Some vague amount of time ago, I followed an on-line dust up of the “website for woman makes inflammatory declaration about parenting to increase page views” variety. Probably Forbes Women or a similar rag. Sadly, I do not jest. I’m not judging. I’m an on-line girl born and bred. I engage, follow and read 450 comments on train-wrecks as much as the next blogger.
This particular article involved a billboard picture of two bare-chested men about to kiss passionately. It was an ad for a gay dating service, I think. To cut it down to one non-sensationalized sentence, the author objected to the ad because it was on her route to drop off her kids at school and she did not wish to have such a billboard force her to address the issue of homosexuality with her children before she was ready.
I’d forgotten all about it until I read a Mouthy Housewives advice post in which a mom feared a family event celebrating a wedding between two women because, while she supports the couple, she did not want to explain same-sex marriage to her children.
?????
This is obvious and I’m not going to change anything, but I still have to say it. These disingenuous objections bother me on the deepest level. As parents when we take this tact, we hide our issues, our prejudices, our hang-ups and our intolerance behind our children’s supposed inability to interact with, process and understand the world they live in.
We delude ourselves. Our children, who have such simple hearts with few preconceived biases and judgments, who consider all people worthy of compassion and equal rights, our children have brains highly evolved to take in the world around them and understand it and they do an amazing job of it until we step in and teach them our skewed views.
I would like to know when in the history of children, who go back fairly far into history by all accounts, any parent has ever been allowed to wait to address issues of life until they were ready? It’s impossible. And when we think we’ve managed it, what has actually occurred is that our kids have drawn their own – often hilarious – conclusions from available information.
In the last year, I have addressed with my 6, 6, 4 and 2-year-old children before I was perhaps 100% ready, among other things: 1) the definition of “STD”; 2) how the baby gets into the mommy’s belly; 3) how the baby will get out; 4) why Santa lets women in underwear sit on his lap and is she asking for clothes; 5) why the underwear woman has no fur because mommy has fur there, where her underwear barely is 6) why other kids get to go to Disneyland every day and we never get to go; 7) why the men on the corner are hungry; 8) what a veteran is; 9) why people starve in Haiti; and 10) what “sexual predator” means.
You may now feel free to judge my kids’ exposure to TV and other media. You are right. However, all of those questions arose from billboards or the actual world around us.
Why two men are kissing or why two women are getting married seems fairly handle-able to me. Because they love each other comes to mind. I know for some that answer doesn’t work because their overly-meddlesome god forbids it or some such but then it seems like a simple “because they have lost god much like that Stacey woman down the street and they are all going to hell together” would suffice. I mean, as long as you’re teaching your “values” might as well dig in.
These things always come up before we’re ready because we’re never ready to see our precious, sweet little angel babies as ready for the big, wide, diverse, evil, good, complex world we live in. But, they are. Whether you are using life in all its complexity as a springboard to teach compassion and social justice or as a springboard to teach rabid religious intolerance, (or an option in between) well, that’s your right. No one can stop you. It’s not the world that needs to conform to our whim and our time-table. It’s each of us who needs to have an open dialogue with our children on any subject that arises because life arises subjects. It just happens.
The best advice that I ever received about difficult (for parents) subjects is to let my kids lead. Give the simple answer and if they are ready for more, they will ask. With young children, you can control the conversation. Like, for example, “because those two men love each other” instead of “because they are about to engage in hot steamy man on man se.x.”
While I hope to use these moments to teach compassion, kindness and equality, I know that I screw it up as much as the next person. And then my kids usually teach me that it doesn’t take much. Most recently, last night at the dinner table when Quinn declared that he was going to marry his best friend Ty.
Saige: You can’t marry a boy. You have to marry a girl, silly.
Me: No. Boys can marry boys, if they are old enough and that’s who they love. Marriage is about love and wanting to spend your life together.
Saige: Can girls marry girls?
Me: Yes, if they are in love. (And they are old enough and by old enough I mean at least 27 with advanced degrees at which point, boy or girl, we’ll be thrilled for you. Hey, I didn’t say I had no prejudices.)
Saige: So, some kids have two mommies?
