For god so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
Garrett recites this to me often. It is used as a daily prayer at his school. He pipes it in his sweet sing song voice from the back of the car. He chants it with his pajama shirt half over his head in the morning. He says it before dinner.
It is one of my least favorite new testament verses. The words are lovely, there is no doubt, but the implied message makes me shiver. It’s not the words or their sentiment. It never is. It’s their reflection in the mirror. It’s their anagram written backwards in the space between the words. It’s the dark conclusion that shadows the love and the light.
For god so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever does not believe in him shall perish and be denied eternal life.
“Garrett,” I say to him softly, for the hundredth or so time. “There are many ways to believe about the force we call god. There are unlimited ways to god, as many ways as there are people on the planet, past, present and future, as many ways as there are flower petals, as many ways as there are thoughts. Billions upon billions of paths. Trillions. Each path leading to the same place.”
He shakes his head. “I know, he tells me, you don’t believe, but I believe.”
What does it matter? People have asked me. If he learns kindness, if he learns faith. Does it matter if it is one faith over another? Does it matter if it is Christian faith? I thought maybe not, for a brief time, though friends warned me that the lessons sink in fast, that I might regret it. But, I thought, it’s Kindergarten, will it really make a difference? It is a good school and he is learning so much. He is learning to read and write. He is learning to count by fives. He is learning addition and subtraction, science, music, Spanish, as far as I can tell faster and more thoroughly than many of his peers in other programs.
And he is learning Christian faith. My sweet boy, my Gee. His heart is open and he takes what he learns and swallows it whole until it is a part of him. He is swift and vigorous in its defense. One might say zealous.
“Mommy,” he tells me in excitement, knowledge seeping from his pores, “Jesus died on the cross and they put him in a cave and when they went back he wasn’t there. It’s a mystery and a miracle. Because he’s God’s son.”
“That’s what some people believe,” I answer, “but many, many people believe other things. There are so many ways to believe about god. Mommy doesn’t believe that, for instance, she has other beliefs about god.”
“Mrs. S. believes that.” He pouts, shaken and teary-eyed, because his idolized teacher has told him that there are two options, to believe or not to believe, and she has made it clear, with her body language and her voice and her word choice that “to believe” is good and right and “not to believe” is wrong.
“You should believe,” he tells me and my heart stops and I know. I know I have made a mistake. I did not expect Kindergarten theology to go beyond kindness and acceptance, but it has. Somewhere in there between the love everlasting and the do onto others, the real message has come home. The shadow of John 3:16. You either believe or you don’t. One being good and right and light. Accepted. Approved.
Whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
The other being bad. Sad. Unfortunate. Wrong. Unworthy. Outside of god.
Whoever does not believe in him shall perish and be denied eternal life.
We talk for a long time, but I make little headway against a year’s indoctrination. He waits for Matt, his wheels turning until they smoke, his outrage ready. “I believe,” he states, “but mommy doesn’t. She’s Jewish.” It is almost a sneer. If a five-year-old could cluck his tongue while shaking his head over the state of my soul, he would have.
And I can tell you – though you probably knew it already, though you laugh at my obliviousness and apathy – it matters. Kindness is all well and good but it is a tenet of every religion. The flaw – and yes to me it is a flaw – comes in the central tenet of most organized religions – the one that sets each apart from the others. Believe this, or know god not.
I suppose that I am faithless in that I have no faith in religions. I have no faith in their ability to keep their faithful from subverting their message. Believe this or be worth less.
It matters because in my inbox is an email from my father with a high school boy’s report on the holocaust experience of his grandfather attached. His grandfather, whom I know as Steve, a close friend of my father, a man my grandfather helped to escape from Austria after the horror of Nazi Germany, survived Auschwitz. A man who, in his own words to his grandson, stood before the notorious German doctor Joseph Mengela at the gates of Auschwitz and watched his mother be directed left, to the gas chambers, while he was motioned right, to the work camps.
I know that the holocaust rests on the shoulders of a madman, not on religion. But it can’t be denied that Steve stood before Mengela at the gates of Auschwitz because he was Jewish. Because of his difference in faith.
So yes, it matters. It matters to me and I am his mother. I will consider it a colossal failure of my parenting – laughably beyond whether or not they read at an appropriate level as they enter elementary school – if I raise adults that believe that there is only one path to god or one definition of god or such a thing as a god who cares what path we take to empathy and goodness, kindness and light.
I don’t write this to make anyone mad, to argue or parse or theologize. I write it for me. So that I will read this and remember: Shame on you, Stacey. This is important and you shrugged your shoulders and left it to people who teach the exact opposite of the only message that matters to you. You are more thoughtful than that as a parent and as a person.
I thought that I was faithless and so others could teach them about faith. Turns out, I have a very strong faith and it doesn’t lie in John 3:16. Turns out, when you want someone in this world to see love and kindness and belief from a certain perspective, with all your heart and soul, it clarifies what’s important, albeit belatedly.
I don’t mind if my son, or any of my children, find guidance and solace in the New Testament. If that is their path to an understanding of god and peace, to a reconciliation of the bizarre miracle of this planet and all the life on it, I accept that. But I emphatically reject the shadow of John 3:16 and I want my children to reject it too. Which means – surprise – that I have to take the time to teach them.
Walk in the light of the words, babies. That’s all I ask. I will try to do the same.
I enjoyed this post. Your words are flawless and you have a brilliant little man on your hands.
Methinks you are the evil son at the Passover seder? :-)
I have been reading your blog for a long time and am regularly touched by your posts. This post in particular has really moved me. I am a young woman (early 20s)raised in a Jewish family, dating an open-minded man who was raised in a Hindu family, and struggling with my religious beliefs. I am proud of my Jewish background; however, I have always identified more with the culture and community than The Book. What you have written here has put into words, better than I ever could, how I feel about faith. Thank you so much for your words.
WB told me recently that he believed in god and asked if I do. I told him I didn't know if there was a god but what was most important to his Daddy and me is that he believes what HE wants.
I love it when you write about subjects that many would avoid. Your words are always, always so well thought out and truly meaningful.
For what it's worth, I let my daughter's beliefs be formed by spending a great deal of time with her fundamentalist grandmother. As she grew older, though, she rejected a religion that rejected her.
Raise your son to be open and questioning, and you'll wind up with a thoughtful man who will choose his path wisely.
What a lovely, moving post. It is ones like this that make me truly happy to have found your blog and thankful that you decide to share with other Mommies like me. Thank you Stacey, sincerely.
This post is why I love you.
As a non-believing Jew, I struggle with what my kids bring home from their Jewish school everyday. I love that they are learning faith and kindness, but it's hard to hear them regurgitate some of the rest. Your situation is that much harder.
Hello from South America, Brasil!
I believe Richard Dawkins is right when he says that teaching kids any religious doctrine is a criminal act. There´s only one way: to believe? Or you go to hell? This is so cruel!
