, but I’m glad you’re here.

      • One Hurting Mama
        January 18, 2013 | 1:01 am

        Thanks.

        Sometimes it just feels good to share “anonymously” on someone else’s blog, the things I can’t share on my own blog.

        I always appreciate your writing (even the occasional swear words that I used to judge and condemn people for). Where is that 12 Step Group that I need? “I used to be addicted to judging . . . back when I was the mother of a perfect family.”

        :) :) :)

  17. jen
    January 13, 2013 | 8:05 am

    i love this. do i tell you that everytime? because i do. everytime.

    this is it. feel it with your heart.fully. and i will respect you with every ounce of my being. but allow me to feel the same or differently or still on the fence. and don’t make me think that i’m wrong because of the choices that i made for me and my kids.

    so … yes. this. i stand with you in the push to not judge and be judged … but to support.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:39 am

      Yes. And, completely unrelated, I keep seeing your gorgeous pictures on Galit’s blog and I’m SO jealous. I want you to take pictures of us!!!

  18. Robin from Israel
    January 13, 2013 | 10:47 am

    Amen and amen.

    PS For what it’s worth, my second child taught me the humility that I needed. Everything we thought *we’d* been responsible for? Sheer hubris. #2 was raised by the same parents in the same set of circumstances, with wildly different results.

    Many years later they’re both wonderful, loving, intelligent, capable (middle-sized) children, but I’ve learned to let them take the credit for that. I’m just here to provide a bit of guidance. The path they ultimately walk is their own.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:40 am

      Oh my gosh yes. They just kind of happen to be how they are. I’ve learned that lesson too!

  19. Alison
    January 13, 2013 | 1:59 pm

    “I just don’t want to choose judgment over understanding. Because the minute we mark our choices as right by marking other choices as wrong, we lose the power of choice.”

    This, this right here, this is what it’s all about.

    We all choose, tempered by our beliefs, our faith, our knowledge, and to an extent, our rights. Each and everyone of us choose in OUR context. So how do we justify judging someone in their choices, within their context? We cannot. And yet, so many do, and are ‘rage against the machine’ angry with other people’s choices. That is what I don’t get. Expand your energy on more worthwhile endeavors, is what I want to shout at them.

    But then, I am in danger myself of going down the path of choosing judgment over understanding. It’s complex, this simple matter of choices.

    Excellent post, as always Stacey. I like how you make me think every time I read your writing.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:41 am

      In our context. That is exactly the crux of it.

  20. Shannon
    January 13, 2013 | 3:50 pm

    This post says so much in such an effective manner. It makes me want to reach through the screen and hug you. Sorry. Is that scary? It’s just that you wrote exactly the words that I feel. Not every choice is as monumental as it feels at the time, and there are very few choices worth casting judgement over. Make your choice, make peace with your choice, and with the others who did not choose it, and move on! High five to you, wise one.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:41 am

      Not scary at all. I love hugs.

  21. Ellen
    January 13, 2013 | 9:50 pm

    Stacey, this is why I love this blog. You always give everyone something to think about.

  22. Lisa K
    January 13, 2013 | 9:54 pm

    So… are you reading my mind or something? What a great post. Yesterday I was having all sorts of thoughts along the same line while trapped on my couch with the flu and forced (out of sheer boredom) to read facebook fights about working vs stay at home moms (of all the inane parenting choices to fight about!). I almost wrote something similar myself, but decided it would take too much energy, and instead whined to my husband about how “people I barely know on facebook are fighting about stupid things that don’t matter!” (I am sure he loved that). It’s for the better, I would never have said it this well. Seriously. Great post, great thoughts. Made my whole morning to read it.
    -Lisa

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:43 am

      This made my evening! I have been known to feel passionately about things that don’t matter, but I’m trying (trying!) to keep perspective.

  23. tracey
    January 13, 2013 | 10:02 pm

    You know what? I think this may just be my favorite piece you’ve ever written. Seriously. I loved it, Stacey.