Me: Uh-huh. Like you, except the mommies live together. There are tons of ways to have families.
Quinn. Yep. And some kids have two daddies, like if me and Ty have kids.
Me: Some kids have two daddies who love them to pieces.
Quinn: And they’re lucky, because daddies like McDonalds and mommies don’t.
Right. I wouldn’t say I was “ready” for a discussion of McDonalds’ gender-based discrimination, but following their lead makes it simple. You know, because it is simple, one might argue. Sort of like traditional values are simple. As Ellen Degeneres said so eloquently: “Here are the values I stand for: I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you’d want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.” If you haven’t seen it, watch the clip. It’s brilliant.
Here’s to keeping it simple.
I agree with your approach mostly; but let’s be careful not to get too judge-y of those parents who find it harder to do this. Calling them bigots or whatever (you didn’t, but @MouthyHousewives did) really doesn’t help anyone. Think, all of you: is your goal to be right or to be compassionate? And can you be compassionate without being righteously compassionate? Can you understand that maybe a picture of 2 men kissing DOES gross a person out to the extent that they find it hard to approach a conversation about it with their child in a rational manner? I do think that the gross-out factor plays a big part in all this. People talk about traditional values, but really? They’re just freaked out. Of course, they can’t expect the rest of the world to tiptoe around their freaked-out-ness; but we can be a little more understanding.
Myself? Pro-gay rights; but totally, completely grossed out by an explicit picture of two men kissing. That’s just the way it is. And I feel comfortable being honest with my kids about that.
suburbancorrespondent recently posted..The Power Of The Blogosphere
I agree, I’m not a big fan of the word “bigot” in any context. I don’t like any “trigger” word that shuts down discussion. “Racist” is also used in that way, in my opinion, to shut down others rather than let them work through their objections.
And it’s hard to write about ANY issue you feel passionately about without sounding a bit righteous … I try not to have that tone, but it is hard because you can’t control how people read what you say.
On the grossed-out, freaked-out argument, I’m not sure. Why is two men kissing grosser or more freaky than any of the other explicitly sexual advertising out there. Why is it harder to find a simple, straightforward way to discuss that with our children than a nearly naked woman on Santa’s lap? Why are we, as parents, more comfortable with a certain type of sexual imagery? For me, those questions immediately arise.
If someone really is grossed out by all sexual advertising, well then, that’s tough. It’s an interesting world out there and they need to think through how they will answer when their kids have question. But I do have compassion for the fact that they might find it hard.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
Ha! I’d find it equally hard to explain to my kids the half-naked lady on Santa’s lap. But I’m not sure one can provide an answer to why one feels grossed out by something. My daughter practically throws up when she skins her knee, while others can look at a scrape with equanimity. Is there really an explanation for that? Also, from an evolutionary biology point of view, there could be any number of reasons that a heterosexual woman might be turned off by the picture of 2 men kissing in a sexual way. I don’t think that is at all unusual.
And, personally? I do believe that there shouldn’t be sexually explicit content on billboards and such. It’s just not civilized. That stuff is private. Not because it’s shameful, but because it is sacred and personal. It does offend me, whether it is hetero or homo. It’s not fair to children. It’s not fair to my 14-year-old son who has to die a thousand deaths of embarrassment as he walks by pictures of boobs bigger than his head because he has to pass by the Victoria Secret store to get to the Apple Store. I know it won’t kill him, but I do think it is a violation of public space and of people’s psyches.
suburbancorrespondent recently posted..The Power Of The Blogosphere
::standing ovation::
Love all of it, but especially this part, “Our children, who have such simple hearts with few preconceived biases and judgments, who consider all people worthy of compassion and equal rights, our children have brains highly evolved to take in the world around them and understand it and they do an amazing job of it until we step in and teach them our skewed views.” I really believed that America was a much more open and understanding nation until this election season. Tea Partiers, White Supremacists (!!!), and other creepy trolls are emerging from under their bridges and it scares the heck out of me. I sincerely hope that more and more parents choose to educate their children with Ellen’s values, so we can all be more open and accepting– and LOVING– of each other.