That´s why I have put my kids on non-religious schools. I don´t want them to be exposed to any sort of religious content.
I hope you can find a way to solve this problem. I really do.
I struggled with this very issue myself. Little kids can be SO black and white! I added my own 'gray' by casually introducing other religions (at this point, kind of a Cliff's Notes version of Judaism and Buddhism, and how they differ from Catholicism.) I think you're absolutely correct in trying to open a dialog – teaching that kind of tolerance, acceptance and most of all RESPECT could have prevented the Inquisition! :-)
Humans are so black and white, so concrete. We struggle with mystery, the things of grace and mercy and light. But we can take a verse like John 3:16 and humanize it–put religion on it, make it the haves and the have-nots. The ins and the outs. The worthy and the not-worthy. Religion teaches us to receive it that way, to feel it that way. So here I am, a Christian girl, and I feel this same thing you're feeling. I struggle with it all the time. I take my kids to church and then try to clarify and clear up what they learned there…it's so hard. I want to pull them out of everything sometimes, so they don't receive these subtle messages, this tone of UNgrace, like I did…like I've been recovering from for years now because of my background.
All that to say that it's really interesting that I'm a "believer" and yet we share these same feelings. I would love to talk about it for hours and hours.
Brave brave post, and I say BRAVO.
Scary Mommy brings up a good point–that even within your own faith and culture trickiness can arise.
I married a non Jew, with the understanding that the kids would be raised in the reform Jewish tradition. Will it be enough? Will the Sunday School and Hebrew school, Bar Mitzvahs and camp be enough if their Dad isn't Jewish?
If they marry non-Jews and don't raise their kids Jewish?
I struggle with all these questions.
Thank you so much for your honesty.
xo
I completely understand this post. I grew up being taught like G and formed my own opinions as I grew older.
Thank you for this wonderful post.
Just want you to know that just because things are black and white to your son right now doesn't mean things will always be so. I am Christian and am raising my children as such, but that doesn't mean it doesn't include lessons on tolerance and acceptance of others and their beliefs.
(((Hugs)))
Just so you know, because we're all a product of where we come from, I am a Christian woman married to a Jewish man. My oldest child has decided there is no God and that brings me an incredible amount of pain.
Ooookay, that being said, it makes me said that you see John 3:16 as a shadow. I do not believe that. It's not a threat, it's a promise, but I do not believe it's an exclusionary promise. I believe my husband will go to heaven. Without a shadow of a doubt. Unfortunately, I have doubts about my son. I do not believe it matters so much what you believe as long as you do believe.
All that being said, I do know that's not really what this post is about. I understand. It terrified me to send my children to Sunday school when we started. It required a great deal of trust in the people involved that no one would teach my children that their father, or his faith, were somehow "less than". Trust me, as Garrett moves farther and farther away from kindergarten the edges will be smoothed and hopefully he'll retain good thoughts and lose the judgment. Keep telling him your beliefs, you are the biggest influence in his life, even if it doesn't always seem like it. Kindergarten will be over but the relationship you have with him will not, and the teacher's influence and body language will fade. Please don't hold Christianity responsible for someone's inability to be inclusive and loving.
For what it's worth, again, not really the point, but my pastor always taught that the Jewish people have their own covenant with God that we should not try to hinder.
Oh gosh. This must be so, so hard for you. Here we thought, at first, that being a mom was most difficult when we had newborn babies to take care of… really, the hard part starts now. When questions about faith, religion, good, bad, eternity and death are asked by our little children, how are we prepared to answer these questions? I'm not. And my five year old asks all the time. We are Greek Orthodox, and my son goes to Catholic school. We are not really religious, but take our boys to church sometimes. I love that they love their faith. However, the other day when my five year old was reading a book talking about theory of evolution and he told me we all evolved from an animal… I told him that yes, we did… I know this story is nothing compared to what you must be having to deal with, and I guess I just want to say… I loved this post.
Ugh, that was supposed to be it makes me "sad", not "said". Oops!
I hope you can find some comfort from this ala carte Catholic. I spent 12 years indoctrinated and still question. The easy part for me is believing there is a God. Deity, universality, or unknown. There's something out there that's far bigger than us.
You'll find those who wear their faith as a cloak and others who wield it as a sword. Garrett (and Saige, and Quinn, and Nater) will learn to differentiate the two.
I love this post. I'm a faithless mommy, too and I wonder what it's going to be like for my kids in the world. I was raised Christian (read: kooky, holy rolling christian,) so all I know of being a kid is to be a Jesus loving kid. I hope the world is a kinder place for my girls, growing up without dogma.
Wonderful post. I am sure Gee will outgrow his zealousness if you keep talking to him.
I spent 24 years being as fundamental of a Christian as you could be (basically a reaction to living in a dysfunctional, alcoholic family. I needed a safe haven with rules). I've been an atheist for several years and grapple with the question of faith as it relates to my children. Most people around me don't understand my absolute refusal to send my child to Sunday School or VBS (they see it as free babysitting, which doesn't sit well with me even if I was a Christian). "But God loves him anyway" they tell me. But does God love me? I don't believe in God so I don't believe it matters, but the God I learned about all those years is pretty much an asshole. Do what he says or roast in hell for eternity.
There is no credibility to your post. It's simply full of opinion. The verse you are debating is part of a book that has been widely accepted for over 2,0000 years. I hope someday you truly find truth in your life.
i think the fact that they/the teacher has chosen that one line to teach them is outrageous. it does not teach love, it teaches passive agressive hatred of the other. UGH. *soapbox away*
so good for you for recognizing that. nip that one in the bud sister, you can do it. there is so much more he will learn from you, so have some faith in that.
we could have a great conversation about religion, you and I, sometime. :)
so well written, i love your writing. thanks for sharing it with us.
I was raised Southern Baptist…
I know, I know – it makes me cringe too.
I grew up resenting church. Mostly b/c my Mom was such a miserable person before and after church but put on a happy face while we were there so everyone thought we were a perfect little family. I was forced to make my "public profession of faith" at 16 and be baptized b/c my brother wanted to do it (age 11). I told my Mom I wasn't ready but it was important to her for us to do it at the same time. I still resent her for this.
I do believe in God I just don't believe in everything Mr. Preacher reads to his congregation. I don't want to go to church b/c I feel like it's mandatory and I need to tithe my way into heaven or I'm going Hell. And I want my daughter to be able to make her own choice in religion and faith. My family doesn't get the approach that my husband and I take but it works for us. I want to raise a child that is kind and caring and will hopefully be open to all faiths.
I love your transparency and honesty, but it breaks my heart that you dont believe. However, my hope and prayer is that God will continue to work in your life, through the words of a 5 year old!!! Go G!!!
