Every little thing is gonna be alright

It’s three days to Listen To Your Mother Spokane. The curtain goes up at 7:00 p.m. on Sunday.  The fear mixed with joy and anticipation and pride and a healthy sprinkling of nerves tingles in my bones.

Dress rehearsal photography by amazing 2011 LTYM Spokane alumnus Kristina.

The gorgeous Bing Crosby Theater.

I try to focus on the moment, the task, the hour in front of me, but the to-do list ticker tape runs constantly in my head flashing red danger! overload! lights behind my eyes.

Proof the programs. Clean the house. Call the videographer. Pull out the summer clothes. Sort. Donate. Wash. Fold. Write an article. Ask Matt to take Quinn to science night. Get hair dyed. Find something to wear. Cake decorating play date.

Printing promotional materials.  Check.

Shudder.

The cake decorating play date almost killed me this afternoon.  I somehow maneuvered all my kids into others’ hands so that I could get a manicure and pedicure this morning and then I promptly ruined the manicure trying on outfits for the show. I left the little boutique across from the nail place in tears, braced into the freezing wind.  Two hours alone this morning dedicated solely to getting these two things done and I botched them both, simultaneously, in one ill-advised zipper incident.

And then I stopped and centered on Ann’s words.  It’s not about perfection, it’s about the process. It not about me, it’s about these women and their stories and that person in the audience who will hear her own story – maybe one she’s afraid to tell – spoken aloud. It’s about the bonds that form in that place where everyone lowers their protective force fields and allows others inside.

The elementary school’s spring carnival is Friday night and the Cake Walk is the star attraction. Saige and Garrett have been designing their cakes for weeks.  I hosted the requested decorating play date and I didn’t die despite the green frosting and piles of candy and children wielding green-frosting coated knives.  The little girl’s mom was lovely and blessedly just as greasy-frosting-adverse as I am.  I wanted to kiss her on the mouth when she gingerly requested wet wipes and wiped her daughter’s hands between slatherings.  Kindred. Spirit.

We’re never alone, even in something as simple as hatred of frosting.  Certainly not in an undertaking like LTYM, with my fabulous co-producer, Elise, at my side and the love of all of the other producers and directors spilling all over the internet and the casts of shows that have already happened trying to describe the magic of it.  That’s the whole point.  That’s the heart of it. We aren’t alone.

Learning to bow.  The amazing 2012 LTYM Spokane cast. Elise, Zibby, Shelley, Nicole, Carole, Annie, Tammy, Lynn, Katie, Phaedra. (Linda is in Colombia.)

I talked to someone yesterday about an aspect of my life that makes me sad and I heard my own voice call my emotions ridiculous.  “It’s ridiculous, I know,” I said, clutching my long-cold paper Starbucks cup in my interlaced fingers, fighting the tears that wanted to fall.

“Why do you say that? What would you say to Garrett if he came to you and said that some kids at school made him sad and he was afraid to go back?”

“I’d say that he has to go back, but we’d talk to them. We’d find a way to make it work.  And I’d say that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be scared.”

Oh.

It’s okay to be scared.  Astonishing things happen outside of our comfort zones.  Force fields down.

May those seats be filled.  I know the stories spoken from that podium will be incredible.

Thank you national sponsors BlogHer and Snapfish by HP, and local sponsors Follger Photography, Yoga Shala, The Hotel Ruby and Sapphire Lounge, and Metro Woman.  Wish us luck, see you after Sunday.

 

34 Responses to Every little thing is gonna be alright
  1. Lauren V
    May 11, 2012 | 11:10 am

    We have a saying around here for my 5y/o. “It’s ok to be sad, it’s what you DO with your sadness that matters.” Screaming, lashing out at others, hurting yourself or others: Not ok. Talking, thinking, taking time alone, wanting hugs or comfort: all ok.

    You take your sadness and you help others. You speak openly and honestly and give bravery and comfort to those who would otherwise be lost in their own sadness. You organize LTYM with bits of green frosting under your chipped manicure and you bring a little bit of calm and peace to people around the world.

    From my heart to yours : “It’s ok to be sad, it’s what you DO with your sadness that matters.”

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:31 pm

      You have perfectly articulated what I have been struggling with about that conversation. There’s more to it than just accepting sadness.

      The rest of your comment touched my heart and soul. Thank you.

  2. Korinthia Klein
    May 11, 2012 | 11:45 am

    Sad isn’t ridiculous. Sad is human. And I agree with Lauren V that it’s what you do with it that matters.

    Good luck this weekend, and hope all the seats get filled.

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:31 pm

      Thank you! I wish you could all come to the show.

  3. Varda (SquashedMom)
    May 11, 2012 | 2:47 pm

    Hello wonderful you! Every little thing WILL be alright. I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing producing – and reading in – my first LTYM was. Amy, Holly & I are already planning for 2013!

    And I had a crappy, crappy manicure on Thursday morning that made me cry. And so maybe that’s good luck – our new special LTYM tradition – producer/director with messed up nails = great show.

    I will be thinking of you on Sunday & feeling your great joy from across this vast continent. Break all the legs!

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:32 pm

      Oh how I love you and this supportive group of incredible women. Now I will be looking at my ruined thumb nail as my own little good luck charm.

  4. tracey
    May 11, 2012 | 3:20 pm

    It is ok to be scared. Moving through and past that fear is what makes us stronger.