She Looks Like a Mom recently posted..Napless
I think election years always bring out the crazy on ALL sides of politics. I wish our government could have more of an “all we need is love” approach, but I know how complicated it all is.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
I’m going to be far less engaging….
We don’t have billboards in Fairbanks, but if we did the kids wouldn’t lift their heads out of electronic devices to notice.
Apparently, my older kids never asked me anything and my younger kids learn all they need to know from Call of Duty: Black Ops and teenage siblings. I’m raising a bunch of heathens, but at least I didn’t have to have an uncomfortable conversation. (LOL). :)
Gayle recently posted..Really Pretty Lazy
You make me laugh so much. I want to be you when I grow up. And I think I just rethought whether Garrett could play on the LeapFrog all morning.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
Stacey, WOW. This is quite simply, for me, brilliant. Homosexuality is illegal here in Uganda and last week a clause in the anti-gay bill ordering the death penelty for ‘aggravated homosexuality’ was finally dropped. This bill caused an international outcry last year and the heated discussions I had with young and seemingly well-educated Ugandans who supported it was enough to make me weep. I absolutely agree that sound, clear and open values make a true and positive difference to how our children view this ever-changing world.
Ggirl recently posted..Hot to the touch
Any time you use the word brilliant it makes me smile because I can hear that lilting accent. I read a little about Uganda. I don’t know how you change people’s minds when something like this is so culturally ingrained. It’s very similar to certain religious institutions. The beliefs are so strongly held and they are passed on. But, I know that change does happen and we can be a part of it by teaching our children.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
You funny girl – whenever I see a packet of M&M’s I think of you ;) It’s true about things being culturally ingrained and this makes it’s so bloody frustrating when a conversation arises that no one is willing to hear the other side of, especially about a subject that’s deemed off centre. On the flip side there’s a massive billboard near town that advertises Coca Cola with a girl deep throating the bottle. Ironically everyone’s happily talking about that…..!!
Ggirl recently posted..Hot to the touch
Amen. To every word.
My personal go-to parenting technique is to first ask “what do you think?” so that I can gauge their level of knowledge/readiness/interest and respond appropriately.
Robin from Israel recently posted..Sunday Snippets with Anemones
That is brilliant – to steal from Ggirl above – and I am going to start using it!
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
BRILLIANT! Two men kissing is so easy to explain. ‘Because they love each other’ is so ridiculously simple, so much easier than, for example, ‘That man hates that other man and hurt him because his skin is a different color. Yes, the same color as yours.’
One of my uncles is gay. My parents were totally uncomfortable and never discussed it with us when we were kids. We figured it out by ourselves and had no problem at all with my uncle and his partner. The only confusing thing was our parents’ attitude.
barbaloot recently posted..After the Fact
“The only confusing thing was our parents’ attitude.” This is exactly it.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
BRILLIANT! Two men kissing is so easy to explain. ‘Because they love each other’ is so ridiculously simple, so much easier than, for example, ‘That man hates that other man and hurt him because his skin is a different color. Yes, the same color as yours.’
One of my uncles is gay. My parents were totally uncomfortable and never discussed it with us when we were kids. We figured it out by ourselves and had no problem at all with my uncle and his partner. The only confusing thing was our parents’ attitude.
My kids have an aunt who is gay and who lives with her long-time partner. The discussion with them about the situation has been very easy – they live together because they love each other. But right now the law says they can’t get married, no matter how much they want to.
The kids shrug and carry on with their lives. For them, having two aunts sharing a house is just as normal as an aunt and uncle living together.
hokgardner recently posted..Moved in
Some day, I hope, we’ll all have the exact same attitude that they have. Congratulations on being finally settled in!
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
I completely agree with you. About everything. Last night I found myself having a conversation with my six year old son about the civil rights movement in the US and some of the parallels you could draw with the persecution of gay people going on today. About a year ago we were talking about being gay (because one of his friends has two mums), and he wouldn’t believe me that here in the UK it was actually illegal until the late 1960s. He just couldn’t comprehend why two people loving each other was seen as such a bad thing. Children can be so accepting of these things as long as prejudices aren’t handed down to them by their parents.