Nolan went to Catholic preschool and I waited every day for these sorts of things to come home. My mom takes the boys with her to church at times because they like going. But I still struggle every day with how to teach them what I want them to know about faith and spirit and this thing we call god.
I think about this often. I am a non-practicing Catholic married to a Jewish man. I thought I had it all figured out, the kids would be raised Catholic and his mother, who is a Cantor, could teach them about Judaisim. But some where along the line I lost faith, not in my version of god but in the trappings that humans build around god.
I wonder can I teach my children to believe what I believe in without having some sort of religious structure behind them.
Hi there. This post is packed, and so well written. I completely understand how unsettling this has to be.
I am Roman Catholic, and my faith tells me that all those who seek God with a sincere heart, and moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their conscience, may achieve eternal salvation. This would involve sorrow for sins, a firm hope, and a love of God. And this is not for me to judge!
It's so amazing to read your post, as I've recently decided to read about the connections between the Jewish and the Christian faiths. So much of our liturgy comes from yours and I want to understand those things that we have continued practicing.
As a Christian, I believe in the NT teachings of the Messiah. And I also know that God loves and desires all of his people everywhere and at all times. And we are called to love all people everywhere and always.
So much of faith is a mystery that we have to embrace. Love and kindness everyone. Love and kindness.
This post breaks my heart on so many levels. And then the comments. OH! the comments.
I, too, have wrapped my life around *the promise* of John 3:16 and have lived in freedom knowing that my sins are forgiven!
I pray the tiny seeds being planted in your son's soul allow him the freedom to study, learn, and embrace faith of his own.
And who knows… maybe this whole experience will be a catalyst for YOU to study, learn and understand Jesus the Messiah.
I read your blog every day, but I never post. I connect with so many of the things that you write.
I just want to say that there are a lot of "us" out there feeling this. I want religion to make my children feel MORE accepted, and MORE secure, and MORE loved, and LESS judgemental. If it can't be taught to them in that way, then I would prefer it was not taught.
Having repented of "church-ianity" I think the best we can do is raise our kids to think.
G will grow up to see that vitriolic hatred in the name of any god is not God. He will grow to think – he is yours ;)
I think our children's job is to absorb like a sponge and then try it out in daily life. We are not churchgoers (although I was growing up, and my family still are), but we go occasionally when we're visiting family. Sweetpea at the age of three was presented with the Easter story for the first time and for a YEAR afterward would say "Jesus died on the cross" at the drop of a hat – once accusingly directed at her daddy when he rebuked her for some small offense.
I believe similarly to you – that there is more than one way to believe. Coming to that has been a struggle of almost the entirety of my adult life. I admire and support those who believe so absolutely but I'm comfortable that it's not my path.
We are all one – part of the same atom of exploded star matter. Or something like that. If we exclude, we hurt and I can't believe any god would intend that.
That's what I try to share with my daughter. It's imperfect maybe, but I'm okay with it. Faith is by definition something without proof – a sincerity of intention. And I've got that in spades.
(I also have a 104 fever so I apologize if this was an incoherent ramble)
I think its very common for people who don't follow any organized faith to think the best path (or at least an easy, unharmful path) is to not bring "the whole God thing" up much with their kids. But, you see, even if you don't teach something, someone will teach them something. Even if your kids go to public school, its going to come up in their life.
My parents were raised Jewish and Catholic, respectively. And they both hated it. And they vowed to raise children without forcing any beliefs on them.
They have 5 grown children, now. Two devoutly Catholic, 1 devoutly Protestant, 1 on a journey to become Jewish, and 1 strongly strongly athiest (in a way that is as much a "religion" as any other belief).
Holidays are weird around our house.
But I really think my parents absolute refusal to teach us anything of what they believe, made us all a bit obsessed about figuring out what we believe. And I know the results are very much to their chagrin. I suspect they regret leaving us all on our own.
I guess the lesson in my story is everyone believes something. Even if that something is that there is nothing to believe, or endless things to believe. Your children will all believe something. And if you dont teach them what to believe you leave it to others to step in.
I love this post so much, I can't even put it into words. This. Yes. This.
I struggle with how I will present the idea of God to Ava. I resist putting her in any school that is going to do it for me. I want her first ideas of that to come from her father and I. No matter what path she ultimately chooses, I'd like to know that I helped start her on it.
I adore you. You are an amazing mother. This is a fantastic post.
Hmmm… I'm sort of wishing for a post about foot fungus right… at least I'd know what to say.
Truth be told, I have a 'religion post' rolling around in my head right now too. As somebody who has recently returned to church, and is taking her 6-year old along for the ride, I have been worried about what it will be like for my daughter to grow up surrounded by one faith. I'll do my best to talk to her like you are talking to Garrett, and I hope that her religious teachers are open hearted and open minded, and that at the end of the day, the message of LOVE is the strongest message.
Beautiful post. I posted to FB– think about this all the time. My daughter attends Methodist daycare, and I'm on a more Humanist path.
I have to agree with you here and I am a practicing Catholic with my youngest in our church's pre-k program. I cringed last week when she said that if someone gets hurt in our house (a cut or a scratch) that "Jesus can make it better". Uhm, no kid, that would actually be your body that heals itself. Which I told her but "Miss Bonnie says that Jesus heals us, and if we have an ouchie, it needs to heal and Jesus will do that."
So is it horrible that I'm looking forward to next year when she is home with my other two girls and I don't have her surrounded with it every day?
Eh. I'm okay with it because I've seen the products of a Catholic school education – and I'm not taking the education part. I'm talking about the clique-iness and the bitterness that forms in the small classes.
I read this last night and it sparked so many thoughts … I think that when you send your kids to school – ANY school – that you need to follow up with them to discuss what they learned and put a "family" spin on it. As with anything, they'll take their teacher's words as gospel … just as they would a TV commercial, advertisement, or whatever a friend has said …
My girls go to Sunday School now for the first time EVER – even AFTER living in Israel for 3 years … and they're trying to "get it". To understand.
As another Jewish girl, who sadly isn't as into it as I once was, I try to remember that it isn't just the words that are spoken, the songs that are sung, the passages that are read that makes me a Jew.
It's the feeling I have around friends and family, the stories from my past, the anecdotes that I share with my kids that make it whole. And even if it isn't what my parents or my inlaws taught us … having a new path to share with my kids is kinda cool.
sifting through your comments here though i can only get through a few … and i love hearing the discussion and the support for a topic that can be so difficult.
i am so with you on this. and i agree with heather of the eo that i could sit and discuss this with you forEVER. it's rough. i grew up believing and am now constantly questioning. i can't take my kids to church. and i get so flustered when my mother in law teaches them or brings over her religious books. i sometimes feel awful that people are trying to sway me … and i can't do it. i wish there was a simpler way to just teach my kids to believe in something without having to believe in something that tells you how to believe.
So many thoughts that I'd love to respond to and blogger makes it so darn hard.
@julie I'm so glad you read – thank you.