    I have made my choice and it is THIS POST.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:45 am

      I adore you. Also, we need to talk Chicago and hugs and stuff.

  24. Brittany
    January 14, 2013 | 1:59 am

    Stacey you touched so many people with these words. I have been unable to adequately phrase these feelings because I did not think about how far down the list of important things this goes. Yes, the judgement that others place on us and we place on ourselves for something like hairdye (or, I remember a few years back your post about another mother giving her child soda) or sunscreen or deli meat etc etc. Taking it to the smallest things makes it so obvious that both these things and bigger things are choices and while they might not be the same as what you would choose, judgement will not do any good. You have always tried to move past judgement to understanding and acceptance and focus on making the choice that is right for you. Thank you so much for writing this.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:46 am

      See, eventually the comments show up! Thank you for these words. I do really try on this and your recognition of that means the world.

  25. Brittany
    January 14, 2013 | 2:01 am

    Stacey you touched so many people with these words. I have been unable to adequately phrase these feelings because I did not think about how far down the list of important things this goes. Yes, the judgement that others place on us and we place on ourselves for something like hairdye (or, I remember a few years back your post about another mother giving her child soda) or sunscreen or deli meat etc etc. Taking it to the smallest things makes it so obvious that both these things and bigger things are choices and while they might not be the same as what you would choose, judgement will not do any good. You have always tried to move past judgement to understanding and acceptance and focus on making the choice that is right for you. Thank you so much for writing this. You rock, my dear.

  26. phungus
    January 14, 2013 | 3:51 am

    “Spinning neurons?” You mean spinning neutrons? Just playing.

    I’ve followed your blog as a college student, and I enjoyed every post.Now that I’m a mother, I can’t tell you how your words have impacted me.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:50 am

      As I said in my email, OMG. Neutrons. What is it with me and words I don’t really know lately?

  27. Pamela
    January 14, 2013 | 7:55 am

    The other commenters have said all the things I was going to say. Thanks for this. xo

  28. Marinka
    January 14, 2013 | 12:59 pm

    There’s nothing that I don’t love about this post, except that it made me think and brain is ouchy.

  29. Jessica
    January 14, 2013 | 1:40 pm

    You blow me away every time you write Stacey and this post makes me think about myself, sitting on hospital bed rest, not wanting to polish my toenails because I was sure the chemicals could cause my unborn children to have autism, never realizing that autism would soon be the least of my worries. I could have chose the hot pink and had better feet to look at all those long weeks and it wouldn’t have changed a bit about my future.

    Much love to you and your amazing words.

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 5:52 am

      Beautifully said. We try to control what we can, I think, because we can’t control the rest. I know I do.

  30. Niksmom
    January 14, 2013 | 3:29 pm

    I followed a FB link posted by Jessica. WOW. I’m so glad I made that choice without hesitation; this is very much what I needed to be reminded of as I go through my own analysis-paralysis about bew developments in my child’s life.

    Thank you for this incredible perspective and exquisite writing.

  31. Glenne
    January 14, 2013 | 6:33 pm

    Thank you, I needed this, to read and re-read…my constant analysing of my choices is not only clearly ridiculous but makes me arrogant; I sometimes imagine that other people’s different choices somehow mean that that they haven’t put enough thought into it, because obviously if they had they would have come to the same decision I had….right?, not, of course not. How did I come across you?; I actually don’t know…I sit here at 4am in the middle of a heatwave in Australia and I can’t sleep because I have a cold…yes a cold, temperatures exceeding 110F and I have my first bad cold in 10 years….so clearly I needed to read this, and was so somehow led here-I don’t intend to lose you now though :) Congratulations, you write beautifully, I look forward to more in the future, thank you again :)

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 6:04 am

      I’m so jealous of your 110 degree temperatures. (Terrible but true.) I’ve had the same thoughts at times, that I put more thought in, analyze more carefully. But the truth is I can only think and analyze from my own perspective, which is more narrow than I’d like to admit. Welcome! I’m glad you stumbled here.