They really can. I’ve learned a lot from watching my kids approach unfamiliar situations. Such openness.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
As always, brilliantly put!!
andy recently posted..Toe-Toe Covers
Aw, thanks, nothing new said, but it pays to keep saying it.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
G is just now learning to ask questions so I suppose I better figure out my answers soon. *GULP*
Children are very forgiving, so you can practice and revise ;-)
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
“because they are about to engage in hot steamy man on man se.x.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
we had the same sex marriage/mommy+mommy/daddy+daddy talk a few days ago when we were looking at pictures of a good friends family (mommy + mommy + new baby). it went something like this:
boy kid: where’s the daddy?
me: baby hudson has two mommies.
boy kid: why?
me: because sometimes boys love boys and girls love girls.
boy kid: sometimes i love boys.
me: sounds good.
boy kid: okay, can i play with your computer?
MommyNamedApril recently posted..Fone it in Phriday.
That is so my kids. Just when I’m worried that we’re taking a conversation to the next level they see something shiny. A bit like me I suppose.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
My goodness, this post was such a breath of fresh air…..I agree, agree, agree some more. I am not afraid to address sensitive topics when my children bring them to me. If they are old enough to have noticed, they are old enough to discuss it. Beautifully written, well thought out. Another standing ovation from my corner!
Louise recently posted..i will always remember
I think the same, if they ask, they are old enough to handle an answer and they will lose interest when you hit the level of information that they can handle. It’s amazing.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
Beautifully written, well though out. Another standing ovation from my corner. I agree, agree, agree. Oh to have more of the world understand “Our children, who have such simple hearts with few preconceived biases and judgments, who consider all people worthy of compassion and equal rights, our children have brains highly evolved to take in the world around them and understand it and they do an amazing job of it until we step in and teach them our skewed views.”
Louise recently posted..i will always remember
I always have to stop myself from straying from the simple when the Peanut asks the questions that catch me off guard. For example the other night when we forgot to change the channel after all the educational programs were over and an ad for an upcoming show came on and I got asked who this man they were talking about (Hitler) was and what are atrocities and why was he performing them on Jewish people?
Sometimes when I’m not ready for the question I go into more information is better. I’ve learned to wrap it up quick when I see that glazed look in her eyes. If she want more information she’ll ask about it again later
Tami recently posted..A Thousand Words
Yes, exactly what I was trying to say in response to Louise!
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
I’ve always loved your blog, because you are a down-to-earth parent who admits her weaknesses. I love the openness with your kids too. We shouldn’t shelter them from this crazy world for SO many reasons.
I had a discussion with my son (when he was 6) similar to the one you had with your children about your son marrying his friend. It was when I was explaining to him that “mommy loved another woman.” One of the most difficult conversations I’d ever had to have, but they were both so accepting with no judgement yet formed.
Anyway… when I was finished, my then 6 year old told me… “That’s okay mommy, I’m gay too…” When I was done choking down my water, I explained to him that I would love him, and want him happy no matter what he felt later in life, but that loving and caring for your friends, does not make you gay.” I think this is a lesson so many kids don’t get anymore… that loving each other does not make you gay… it makes you wonderful, caring, and compassionate. Important values for all human beings, but values that have been lost in the shuffle of judgement and sadly, religion.
The whole reason I started my blog, is because I wanted people to see that our family is just like any other family. We deal with the same issues, only sometimes it’s harder because of the judgement. We worry… will the kids get made fun of if anyone finds out… will they be ostracized because of us? How do we present ourselves? We’ve been together forever, but since we’ve moved to a small town, we’re once again faced with this question.
So, with ALL of that being said…. thank you for your post and for being the kind of person who knows that this world is full of so much, that to shelter our children would be wrong. They may miss out on some valuable lessons… :)
I hope with all my heart that your small town surprises you with its loving acceptance of your family. And you make an excellent point, it is fine to feel romantic feelings towards a boy or girl and it is fine to love someone as a friend. I agree that deep friendships are very, very underrated. True friendship is one of the most rewarding relationships in life.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
Well said! Not judgy at all.If the person who objected to the billboard objected to all sexually explicit billboards that would be one thing but it seems clear she had a problem because it was two men.