@misfit mommy & Heather EO There is such danger in black in white in a rainbow world.
@Heather EO & @Jen I will kidnap you if you're not careful, I would LOVE to talk with you for hours and hours and hours.
@loukie @mom24 @wendy I do know that so many Christians teach and believe things similar to my thoughts here. It is a gorgeous faith.
@courtney Exactly. I want to guide my children … but it's so hard to find a balance.
To all: I could write a post to each of you in response. I'll email later when Nate isn't holding a loud toy in my face – as if I should parent him or something. Most importantly this: thank you for your thoughtfulness and openness.
don't be so hard on yourself, mama. he'll remember what you say moreso than some primary school teacher. trust me… i was in religious preschool and then sunday school until 13… know what i recall? my dad telling me to always question and never judge. you have the power.
Our home in faithless so I cannot join that debate.
For me the bigger lesson is that, if even only for a "moment", letting go of what we want our children to learn and letting another person fill that space with what they believe is true can cause problems on all levels. There are times when I thought "it's no big deal" and now wish I could go back and change it. Learn from this and be more diligent in the future….kids learn quickly and forget quickly as well. This will pass; he's young.
Love your honesty and thoughts on this. I feel exactly like you do.
Crap. I wrote this whole long comment and LOST it when I tried to preview it for typos and any sensibility.
UGHHH
OK, shorter version:
YOu might know I'm Catholic, big time. It means everything to me. So anything I say is couched in that marination, eh? Of course it is.
So:
I think it's totally ok to punch and push at religion and Church and ask any hard question(s) you've got. Always and ever. Do it. How can you not?
That said tho, there is a bit in this post that I have to address:
"have no faith in their ability to keep their faithful from subverting their message. Believe this or be worth less."
Ok, first, it is human nature to subvert anything to our own personal agenda that is tweaked on almost a daily basis on our own personal mood, context/surroundings(cranky, tired, head cold, not enough wine or fun or too much), ambitions, manipulations, wounds or healing. So, yeah, the members of churches are notorious on large and small scales for subverting messages. No news flash there.
BUT….
The idea that "believe or be worth less"..I have to take issue with that:
IN NO WAY can any ONE EVER EVER be worth LESS, NO MATTER the religion or lack of it or which one or not….every person, each human has immeasurable value, intrinsic to their very nature as a human, that cannot be measured nor diminished. It simply CANNOT be taken away or LESSENED even, no matter of their actions (no matter if they are acceptable, noble or heinous), nor of their affiliations, or lack of affiliations.
Human life is not a club. It is not a high school clique.
There is NO LESS THAN.
Ever.
No matter what.
So, I say, keep pushing and asking and thinking and examining, your own beliefs and motives AND others….but in no way ever interpret that Christian religion has a value scale on who is worth more and that it is tied to belief. IT cannot be. There IS NO value scale. Because the scale is the same for each human life every in existence, before, now, to come. If that's the message (that less than bit) youv'e gotten, that message is wrong.
Thanks for your bravery. Wonderful post.
I recommend you read Parenting Beyond Belief, edited by Dale McGowan. There is also a website: http://www.parentingbeyondbelief.com/I hope you find both as helpful as our family has.
This one made me cry a little bit. All I want is tolerance, kindness, love, for everyone, from everyone. Never judgement or shame. Unfortunately, I doubt these will be found in church.
Beautifully, beautifully, beautifully written by the way.
Best post I've read all year. Children at that age (I have one as well) are quite black and white – much like many religions. I think that allows them to understand the religion more quickly. When there's a 'right' and 'wrong', children can understand that. Once you get into variables, and choices and self-discovery children become confused. Their brains aren't capable of processing that many variables. Yet. But they will.
I also visited a concentration camp – Dachau when I was an exchange student after high school. It was quite possibly the most moving place I have ever been. A bit overwhelming for an 18 year old at the time. I'll never forget "Arbeit Macht Frei".
oh my, this was a brave post. i commend you for writing it. these are the conversations that i wish parents would have with one another, without judgment, without labels, and even without answers… because really, when you think about it, is there an answer? aren't there many answers? i don't know…
as a born and raised and married and had my son married in the catholic church that i have turned away from, i really felt the raw candor in your feelings through this post.
thank you for publishing this.
goodness… in my comment i said "had my son married in the catholic church." i meant BAPTIZED.
sheesh!!! see, i'm all flustered now. but still grateful for this post.
I've read this three times and nodded and smiled and felt my heart pull and emailed it to friends. In a strange way, I get this so much. We're sending Luke to a Lutheran preschool next year and even though Shane and I both identify as Christian (I guess), we both have misgivings about sending him to a Christian school because we're afraid of indoctrination. And I know that's dumb, but I want him to know that there are many lights to follow, many paths to walk, not just one.
I think this is a very brave post and I commend you for writing it and putting it out there. We all want the best for our kids and want to do the best job parenting, and both of those qualities come shining through in your writing.
I think it's important to remember that Christianity at its core, is a relationship with Christ, not a religion. If my children find a relationship with Christ, I will be happy and supportive. Although, it is not in my hands, nor even theirs.
“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.” John 6:44
And who knows, by your son possibly finding Christ, maybe his purpose on earth is to someday lead you to Christ as well.
The best thing about a child in kindergarden learning this sort of thing, is that next year he will have a new (school?) , teacher and new things to learn and some of these issues will be gone.
Jesus and all those miracles are always so attractive to children. My 5 year old thought he could wear a cloak ( dish towel) and fly .. thanks to some gossip from a friend who was Catholic lol.
What a smart, wonderful, thoughtful post.
I have chosen to raise my children without formal religion for all the reasons you touch upon—hoping my loosey-goosey beliefs about "god" would trickle down to them. But, my oldest is firm: There is no god. She thinks religion sounds ludicrous and refuses to even consider it.
As anti-formal religion as I am, this troubles me.
And while you are wondering if your son is going too far to one side, I worry that mine is too far to the other.
oh, sweet friend. I am so so sorry that you feel such huge loss. Even though I look at it from a different side, I see your point so clearly and feel your hurt. But, you know, he is still young. He has not "arrived" at this… he has been fed a certain thing. I have an opposite thing here– a child raised IN Christianity and faith who wonders the opposite. I have taught him above all to think for himself. Not to just follow the crowd. He is a teenager. A beginning man. He is asking, "how do I know that what you tell me is right?" I said, well, the Bible teaches we are to each work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. WE work it out with God(or whatever you call God). We have our own faith each of us, no matter what you say, you have faith. Your faith may lie in yourself, it may lie in God, it may lie in just the fact we should all be "good" to other humans and animals. We all carry some faith to some degree because we are HUMAN. I told my son– I teach you what I believe based on MY experiences with God and what I believe the Bible teaches. Now I wait to see what his experiences will be and where his faith will lie. The most important thing, is that they learn that loving others and not being prideful or arrogant about their religion (or lack therof) is more important. Or that is what is important to ME anyway. I hope things go smoothly and maybe the summer will give you a clearer plan for your family. Hugs to you.