  32. melanie
    January 14, 2013 | 7:15 pm

    Would you be willing to shout the line “And most of all, let’s not waste it spending time justifying our choices and denigrating someone else’s” from the roof tops?

  33. Robin Jingjit
    January 14, 2013 | 10:34 pm

    This is awesome. Every mom should be required to read this, and then come back and read it again in a few months when we forget, and so on. It feels like every single thing we do and decide is so important. And they are, I guess. Raising kids is certainly not unimportant. But no generation has every been fussed about in this way before. There are other things to be pouring ourselves in to.

  34. Candice@NotesFromABroad
    January 15, 2013 | 12:14 am

    I wrote a long and brilliant reply then thought it was just not good for here and now.

    I had my first child when I was 18 and the second when I was 23. It was sort of like being raised by wolves.

    I did everything wrong with the first one, it is a wonder to me every day that she even speaks to me. But for some reason, she loves me.
    The second one … he was loved and well behaved and made everyone happy.

    Today I look at them and I wish they were small again and I could do it again, better.
    But you know what … if I could do it again, looking at them now ? I think I would say no, that’s ok.. they turned out pretty good, regardless of my mistakes.

    and now .. I find out … for Christmas no less, that I will be a grandmother in July.
    How effing great is that ? :)

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 6:06 am

      Exactly, you have beautiful, happy children, there’s no mistake to fix there. More importantly: CONGRATULATIONS!!!! That is absolutely wonderful.

  35. Autumn
    January 15, 2013 | 1:59 am

    This is one of your best that I can remember. Nice way to start 2013–

  36. Rachael
    January 15, 2013 | 1:22 pm

    This is a beautiful post. Seriously. I think I need to read it again and again. Such words of wisdom!

  37. Issa
    January 15, 2013 | 4:32 pm

    Choose and let go. I like it. I can steal it? ;)

  38. Lady Jennie
    January 15, 2013 | 6:10 pm

    This post makes me want to sing and shout with tears in my eyes, “Yes! Yes! Just choose!”

    I love your perspective, love your differences, love you. :-)

  39. Katie @ peacebeme
    January 15, 2013 | 7:00 pm

    Most of all, choose to move forward! Don’t stay stuck. Great post.

  40. Louise
    January 15, 2013 | 7:55 pm

    You’re a bottomless well of wisdom, aren’t you? I’ll keep coming back when I’m thirsty. And for your words, I always am.

  41. Louise
    January 15, 2013 | 8:00 pm

    You’re a bottomless well of wisdom aren’t you? I’ll keep coming back when I’m thirsty. And for your words, I always am.

  42. Elaine
    January 15, 2013 | 8:18 pm

    Gah, you are SO wise. I love your message of “choose and let go”. I actually think I do it in some way every day. Especially the days I go grocery shopping, with all the choices out there of what to feed my family (and what NOT to feed them). Anyway, I love this and the way you make me think about it all…

    • Anymommy
      January 17, 2013 | 6:08 am

      Well … I sound wiser on paper than I am. But I do try to work on this particular issue ;-)

  43. Angi
    January 15, 2013 | 8:29 pm

    I can remember as a small child my mother always telling me that by not making a choice, I was choosing. It took me years to really GET that, but I know that I am wiser for it. It’s not always easy to remember, but it’s too important to overlook.

  44. Jenny
    January 16, 2013 | 4:09 am

    This is blog gold. It’s beautiful, true, inspiring, and full of wisdom. For certain, the most judgemental period in my life was not junior high; it was motherhood. At every turn, there’s someone telling you there’s a better way. I love that whole paragraph that starts with “Choose, god yes…” I wish I could fit it all on a bumpersticker.

  45. tracy@sellabitmum
    January 17, 2013 | 5:10 pm

    A-fucking-men. I love you.

  46. little electricity
    March 14, 2013 | 4:18 am

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  47. My favorite books and blog posts of 2013
    December 30, 2013 | 10:53 pm

    […] It’s Not About the Hair Dye by Stacey of Is There Anymommy Out There? […]

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