That’s how I felt too. But I guess, to be fair, we are so saturated with heterosexually explicit imagery that it could be just a case of shock in advertising. I still don’t get the “oh no the little children” argument.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
Can we talk now about McDonalds’ gender-based discrimination? Because I really want to hear the rest of the conversation as that discrimination happens in our house too.
Agree with everything, including the age and requirements for marriage.
Well, I admit, while I find nothing gross about two men kissing, even passionately, I think McDonalds is absolutely foul. It’s Matt’s first choice for lunch with the kids, of course ;-)
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
I have been pondering your words, thinking about some heavy, deep reply, but really you already hit the nail on the head, so I’ll share my Alex’s take on where babies come from. Mind you, I do believe in and teach that God is the Creator.
Alex : Did God make me Mommy?
Me: Yes Alley, He did.
Alex: With a machine?
Me: No, with love.
Alex: Where?
Me: In my tummy.
Alex: ( without missing a damn beat) That’s disgusting!
Yes pal, I guess it is sort of messy in there.
Sharon recently posted..A Post-Christmas, Christmas Post
So funny. You can see their little wheels turning, thinking that baby is in there sloshing around with the chicken you had for dinner!
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
May be my favorite post yet…just perfect. Thank you!
Thank you for commenting!
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
beyond agree, as usual. had my own “keep it simple” moment tonight from the 8 yo boy. “How do you know you are pregnant?”
me: you take a test
him: “but how do you get pregnant?”
me -big gulp- “well, you know how we talked about how you need a piece of the mom and a piece of the dad? yeah, those two pieces come together”
him “oh. what are they called?”
me : “the woman part is an egg and the man part os a sperm” …holding my breath…
him : my scrape hurts. can i have a bandaid?
me: OMG YES!!!!! thank you for not asking more right now!!!!!!!
in other news, SO GLAD TO BE A WASHINGTONIAN THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See, perfect example. They stop asking when the information goes past the point that they are ready to understand. Awesome.
I am very proud to be a Washingtonian this week and Maureen (forgotten her last name)’s speech on the floor made me cry.
Anymommy recently posted..Keeping it simple
ooops, that last part was in my head, lest there be any confusion that i said tha out loud to him :)
I couldn’t agree more. We had a recent talk about adoption, and who is a real mommy (oh gosh). It seemed to come out of the blue, but no. My daughter has an adopted friend. Sometimes it feels like a high wire act to explain. But love, any love, seems pretty simple. Two people love each other. (And yes, I also talk a lot about how she MUST have her degree before she gets married. Because some prejudices might just help in life. Is that wrong?)
Oh, and my two year old is pretty sure that there is a baby in my belly button.
Kate recently posted..Be patient.
Love this post. I have always been open with my kids about the fact that adults can marry someone of the same or the opposite sex, and that both options are equally valid life choices. Last week I was driving with my youngest daughter (age 5) in the car. Out of the blue, she asked me, “Mommy, how can a girl marry a girl?” I responded, “Well, if a woman loves a woman they can get married, just like mommy and daddy did.” She paused and said, “Yes, but you wore a dress and daddy wore a suit. What would the women wear?”
Hilarious!
Love the post and love you. I barely survived some of the comments at The Mouthy Housewives. Like you, it upsets me when I see parents teaching that to their children. Love your discussion with Saige. Although 27 seems a bit young.
Marinka recently posted..I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
A-freakin-men, woman.
And this? These open, direct conversations are exactly what makes the world go round.
Our kids don’t understand vague messages, but what makes us comfortable and uncomfortable? What discussion worthy and what’s not? Yeah, they *so* get that.
(I die at “the fur down there.”)
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Thank you for this post. As as teenager struggling with my own sexuality, it is so incredibly wonderful to read a post with such simple honesty and kindness. It gives me hope, thank you.
I hope, C, that in the next ten years no one will have to struggle. I hope you find what makes you happy and if you ever need support, I hope you’ll write and tell me.
anymommy recently posted..Moment of impact
I found myself nodding along with you throughout the post. Right on! They love each other. Next. (Now, my requirement for marriage or having children is my offspring must first possess a college degree. I like 27, though, too.)
patois recently posted..The Rumor Mill Grinds On
agreed!