"There are many ways to believe…as many ways as there are flower petals, as many ways as there are thoughts."
The essence of faith and god right there in your words to your child.
And now to me.
Thanks for that – I needed it today.
Peace.
Thank you for this post. I have so much more to say, but it's probably best that I leave it at that. :)
I could talk about this until I'm blue in the faith. I have wondered many of the same things, but based on my experiences, the black and white the little ones see, will start to fade to gray with time and your guidance. As well, they hear everything we are saying and hopefully, they will learn if nothing else from us, that it is best to not be judgmental and critical of what others believe. I am the epitome of a religious mess. I was raised by two (that's right 2, Unitarian ministers), one of whom raised Lutheran and the other Methodist. I went on to make the wonderful smart decision (whatever) to major in Religion in college. I have read the bible, New and Old, and studied and studied them from an educational stand point. Threw it all, I know no more. My faith is one of constant question and marrying and Episcopalian hasn't helped much. I will tell you this, ALL of my children has gone to Christian preschools. They say their blessing and have their bible stories, and yes, sometimes I cringe, but they all hear me regardless. They all know that my belief at the core is that we are to be good people, and to accept others for who they are. My oldest son has a stead fast belief in god. It was difficult for me at first, but then I realized, it was something that he needed, that helped him to feel peace. When he dealt with a tumor and major surgery this year at 11 years old, his belief gave him comfort, and that gave me comfort. As Garrett and all of your get older, they will form their own opinions but they will hear you more than any other influence. Find peace and comfort in that if you can. Sorry this is the longest comment ever.
Lucia
I have to say it was heart wrenching to read your post..I was raised catholic but for some reason my parents (especially my mother) were pretty liberal for the times. It was from her that I learned of a god who was/is love (and marianne williamson too!)regardless of who we were. It was based on that belief that my husband and I decided to raise our children without a religion and trusting ourselves to teach/show them what they need to be healthy, tolerant, loving people. (as best as we can anyway). We are also fortunate enough to have a good public school system to send them to.
This post is amazing and I want so badly to attack those who "attack" you for not believing and "you should believe what I believe or else". I have three children and they have been baptized in the catholic church. We are not regular church goers. Here's what I DO know. There are far to many terrible acts against other humans that are commited in the name of Jesus or God. I believe that if you truly have faith, that you do not judge someone based on what their faith is, you judge them by their actions. Sorry for such a lengthy vent.
Hi you – I want to say I admire, respect, and am always in awe of what you write. You go where others fear. You talk about what hurts your spirit,and what makes your spirit sing.
As Heather so lovingly put it — it's really interesting that I'm a "believer" and yet we share these same feelings. I would love to talk about it for hours and hours with you.
In fact, I'd love to talk and talk about lots of things with you.
You are amazing, and your kids are so lucky to have you as their mother.
When our daughter was about 4, she started to express interest in faith, as she was not exposed to any religion.
We're not Jewish, but I like wanted to light candles for Hanukkah. Not interested in the history lesson, she wanted to pray and asked us to join her as she clasped her hands together and lowered her head. I was leery about where this Hanukkah lesson was going but followed along at her request. Her solemn prayer was "I pray to the light in each of us".
So in trying to teach her about Hanukkah, she assumed a Christian pose and offered a pagan prayer.
I knew we would be OK as we explored different faiths together.
This is honestly one of the best written things I've ever seen posted to a blog. Your thoughts are articulated so well, and I found them extremely moving. Thank you for sharing it.
Love you, girl! My son thought Tom and I were going to hell b/c we didn't think dinosaurs were on the ark. I have had to weigh all of the good things that he is learning at his Christian school with the few things and attitudes we don't agree with. I try to remember that I am his first teacher, as you are for Gee. xo
You have no idea how much your post means to me today. This weekend I will go to watch my husband's nephew join the Catholic faith as a 16 yr old young man.
He was raised in another faith but exposed through a series of twists and fate(?) to Catholicism.
I too am Catholic. Raising 3 sons in my faith with the love and support of my non-Catholic husband. He supports us, attends Mass with us and helps educate the boys in their faith – but feels no call or need to claim it as his own.
Our oldest son (also 16) will stand behind his cousin, with his hand on his shoulder in a physical act to demonstrate that he is sponsoring and supporting his cousin on this journey. It's a huge responsibility and honor.
The issue: My Mother in Law is not attending. She is distraught and upset that her grandson has chosen a faith not her own. she is the only grandmother he has ever known. The woman who helped raise him when his own mother chose to abdicate the honor when he was 3.
My husband feels horrible and torn. Her denial of this grandson makes him question her acceptance of his children. He is currently planning on sitting with her at home (we are traveling to their home town, we live elsewhere).
I feel(felt?)he was rewarding her poor behavior. Reading your post has given me pause. To see this not as her lacking support for her grandson, but for having issues with the beliefs contrary to her own.
Thank you for giving me another view. While I don't know if her motives are elfish or not, at least I now realize they may not be wholly self centered on her part – and can work to make sure my response to her actions if not selfish or self serving on mine.
I think you are brave and wonderful for writing about things that other moms are afraid to voice. For what it's worth (and it may not be worth a whole hill of beans to you, and that's ok, I still love you!), there is nothing that hurts me more than those who call themselves christians but use it as a cloak under which to shame, and bully, and judge, and deny. I'm a christian too, and that's not the God I know. If you're alive on this planet,then you don't have all the answers. Doesn't matter who you are, or how advanced your learning of "theology", or if you know the bible inside and out. There are still so many beautiful mysteries. And I think that's how it's supposed to be. Raising your sweet babies to learn, and question and never take what other's say at face value is far more important than laying out one path before them and telling them that's all there is. You are wonderful and though we may differ on some things, there are a million and one other things that tie us together on this bumpy, painful, amazing path of motherhood.
This is beautiful. I was born and raised Roman Catholic by my grandmother. However my mother is like you, she believes in not one particular religion, she just believes in God. After suffering the bible, catechism, and all the ceremonies of the Catholic faith and realizing that people are people and i refuse to let another person tell me what is the right and wrong way to believe, I told my grandmother I wasnt going back. I have two younger sisters and I try to teach them the same. I dont even force them to believe in a God. But to be good, loving, accepting people. Because that, thats what really matters.
I always hated when my grandmother would tell me that my friends that were never baptized were going to go to hell. I couldnt understand that if God was so loving, why would he do such a thing? My friends were good people, dont they deserve a chance to?