    Be strong, Stacey.

    And one of these days, I’m gonna send you a big old smeary bag of frosting…

    Have a GREAT show!

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:33 pm

      Ha! That package would crack my ass up. One of these days, I’m going to move in with you for a couple of weeks and learn how to let go a little ;-)

  5. Alexicographer
    May 11, 2012 | 4:15 pm

    This is beautiful. You are beautiful in all senses of the word — inside, outside. Knowing that, “We’re never alone, even in something as simple as hatred of frosting.” is beautiful. Thank you.

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:33 pm

      Hugs and kisses. I wish you could be there on Sunday.

  6. Lady Jennie
    May 11, 2012 | 4:47 pm

    Are you speaking? I didn’t seem like you were in the line-up. I loved this post – it touched my heart. I’ve been going through a lot myself lately in the emotional arena. And I certainly would have found a way to ruin a manicure and a dress fitting in one day.

    Big hugs and lots of love – I wish I could be there.

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:34 pm

      You have and I think our griefs are similar beasts. I am speaking on a very dark and serious subject this year. I wish you could be there too.

  7. Amelia
    May 11, 2012 | 8:35 pm

    I wish I could be there, can’t wait to see the afters. This brought me to tears, I have no doubt everyone’s stories will as well.

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:35 pm

      If I had a million dollars, you’d all be coming!

  8. Nicole Sheets
    May 11, 2012 | 9:07 pm

    What a lovely and vulnerable post. I was just talking to someone this morning (OK, it was my headshrinker) who asked me to imagine I had a very sensitive daughter. Would I speak to her the way I speak to myself? Would I dismiss her fears as trivial the way I’m tempted to write off my own? It was a powerful reminder to be kind to myself. And an oddly fitting exercise right before Mother’s Day. I’m so looking forward to Sunday’s big event!

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:36 pm

      We’re going to rock it on Sunday. And funnily enough, I was talking to a counselor as well. My first time ever. Apparently, they all use similar tricks.

  9. Annie
    May 11, 2012 | 10:48 pm

    You are killing me over here. “Force fields down.”

    Can’t wait to read. Really can’t wait to listen. And seriously can’t wait for my drink at the Sapphire after the show.

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:36 pm

      We aren’t going to need them. I think it may be several drinks after the show, no?

  10. Candice@NotesFromABroad
    May 11, 2012 | 11:29 pm

    Good luck !
    I will look forward to reading all about Everything !
    besitos ..

  11. Sheila
    May 12, 2012 | 11:08 am

    So wish I could be there. I went to the DC version of LTYM and it was wonderful. All of the women did a great job: I laughed and cried. I also talked about you with the stranger sitting next to me…that’s not weird, is it?

    • Anymommy
      May 12, 2012 | 3:38 pm

      Oh, how cool, I really wanted to be at the other shows. I particularly wanted to hear Anna read. And really? You sat next to someone else who knew me? That’s pretty funny – and cool – I hope they didn’t have any bad behavior to report!

      • Sheila
        May 12, 2012 | 10:40 pm

        Anna was great…don’t know if they taped it but would love to hear (or read) her piece again.

  12. Ann
    May 13, 2012 | 12:10 am

    This is beautiful. You are beautiful. I’m so thankful for you.

  13. Jessica
    May 14, 2012 | 5:49 pm

    Oh I want to be at one or all LTYM shows next year. Can there be a tour bus? I know it was amazing.

  14. Nelson
    May 15, 2012 | 7:34 am

    How did everything turned out? I hope it went well.

    • Ashley Wagner
      May 16, 2012 | 2:32 am

      I know that you can do it. Everything has its own reason. I know everything will be alright.

      • Azslyn Cole
        July 18, 2012 | 6:05 am

        Yes, I believe on you. I know that you have the power to get a good outcome afterward.

      • Azslyn Cole
        July 18, 2012 | 6:06 am

        Yes, I believe on you. I know that you have the power to get a good outcome afterward. Just believe on yourself.

  15. Galit Breen
    May 15, 2012 | 12:03 pm

    We are not alone, and amazing things happen in exactly this way.

    Stunning, you.

    I wish I could cheer you on in person, but I am most definitely cheering for you from here.

    xo

  16. Victoria Battle
    May 16, 2012 | 11:46 am

    Yes, everything gets alright in the end. Your to do list seems very hectic but I think you will be able to complete all tasks on it :-). The heading of this post reminded me of a famous Bollywood movie dialogue “In the end all is well, if all is not well then it is not the end.”

  17. magpie
    May 16, 2012 | 4:22 pm

    you’ll rock it. merde!

  18. Annie
    May 17, 2012 | 9:05 am

    This is definitely a beautiful post.. I just love the photos provided and I guess a lot of people would be interested with this..

  19. Jennifer
    May 17, 2012 | 8:53 pm

    I LOVED the show! It was incredible and I didn’t want it to end. Afterward, while we were all quite tipsy from the after-party majito’s, we talked about how your story seemed to wrap it all up SO beautifully. I don’t even dare try to paraphrase your lovely words, but it left me with the impression that all of our individual journeys are valuable, and that we must not forget to take a step back, take a deep breath, and not judge so quickly. Brilliant. Tear-pouring brilliant. Bravo Stacy and Elise! (and thank you)

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