I love this. That is all.
totally agree!! Love your take on it and love the Mouthy Housewives for bringing it up too!
Loved this!! It makes me so sad and frustrated when parents try to justify their own prejudices and discomfort by cloaking it under the disguise of “protecting their children”.
Thought I would share an article that I recently stumbled upon. More than anything I’ve read in a long long time, it beautifully and perfectly articulated my beliefs and priorities as a parent and a member of society – both on the subject of homosexuality and raising children in general. I immediately bookmarked and printed it out for future reference. I think it’s something you too will appreciate.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/a-mountain-im-willing-to-die-on_b_1223229.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl6%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D130607
Thank you, Jeannine! I’ve seen Glennon’s name a lot lately and read the post that went viral about “carpe diem.” She’s good.
anymommy recently posted..Moment of impact
Here’s to kind traditional values! I’d take Quinn as a son-in-law in a nanosecond, despite his affection for McDonalds! (:
This is great. I love how you put all of it in perfect perspective.
Plus I giggled over the advanced degree remark. :)
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I agree with your views that the waiting for the right time to explain “adult things” to kids tend to become late because the children already learned it from someone else. However, I will still exercise a lot of caution when I talk to my kids about those things since kids tend to have a very narrow-minded view on things.
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I love this post. I guess I can see how it is uncomfortable for some parents to find the right words to discuss this issues that are a bit more tedious, but I think you put it so wonderfully. There is almost always a simple, few word answer that even your youngest can understand and starting with that will help everyone.
What makes all of it so hard is definitely the adult’s issues. My sister in law doesn’t want her boys to even know the word vagina because she doesn’t want that as part of their life. I call this the “head-in-the-sand” parenting. Not talking to your kids about something doesn’t make it go away, it makes it an issue.
I had a lenthy discussion last night with my 4 and 6 year old about alcohol and drug use and it was awesome. Talking to them about it in small, simplified ways makes them better prepared for what’s ahead of them.
Great post.
I stand for Anymommy oh and love for all.
Joy recently posted..The Scarlet Letter
This just might have been your best work!! Love this post.
I am doing the slow-clap for you RIGHT NOW. I totally agree. I have already had this conversation with my son and stepdaughters. We have a blended family, with some rather bigoted and intolerant people on the other end, so in addition to working against bad stereotypes, we’re working against the crap they’re fed by other members of their own family. It’s exhausting sometimes, but ultimately worth the effort. Thanks again for sharing.
Windy recently posted..The way to my heart is through the specialty cheese counter.
Children can deal with way more than most adults give them credit for. For Christmas, I adopted a family through our local women’s crisis center. She need basic baby stuff, diapers, wipes, etc…so I had bought a number of items and set them aside in my office. My 4 year old son asked me if the diapers were for his (1yr old) sister, and so I tried to explain to him that no, these were for a family who were not as lucky as we were, and who needed help. He accepted that. The next day when my regular shipment of diapers arrived for my daughter, he opened the box, and asked if these diapers were also for the family that needed them. I told him no, they were for his sister. He thought for a moment, removed all the diapers from the box and put them in the stack with the other diapers I had bought for the adopt-a-family, and said “We should give these to the family who needs them”.
I trust him to be able to handle thinking about hard things in his own way. His processing of these concepts leads to so many beautiful surprises.
They really can and they have such sweet, giving souls.
anymommy recently posted..Moment of impact
Children can deal with way more than most adults give them credit for.
For Christmas, I adopted a family through our local women’s crisis center. She need basic baby stuff, diapers, wipes, etc…so I had bought a number of items and set them aside in my office. My 4 year old son asked me if the diapers were for his (1yr old) sister, and so I tried to explain to him that no, these were for a family who were not as lucky as we were, and who needed help. He accepted that. The next day when my regular shipment of diapers arrived for my daughter, he opened the box, and asked if these diapers were also for the family that needed them. I told him no, they were for his sister. He thought for a moment, removed all the diapers from the box and put them in the stack with the other diapers I had bought for the adopt-a-family, and said “We should give these to the family who needs them”.