I haven't stopped by to comment for a while but this post resonated deeply with me. I consider myself a Christian, but am finishing up a two year certificate program in interfaith studies and feel so passionately that we must respect and seek to understand one another if we are to create any peace in this world. The Interfaith Youth Core out of Chicago might have some good info (ifyc.org). Somewhere I also have a great list of children's books that address different faith traditions. A good place to start might be to present different angles in an informational way…which would allow you to present a more balanced point of view without having to define exactly what you believe or don't at this point in your journey. If you are interested, shoot me an email at lseiter@sbcglobal.net and I will try to track it down!
Also, a few good books that I am dying to read…
"This I Believe", an NPR project that allows a diverse collection of Americans to state how they feel about faith and the world in general, and also…
Is God a Christian?, due out in May. http://www.isgodachristian.com This quote piqued my interest, "Exclusionary religion turns religion itself into a pagan idol." Wow.
Good luck. Thinking of you.
Libby
This post gave me goosebumps. You, my friend, are amazing. Your kids are so lucky to have you! Do you mind if I commit this blog entry to memory so I can quote you at will when having religious discussions with my family?? :) Really, it's wonderful to read such a beautifully articulated account of the struggles many of us have with religion.
I wish I had time right now to read all of the comments, because I'm sure they, like you, are wise and thoughtful.
This is such a hard issue. I was raised Catholic, spent 13 years in Catholic school, and even taught in a parochial school when I first began teaching. I loved it, even as I questioned it and ultimately rejected many of its fundamental teachings. What I loved is everything you hoped G would gain: teachings of love, service, social justice, kindness. I miss that, and I miss the easy way I could talk to the children about religion. I miss the community, and the certainty that belonging gave me, but I never felt like our way was the only way. It makes me so sad that G and his teachers and so many others in the are world believe this.
I will never send my children to parochial school because I worry about exactly what you describe: that they will imbibe the lessons I reject and reject other people in the process.
As a public school teacher, I have never considered homeschooling my children, but I think in the area of faith, I may have to. I wish I could send them to you, though, when I need a break, because your faith and mine sound awfully similar.
I have been reading your blog for over a year now, but have never commented before. But, this has struck a real chord with me this morning. My daughter attends supposedly religion-free public school. Unfortunately, this year her first grade teacher brought up baby Jesus around the holidays and that seems to have unleashed some rather intolerant beliefs from some of my daughter's classmates. I am not a person of faith at all, despite (or maybe because of) being raised with a religion (that never made sense to me-Christianity). Now, my daughter is being told on an almost daily basis that people who don't believe will go to Hell and be "tortured by the devil." It's been shocking to me that the school allows this to go on, despite my reports of religious bullying. Just one more reason I am so anti-religion for my family.
This post spoke to me on so many different levels.
Where to begin? My hubs and I have quit going to church altogether because we can't agree on what's suitable for our kids. He has the John 3:16 belief and I have a more open-minded one. Hopefully someday, for our kids' sake, we can find a happy medium.
I LOVE this post and you have a beautiful way with words.
thank you for sharing you, especially in this post, where i found words that are also me, that i had never strung together just so. my children are not even in pre-school yet, but i've thought of this conundrum and landed in the same place you did – with a shrug of the shoulders. now i will know better. i will teach them and i will have faith that there is enough of me streaming through their veins to be open to everything i hope they are. thank you.
i'm with you…
You've had so many comments already, I don't know if mine will be a duplicate. I like to comment before reading others'.
I, ironically, say this. AMEN
Whenever I hear something "christian" uttered from my OffSprings lips, I clench. Wondering how deep that thought is in their being. My eldest said to me, "Mommy, I think God gave Gregory cancer so you and daddy would stay married." That statement made my blood run cold.
We have a great conversation about it, but I am constantly on the defense when it comes to their religious outside influences. I NEVER bad mouth them. Just discuss the differences.
When it is all said and done, my religion, faith, spirituality can be explained in one word: LOVE
Which means ALL of my existence is religious, faith filled and spiritual.
I love YOU, mama. Fiercely.
Nice post. Some might consider me faithless as well. I believe in my own way without attending church. My father was Lutheran and took me to church twice in my entire childhood. My mother is Buddhist. I married a Southern Baptist and have so far managed to raise a respectful, polite and loving fourteen year old boy without going to church. G will be fine. You are his greatest influence. The upside is that he might do better in English literature by learning the Bible. He'll get all those metaphors that went over my head!
I'm pretty sure you already know this, but I love you.
Even though everything you wrote you are against, I am FOR. Even though everything you claim as UNtruth, I claim as TRUTH.
Even though you are fighting the spreading of Jesus in your own home, and I just traveled 4,000 miles to the beautiful continent of Africa to SPREAD what I believe is truth.
Even though you say there are many ways, and I believe in One way.
I love you. That will not change. And I hope you don't mind if I pray that you will understand the truth that I hold so dear to my heart. But even if you never believe what I believe, my love for you will remain.
Hugs to you friend.
So, what I love about your writing is it gives me such a refreshing, honest look inside the mind of someone that sees the world a bit different than me. If we're talking about tolerance and acceptance, that's important, no?
The other thing that strikes me is that even though we might look at this specific issue from opposite "sides," (i.e., Christian/Non-Christian), there is such commonality in the idea that as mothers we all want our kids to embrace certain truths and it scares the crap out of us that someone else might steer them away from that.
As thirty-somethings (or whatever), our truths are hard-fought-for. They've settled into our hearts after years of crisis and experience and life and brokenness. They've crystalized for us through a combination of experiences in schools, at home and deep in our hearts. And we know that we can't take these truths that we've pieced together over a long and windy journey and deposit them straight into our kids' brains. We know that to do that would only be temporary, that any "truth" not fought for (and fought through) will not stick, no matter how true it is. And that's scary, no matter what you believe.
Love the post. My own 2nd grader "G" went to a Catholic preschool, and my former-nun mother (really!) gently keeps offering to pay for more Catholic education, and take her to Mass (luckily, my child doesn't want to go with her to Mass anymore). My lovely MIL is polar opposite, a meditation SRF yogi. My husband prays "God, save me from your followers," and I came to terms with my own respectful unbelief five or so years ago, after our daughter was baptized. I let her listen to her grandmothers' different viewpoints of religion because I see children with a complete void of religion later embrace fundamentalist schlock (Kirk Cameron, for example). Someday G will see through the Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy "magic," and then I will gently talk with her about how they personify good ideas (peace and goodwill toward humanity, for example). And in the same way, God is wonderful stories that people made up to feel better about death, things that hurt us, and the need to be good to each other. (Simplistically stated but that's the core.) The bible is like a fairy tale – and we do enjoy fairy tales and learn from them. I hope (pray?) your son's maturity will guide him in that direction, too. A humanist named Donald Clegg writes in our local newspaper, you might like his work: Donald Clegg Spokesman Review.
