Sassyassitis

Did you know there’s an epidemic?  Neither did I until my kids caught it.  The only current vaccine known is for mothers.  It’s made from fermented grapes.

September must carry an ill wind.  My oldest children, who until recently gave random hugs and called me momma, morphed into pre-teens the moment they crossed the threshold of their first grade classrooms.  My babies caught obnoxicum contagioso (common name Sassyassitis) by association.  Maybe it lives on our towels like that horrid skin fungus we fought last year?   … Cosmic comeuppance on Mamalode.

If you have other cures, please stop by over there and tell me about them. I’m heading to Seattle in a few days with girlfriends to see the Madonna concert. That has to be a cure for something. I always said there are two concerts that I would pay today’s insane prices to see: U2 and Madonna. This is the first time I’ve put my money where my mouth is, so I’ll let you know if it’s worth it. She better flash some nipple and party like it’s 1989 because I’m not interested in dance club techno remixes, I want the old stuff.

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone, I hear you call my name and it feels like HO-OME!

Wait. I hear it, the ghost of Matt’s voice in high school. We’re riding around in his Odge Domni. I have my Keds on the dash, my jeans are pegged above my socks and I’ve cranked up the radio (there’s no CD player!  or ipod connection! or port for the cell phone so we can listen to Pandora!  it came on the actual radio, which is way more fun!).

Matt:  Who sings this?

Me:  Madonna!

Matt: Let’s keep it that way.

It’s possible the CDC will identify my home as the location of case zero in the Sass flu pandemic.

18 Responses to Sassyassitis
  1. Margaret
    September 28, 2012 | 4:32 pm

    The only treatment I’ve been able to figure out is quarantine.

  2. anna see
    September 28, 2012 | 7:51 pm

    ha ha! matt cracks me up! good luck w/ the sassyitis! ours has increased since i started letting margaret watch shows on tlc. sigh.

  3. anna see
    September 28, 2012 | 7:52 pm

    matt cracks me up! so do you! good luck w the sassyitis!

  4. K-Line
    September 28, 2012 | 7:59 pm

    HILARIOUS! That vaccine better never go the way of weakening antibiotics or I’m going to have to pick up the hard stuff :-)

    Have an awesome time at the concert. And sing as loud as you want.

  5. Hanna
    September 28, 2012 | 8:23 pm

    This whole post just made my day!
    Thanks for the flashbacks and the laughter!!

  6. Issa
    September 28, 2012 | 9:06 pm

    I’m laughing. My two are the Dixie Chicks and James Taylor. ;)

    ENJOY!!!!! Drink wine and eat tasty things and dance your butt off at the concert. Hopefully it will help for a bit. xoxoxo

  7. Amelia
    September 28, 2012 | 9:22 pm

    My cure comes in the form of fermented potatoes and peanut butter cups. I’m pretty bitter that G’s strain seems to be genetic as she doesn’t go to school and therefore didn’t learn it from anyone. It just came to her 3 year old self NATURALLY.
    Yes we did find a corner for timeout in Raley’s.

  8. Erin
    September 28, 2012 | 10:31 pm

    I teach 8th grade. I’m afraid to tell you this disease only gets worse. DRINK UP.

  9. the mama bird diaries
    September 29, 2012 | 3:09 am

    “Let’s keep in that way.” I’m totally using that on my husband. Love it.
    And love you. Thinking of you often. xo

  10. the mama bird diaries
    September 29, 2012 | 3:10 am

    “Let’s keep in that way.” I’m totally using that on my husband. Love it.
    And love you. Thinking of you often. xo

  11. Korinthia Klein
    September 29, 2012 | 3:16 am

    We’ve been reading the Mrs Piggle Wiggle books, so I have a sense the the cure involves a magical pig of some kind or a rude parrot. Or just read them the books, and maybe they’ll see themselves in the characters behaving badly and realize they should change.

    Enjoy the concert! My big splurge was to see The Police the last time they toured. It was worth every stinkin’ penny of those overpriced tickets.

  12. Stephanie Precourt
    September 29, 2012 | 6:13 pm

    Gah- I was looking forward to school because, wel, they are gone during the day! But then they come home with those attitudes! Catch 22…

    Steph

  13. tracy@sellabitmum
    September 29, 2012 | 7:10 pm

    Oh I hope you see her nipple. I will tell you that this old lady is quite jealous! Have fun. xoxo

  14. Alexa
    September 30, 2012 | 2:28 am

    I like the quarantine idea! In the meantime, the fermented grapes works as well!!! Oh, my kids are 5, 2, and 9 months, and they are all already ill with this disease!!!

  15. Candice@NotesFromABroad
    September 30, 2012 | 12:59 pm

    The cure I found most tolerable for this Sassyassitis was a liberal does of Vacation. ( for me – away from the kids) .. It worked.
    I hope it works well for you too.

  16. Heather
    October 2, 2012 | 10:07 pm

    Fermented grapes are THE only cure for kid sassy!

    Cheers to you and Madonna!

  17. Mama D
    October 5, 2012 | 3:35 am

    Love both the post title and the vaccine made from fermented grapes comment–I have to get that vaccine often. ;) Enjoy the concert and keep singing no matter what Matt said!!

  18. Galit Breen
    October 5, 2012 | 11:25 am

    Have so much fun! And keep us posted on nipple viewings!

    (And omg the sass! Who invented *that?!*)

    xo

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