I trust him to be able to handle thinking about hard things in his own way. His processing of these concepts leads to so many beautiful surprises.
So well put–I’m always so glad that you go through all of this before I do–I learn so much from you reading these posts!
Love this–so well put! I’m always so glad that you go through all of this before I do–I learn so much reading these posts!
Well, I read this, saved it and now I’m back. I hope my words are gentle and kind, because that’s how I intend them.
I would be a little peeved at a billboard displaying 2 men about to kiss. I’m also a little peeved about billboards that show all-but-naked women. Victoria’s Secret posters (if you can call a 50x larger than life signage a “poster”) drive me crazy.
I don’t think either are necessary. Suburbancorrespondent said a lot of how I feel in her second comment above.
(Sidenote): Anyone who would boycott JCP b/c Ellen is the spokesperson is an idiot.
Our family is very conservative. The conversation has arisen in our house about men marrying men and women marrying women. We state our Bible based beliefs to our children concisely and move on. We don’t beat it to death because, well, they’re kids. Young kids.
I don’t want to talk about any kind of sex with my 7 and 5 year olds. None. At all.
But, we will and we have. We answer questions they have about how the baby got in my tummy, then we move on.
And I think that’s the issue w/ all parents. None of us want to talk with our kids about the things that are difficult any sooner than we have to. Whether it’s a conversation about same sex marriage, religion, drugs, racism, people who look at you funny because you have a brown sister and your mom and dad are not brown, whatever.
I’m not eager to tell our children that the world can be a mean, nasty place. I”m not eager to tell our kids that people can be mean and nasty. And I’m not eager to discuss w/ them the issues that are hard to discuss. I will, but I’m not eager.
I realize that I’m in the minority of people who read here. Our conservative views are not typical of your readers. And I’m okay w/ that b/c I love this space and what it represents. Freedom to believe and say how you feel, w/ humor and tact thrown in.
I don’t condem people for telling their kids exactly what you told yours. People can live together because they love each other. I think that’s a beautiful explanation. And based on what your family believes, it was perfect. I wouldn’t tell our children the same thing but it’s not my job to mother your children. That’s your job. And I think you’re darn good at it.
The Beaver Bunch recently posted..Floppy, Well Worn, Stretched
Such a beautiful response from a different belief perspective. I suspect, when you talk to your kids about same-sex marriage or guys kissing, you use the same language. You say (something like) we believe that “xxx.” And you allow for the fact that others have a different view. “Based on what your family believes, it was perfect.” While I can’t say that I understand all of the foundations of your beliefs (and even reject many), I can respect this approach, very, very deeply.
If only all of us could discuss these things with each other and with our children with such kindness.
anymommy recently posted..Moment of impact
I love you woman. Pretty sure everything else has been said by your lovely, fantastic, articulate commenters.
Love is love. As long as it’s between two consenting adults, I don’t care what their genders are!!! And I look forward to going to many gay weddings in my future! (YAY NEW YORK!) In fact, it was really lovely when everyone asked about my love life during Christmas to turn to my gay uncle and go “So… Eric… when are you getting married?”
Molly recently posted..Victoria
Speaking of honest, open conversations… I remember asking my mother where I came from and she was very matter-of-fact and scientific about it, which I appreciate very much, particularly now I’m older.
I think it’s important to stop when your child’s eyes glaze over, though. She went into a lot more detail than my five-year-old brain could process and I went away with a haphazard notion that mothers give birth by peeing their babies out.
I distinctly recall being six and sitting on the toilet to hone my bladder control because my mother had also talked about how a foetus starts out really, really small, and I didn’t want to accidentally pee my future baby out. Oh, good times.
I love this post. So much. I went and read the article another comment posted as well (the one that ends with the letter to her son Chase) and by the time I was done with both I was crying. When I originally watched the episode of Ellen you posted a clip of here I wanted to stand up and clap, and I was home alone. Those are the things I try to stand for too, articulated better than I have ever managed. That’s what I want my kids to stand for too. Time is precious, hate is a waste of time.