I am so heartbroken over this post….and oh my…the comments. How does one live each day without the peace of our Creator? There is no hope in this life without Him. He is our promise! He is our joy! He is our eternity! There is only ONE way to God and that is through His one and only son, who lived a sinless life, Jesus. He has paid the price for our sins. He has made a way for us to have a relationship with GOD!
Until God grants you the gift of faith, it will all seem like foolishness. But, oh buddy, when He does…… You will believe and there is NO TURNING BACK. You will love Him above all things and all these "quacky" Christians won't seem so quacky anymore. It will make sense. And your life will be filled with so much peace.
Seek Him! I CHALLENGE you to read The Bible. Start in John and read the entire book of John. You WILL BE CHANGED.
I am getting there… and fast. I grew up Catholic and am beyond disgusted by the church's betrayals. I recommend reading "Misquoting Jesus" and other historical accounts of the bible. Puts literalism in its place. An excellent read if you are tired of the bible quoters beating you up as I am.
It just all exhausts me. I wish you luck in finding your way. I am muddling and seeking answers through it and suspect that is how it is anyway. Never stop seeking truth and you can hold your head high.
This is beautiful, in so many ways. This harks of a reckoning that I am also coming to. I consider myself Christian and by way of my great-grandmother and a couple of years in a private Christian school (as an alternative to the sub-par public schools I should have gone to in my district), I was raised with a religious John 3:16 sort of background.
But because my mom exposed me to different religions and taught me to be open and accepting to different faiths and belief systems, I was able to formulate my own ideas about God and religion and life. I think that God is too big to be confined to the way any religion defines – or doesn't define – their god. In my mind, God is every god – every force of light and faith and acceptance and goodwill, and is just given different names by different faith. While I don't necessarily disapprove of organized religion, I do think that in many ways, it over-complicates what is best kept in simplicity; God's (or the Universe's or whoever's) request is only that you believe in what is right and good and try to live it.
I've also felt remiss in my responsibilities to my children in this matter. I want them to know religion from a cultural standpoint, as an understanding of how it has caused the world to shift and evolve, to break apart and make itself over again. I want them to know it so that they can make heads or tales of it and decide for themselves how to apply it to their own lives, to determine how to fit it into the fiber of their beings without using it to stand superior of those who differ in thought. I want it to open their hearts wider than they're already open. That education of God and Budda and Vishnu and Muhammed – it has to start somewhere. I can't help feeling like by the time I was the twins' age (9), I was so much more understanding of those things than they are now.
Wow … you've really opened up a huge box of thought for me. I think this comment is probably the start of a new blog post.
Stacey–I live in your town, and for the life of me can't remember how I stumbled onto your blog. It struck a chord. I grew up on the east coast and have lived here (happily) for 5 years. I am Jewish to a Christian husband (both non-practicing). My oldest (5yrs) went to a fabulous Montessori. We chose Montessori for many reasons and loved it (still do). Last year, at Christmas time she came home talking a lot about baby Jesus and was practicing to be in a play. I was so bothered because a)I don't send her to a religious school for a reason, b)she was getting nothing BUT the story of Jesus (if they had shared many beliefs that would have been okay(ish)) 3)her teacher's beliefs were important to her adn she was ripe for the picking.
I addressed this with the school director who understood. We switched schools this year because of a job change, but not sure what would have happened.
In this very homogenous town, it is even more important to me that the kids are exposed to the idea that everyone is entitled to their beliefs. The problem for me, as evidenced in several replies here, is that there are those who believe their way is the only way. You so eloquently stated your beliefs, yet there are those who don't hear you and continue to urge you to see their way (aka the only way).
Good luck with however you decide to handle this. PS–really enjoy your blog!
I know I'm a bit late now, but I still have to say: I LOVE this post. I didn't comment before because I put it up on Facebook, and most people IRL don't know my blog and I didn't want a link, but seriously, LOVE. My husband and I were both raised very Catholic, and now I am "nothing." Because I don't.care. I have wondered how we will deal with this with children. Our families, his especially, will be very hurt if we don't baptize. But I won't go to a class and promise to raise him/her in the faith. And if we do baptize, where do we cut it off? Because I don't want to send them through prep for first communion for the very reasons you just went into. I don't like so much about Christianity, even if love is at the heart (debatable for many). I'd rather take the love and leave the rest. Tough place to be.
That was a lot of my rambling, but in short: THANK YOU for writing this post. It is beautiful. And you are brave.
This is why I won't send my sons to a religious school. The thing that troubles me is that kids are so impressionable when they're very young, and when teachers and people in a position of trust and respect put these words into their mouths, they take them on as their own, without the resources to question them that we only learn when we're older. As a non-believing but open-to-ideas parent, it's my hope that my sons will grow up open to different possibilities too.
Loved this post. As always you have an excellent way with your words.
I am Jewish and my children are raised Catholic. Whenever any concern about my salvation comes up, I explain to them confidently that God loves us all and that all paths to him are good. Also, Catholicism does not consider non-Catholics damned to hell, so it's a little easier than dealing with stricter Protestant teachings. If a CCD teacher or a textbook strays over that line, I make a fuss. I find that, as they have grown, I've been able to walk that line between respecting (and even loving) their religion while still honoring mine. The main issue is to ensure that his teacher honors your religion. You should have a private conference with her.
And don't worry – 5-year-olds are not that easily brainwashable. Try convincing G that potato chips are evil and see how far you get.
girl, get that boy out of that school!!!
This is an amazing post.. I feel so similarly and always feel lost when it comes to talk about how strongly I feel about that shadow and how little I know how to broach the topic. How sad I was when my dearest friend said how sad she was that she was going to heaven and I was not. How I know that I will never be asked to be her children's godparents, because I do not believe, and yet should I ever be blessed with children, she is the only one I'd ever ask the same of.
Thank you for sharing your words. They are wonderful and powerful and needed. Too little time is spent really talking about these things in calm, honest ways.
I must add a "Bravo" to your words. This is such a difficult choice ~ allow others to teach your child what you do not believe or shelter them within your belief system. Indoctrination in belief systems can only be fully embraced when there is not counter belief. Your son is learning very early that beliefs are just that – "beliefs."
My first inclination is to say – get him out of there – it would be easier to keep him sheltered. Although you cannot un-ring a bell.
My second is to say – good for you to face this head on. People in the world believe this. Is your son too young to be discerning? What would our world look like if we exposed all of our young children to beliefs that are counter to ours? They may surprise us. Right now he is embedded in the culture of kindergarten. Your conversations will last forever and give him tools to counter this subversive instruction.
Whatever you choose, your insight and discussion is extremely heartening.
I have come back to this and read it, read it again, and again. I still don't know how to say exactly what I want to say. Is it strange to say I think this is beautiful? So hard, yes. It touched on some personal worries for me. But the post itself is beautifully written. I align so much with what you think and how you say it. I so agree with the more than one path to God and am constantly frustrated by how much is done in the name of God that is hurtful, causes more problems rather than working toward a solution, and excludes all else as 'wrong'. I think you helped me solidify some of my beliefs in my own head, somethings I want and don't want for my kids. For that? Thanks.
