My eyes pop open when a mother’s premonition alerts me to his presence. The rough edges of little boy bangs and bright gray eyes and the snot trails between his nose and mouth fill my frame of vision.
“Are you sick?” The first question of awakened mothers everywhere escapes my lips.
“Nope,” he sings, his voice raspy with a cold, “it’s seven-three-oh.”
I roll onto my right shoulder blade and glance at the neon red numbers above the dresser. Sigh. “No, sweets, it’s seven-oh-three. Twenty-seven more minutes.”
“Oh.” The disappointment weighs him down and he slumps, arms long, back hunched.
I crack the edge of the blanket with one foot to feel the morning chill. It’s so warm under the comforter. My pathetic almost-forty-year-old ankles don’t ache and my hand feels almost supple against the sheet instead of snagging the threads on my winter-tortured skin. Another gray morning struggles to push back the dark outside the window. Somewhere in the world, unfettered sunshine is cresting the edge of the ocean and outlining banana leaves with almost holy clarity. Somewhere sunlight is free to define and crisp edges. Here it wades through dense murk. Visibility is low, like a lagoon spoiled by run-off.
His four-year-old face is still inches from mine, babyish in the gloom. His breath invades my reverie.
“Do you want to snuggle?” I ask him.
His features sharpen immediately as if hit by a ray of that tropical sun I crave, but this light is within. He turns elfin and fey with crafty, shining eyes. “No momma,” he scolds in a sly, sliding tone, “you know I get snugglesick.”
I laugh out loud. “Oh. Right. How about a hug then?” He deigns to lay his otherworldly head on my chest and I squeeze. My tired brain is grateful for the minimal intrusion, but then my mother heart betrays me, ridiculously unsure, sending crazy messages pumping through my blood. Where does he get these things? Do I not cuddle them enough? I don’t like them to climb all over me. I push away the hanging and the whining. I don’t make enough time.
He pushes away from the side of the bed, “I have to check the clock!” And he is gone.
“Matt,” I groan. “Is he alright do you think? With this whole snugglesick thing?”
“Yes. He’s fine. He’s just wicked.”
A bellow from the other room interrupts us. “SEVEN-NINE-OH!”
“Seven-oh-nine. Twenty-one more minutes.”
He is wickedly delicious. And so another day begins.
My almost 3 year old is currently refusing to give me hugs or kisses. Oh no. He’s SAVING those. For whom? Not for whom, for what: for the butterfly hand puppet he makes me wear. Kids are WEIRD.
Brigid Keely recently posted..Well Hello There!
They really are weird.
Anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
Oh I love this. My guy is the opposite, he uses my ears as his personal security blanket. It’s great when we can snuggle on the couch but it sucks when I’ve got a millionty things to do and all he wants is an ear.
But Why Mommy recently posted..A Moment
I think it’s great though, really. I know it’s annoying, but it’s my personality to shut that kind of thing down and so I am raising kids that aren’t that cuddley, you know?
Anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
My Elliott asks for kisses and then wipes them off with a wicked indignace. Nutters.
Pamela recently posted..this is what’s up
And this is why I love blogging. They are nutters.
Anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
My 4 year old recently told me I’m only allowed kisses at bedtime now. Hugs are negotiable.
thepsychobabble recently posted..Cow says Moo
Sigh. I’m waiting for the big kids to ask me to stop saying I love you at drop off and then I’ll curl up in a ball and cry.
Anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
I think snugglesick is adorable. Brilliant even. And it sounds far more like a child who doesn’t want to be confined than one who isn’t cuddled enough.
I do let me children climb all over me most of the time (though sometimes I feel the claustrophobic need to pry off fingers and escape tangled limbs). It’s my poor husband who gets my version of the “snugglesick” excuse! As much as I love all of the physical contact with my children – it IS a lot. At the end of the day, I don’t have much left for anyone else.
Oh, I love you for that first paragraph. An outside perspective is so comforting.
I hear you. I need a lot of personal space AND mental space. I crave quiet time. Given how little of both are in my life right now, Matt and I have to make a huge effort to have anything left for each other.
Anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
I think I’m a tad “snugglesick”. Yep, I’m allergic to the pre-schooler that crawls into my bed EVERY early morning! (oh just kidding!) sorta…
Elaine recently posted..My Life on the Fridge
I am with you. Our role as human jungle gym gets old fast.
I love that my 7 (AND A HALF!) year old nephew will let me hug him. I know it isn’t always going to be like this, so I cherish it. When he hasn’t seen me in awhile, he will grab my hands and wrap them around him and hold onto me and hold my hand. And to my shock, he does it even in public and it couldn’t make me any happier.
Maybe he does it because he knows how happy he makes me? I’m sure he will be wicked again soon though, much like your boy.
Like someone said, though, kids are weird.
There is nothing more endearing than an affectionate child. A whining, clinging child not so much, but ya know, you take the good with the bad ;-)
anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
I think, he is adorable in a (snotty) genius sort of way.
And I think that your words are beautiful.
(Also? They are all a titch strange, aren’t they? In the best way?)
xo
Galit Breen recently posted..Call for Submissions!
I love the word “titch.” And yes, they are.
anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
Oh, the agony of big kids who no longer let you decide when the time to snuggle is. It absolutely makes you wish you could take back every time you pushed them off to get something done!
Mel recently posted.."Bad" Words
It does. And then I know I can’t blame him because I have never been much of a snuggler. Hopefully kisses count!
anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
giggle.
My daughter was so adverse to snuggling when little but changed as she got older. I have to fight to snuggle her as much as the baby. I have a strong sense of personal space that only easily gets invaded by babies.
Lady Jennie recently posted..After (Effects)
I am the same. I can let a tiny baby sleep in my arms all day, but the floor time with the toddlers is so much harder for me and now these big kids with their own agendas. Hard.
anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
Oh he is just delicious :)
I have some sunshine here if you want it .. actually, I would appreciate it if you would take all you want .. enough for all of you. We are at the point where we are staying in and avoiding it . Please, take some !
besos, C
Candice@NotesFromABroad recently posted..Friday Photo
Oh, I can’t tell you how I want it! xoxo.
anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
I hear that “wicked” children grow up to be brilliantly funny and creative adults!
Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac recently posted..Underwriters
I adore that prediction. Maybe even loving and affectionate … on his own terms?!
anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
I have one who is wicked and I struggle almost every day with what to chalk up to the wicked and what needs to be tended. Too much tending and he cleverly and infuriatingly uses it against me. Not enough and I worry for the fragile little self that must be in there somewhere, even though it be well hidden behind the layers of manipulation and indifference.
“Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most”
I try to remember that quote and your posts always make me feel like trying a little harder. “Innate” was so well timed for me. My son has Gee’s sensitivity, Ess’s cliff diving, and Cue’s wicked coolness all rolled into one. Posts like yours remind me to focus more on guiding, and less on changing…because you are right. We cannot change who they are and wasted efforts trying to do so simply undermine our true roles. Love, acceptance, home.
This is so much easier to formulate and to believe at 11:30pm in a quiet house with 7 hours of sleep ahead of me. I will try to remember this again tomorrow when I’m at my wits end by the end of breakfast :)
I’ll be right there with you, hanging by the slenderest thread at 8:00 a.m., already with a bit of yelling and a deep breath or two behind me. It’s easier to formulate into posts than it is to put into practice as well.
anymommy recently posted..Snugglesick
So sweet…snugglesick (hope there’s no cure)!