I'm so late responding to this post, but wanted to give you a cyber hug and point you to a book you might be really interested in reading. I don't know if you've heard of Rob Bell or the major (upsetting) stir he has caused in the Christian community world wide with his latest book… but it might be something you really enjoy; if nothing else it is causing folks everywhere, Christian and non-Christian alike to think and examine what they believe about God, about heaven and hell, and why they believe it. It's called "Love Wins".
I was raised protestant. We put the WASP in WASP. I'm still very conservative but have my kids in public school. I worry that they WON'T know God like I do and that I'm letting them down by not doing what I need to do. I married a man who is agnostic at best but goes with me to chuch (b/c he promised before they were born and I thought that was good enough — and I do love him for it!) and I worry that I've let them down b/c I didn't marry someone with my same faith (and what does that say about MY faith).
Sigh. So many worries. We might have to trade kids. My youngest said the other day "I hate Sunday School. I mean, I love God and everything but I HATE Sunday School."
I love open and honest discussion about what we worry about — and how similar they can be even when we're polar opposites :)!
Your writing makes me think.
I don't know how I missed this post, but I am glad you referenced it in today's.
Once again, I am floored by your writing. My husband is a non-practicing Catholic, and I was baptized a Lutheran and confirmed as Episcopalian. Nothing took however :)
Our kids were baptized in the Catholic Church because my dear mother-in-law wouldn't have been able to sleep if we hadn't. However, that was about it for any formal training. So, I have four children, none of whom believe in THE God, but all of whom are kind, caring, thinking, open-minded adults. That satisfies me.
I've come back and read this post a couple times, and shared it via email with my husband and Reader with my friends, after finding it through a shared link on Reader my self. This is scary and real to me, and likely a future chapter of our story too. Thanks for reminding me what's important.
I love your words. You've so quickly become one of my favorites.
You wrote my heart. Thank you.
My good friend Julia was having troubles posting a comment. She asked me to pass this on to you…
http://www.about-aria.blogspot.com/
MinditheMagnificent sent me your way. My daughter was in this school for 4months. I, too, thought it would be a benign experience. I can't tell you specifically why it wasn't. Much like faith, which is the belief in something basically unprovable, it was a growing 'feeling', a tone, a flavor, a subtle attitude that extended beyond the playful fictions of a child. Things like, "No mama, Jesus was God's son!" next to "No mama, boys are not pink or purple only white or brown!" (my 4 year old told me that with tremendous conviction this morning while coloring.) are so hard to sort when they trigger such depth of emotion within us. We can't help but take those triggered convictions seriously and we ought to not only for their sake but for our own.
I LOVE that you are holding so dearly the spiritual growth and depth of your son and reclaiming it back to yourself. There really is nothing more important.
People find it nearly impossible to hold that God is too profound, too vast, too infinite to be defined by any one conviction. I know millions of people who believe otherwise. I bow deeply to them–their journey and their Divinity toward awakening.
I profoundly respect your willingness to listen to Divinity with you. Through you, your son will discover his own perfect unique Divine Self.
The many faces of God in each of us…if only we had eyes to see. ~julia
This is just all sorts of beautiful and perfection. I love you for sharing it. xoxo Tracy
Thank you for this post. It is how I feel but have never been able to put into words. My friend shared this with me and it happened to be the day after my daughter said I was "Not smart" because of my lack of Christian knowledge. She is 5 and has only been going to Sunday school about 5 months. She goes because it is important to my husband and because she asked to go after getting some very confusing messages from my MIL. Her statement was a slap in the face and I need to make some changes.
Again, thank you! You put my thoughts into eloquent words!
His teacher may teach him an idea or two, but YOU will form how he approaches those ideas, and any in the future.
I love religions – I find them fascinating – but I don't find solace in any of them. I find it in the love of my family, in learning and in rational discourse, because that is the "religion" in which I was raised.
Your love is his greatest lesson from God. As your bright boy struggles with the words of man, you will show him the power of the light that is within each of us… to question, ponder, react, and respond. THAT is God.
I haven't read the other comments, but I know your pain. I remember when they started and you questioned the religious aspect. It still haunts our own house with Evan, who is in the third grade, after 1 year of Christian preschool. ONE YEAR. I am amazed that the mantras that are repeated in the formative years are so, well, FORMATIVE, but they are.
Now you have to have your OWN mantra. Seriously. One that you maybe say before bed each night? One that emphasizes love and acceptance of everyone, no matter what their beliefs. One that doesn't force faith through fear of damnation but encourages discovering the peace that the universe has to offer through our own paths…
Wow-I applaud your remarkable insight. It IS a one-sided sort of kindness when we are teaching that anyone who does not think and believe like us is damned….
I'm a bit late, and this probably doesn't really mean anything, but God says the first shall be last and the last shall be first. His chosen people (Jews) remain his chosen people – He just opens the doors to the gentiles through Christ Jesus. Or at least, that's how I understand it. I'd love to be a Messianic Jew because I firmly believe that you can't get closer to God than that – to envelope His history and love the freedom found in Him at the same time. Awesome.
I too think it is unfortunate that a message like that comes across. I think that would have been the opposite of what Jesus would have wanted. He advocated for peace, unity, and mutual respect for one another. He was often portrayed as reaching out to those of a different faith or "no faith", those seen as outcasts and faithless. He preached love and mercy and from what I have read of your writings it sounds to me like you are a believer in God and God's love for the world. Perhaps Jesus is like a messenger of the truth of God's love for creation, like a love letter. You've received that message from God, its clear from your writting, though it just came in a different letter. I think exposing your children to a diversity of faiths is a wonderful thing. I think it is courageous to send your children to a christian school and it shows your openness and also that you're not afraid to let them grapple with difficult questions early on. I think that's wonderful! The world and religions are a complicated thing, many people just shy away from the subject or just stay in their own bubble so they don't have to confront difficult questions.
Just another thought. Maybe reading Jewish books explaining the faith and history would be a nice way to teach them more. Also I think sometimes people neglect to remember that Jesus was Jewish and it never seems like he intended to create a new religion, he only advocated for reform and more inclusion. He was a faithful Jew celebrating Passover the evening before his death.
I often think of the Sufi parable about the three blind men arguing about the elephant. Sometimes I think we miss the bigger picture that we are all talking about the same God. God must laugh at us. But I think She must look at you with love and as with you and your children on this difficult journey through the dessert!
I truly admire your post and your vulerability in your words. As a Christian woman, I have always wondered how people could NOT believe in God and his mercy and grace and love. Reading your post really opened my eyes to see your reasons for not believing. Although I disagree, I really appreciate your post. Thank you!
Oy! Heavy stuff my friend. I love your heart and will keep cheering!