1) She sometimes neglects to wipe the snot off of her kids’ noses. What? It’s just coming back. That crusty stuff serves as a barrier diversion for further leakage.
2) She fills up her baby’s bottle at a public water fountain. Sterilization is overrated. I mean that.
3) She sits on her butt at preschool, watching, as her two-year-old pulls a small basketball hoop over on himself. He’s learning about gravity. It’s like a science experiment. When the horrified mom closest to him apologizes for not stopping the crash, she shocks her further by saying, without thinking, “not your fault, I watched it happen, I should have gotten off my butt sooner.”
4) After being up from 1:00 a.m. until 6:00 a.m. Saturday morning with a feverish two-year-old screaming about pain in his ear, she feeds everyone, puts them in front of a movie and showers before heading to urgent care. Because she’s dirty. And ear infections do not constitute a crisis. In fact, anything less than broken bones, copious bleeding or difficulty breathing does not constitute a crisis. She also takes all four of her children to urgent care with her, despite kind offers by friends to keep a few (making her FANTASTICALLY easy to spot at urgent care). WTH, urgent care is the ninth level of hell anyway, what’s a few more whiny children.
5) She catches her four-year-old son licking every single piece of mushroom he just sliced for dinner and throws them in the pot anyway because Oh My Holy Hell she is not going back to the store with all four children.
6) If you see her at Starbucks with only her nine-month-old son, you can identify her because hers is the only baby sitting on the floor gnawing on someone else’s discarded Starbucks cup.
7) She lets her ear-infected, horrifically snotty two-year-old help put the cheese on the top of the pasta bake. I mean, really, his brother already licked every mushroom and the whole family is exposed to his snot smears all over the house anyway.
8) Her nine-month-old’s first solid foods were chocolate chip mint ice cream, rice cereal, bananas, with a spoon from the banana, frosting, frozen blueberries and refried beans. In that order. Her first three children had only one of those things before their first birthdays.
9) She lets aforementioned disgustingly snotty two-year-old play with every single piece of Tupperware in the Tupperware cupboard because how else is she ever going to manage to throw together even the easiest of dinners? And then, after dinner, she puts the leftovers into one of said Tupperware containers without washing it. What’s the point? See above re: licking of mushrooms and snotting on cheese.
10) She does not invite people over for dinner. For obvious reasons.
11) If you spied her through her broad front windows having dinner with her children in her dining room on Easter, the seventh day in a row that her husband worked a ten hour shift, you might see a glass of wine at her place. Can you blame her?
12) If you happen to run into her on a rare and much coveted outing on her own, you will know her by the spring in her step, the frantic way she stops every few minutes as if she’s forgotten something and then remembers and continues on, and the slightly crusty something, we are hoping not snot, on the shoulder of her shirt. Or in her hair.
13) She might, occasionally, let the new puppy sleep on the baby. Because he’s so quiet when he’s sleeping. Not anymore. At eleven weeks, the new puppy officially weighs more than Nate.
Dog is freaking HUGE. Thankfully, for my sanity, baby is still little.
14) She’s deep down, peace in her soul happy. She laughs a lot. She’s too busy to sweat the small stuff. Most days. Unless the small stuff is whining and then she sweats them quite a bit. (Couldn’t resist, fourteen is my favorite number.)
Maybe I should have titled this, “confessions of a mother of four.” Anyone have a good one? It’s quite liberating.
Love how you spread the wealth (of snot)! And Gee licking vegetables, that can't be all bad! So sorry to hear your weekend involved urgent care – again!
Number 10 might be my favorite…and thank you by the way (not that it would be me…but on behalf of someone else- :) ).
I only have three, but wrote this last summer:
http://www.fivewalkers.com/journal/2009/6/20/you-know-youre-a-mom-when.html
Cute post. Snot and all.
I might need to recount my kids…just to make sure I don't have a fourth somewhere. And that last picture can.not.be.Nate. He is waay too big.
This was wonderful, and so true. I only have 2 boys (ages 2 & 4) but I'm right there with you. People get so weirded out when you don't snap to attention when your kid is learning something. It's not like they're about to fall off a cliff. That's how kids learn. And the happiness…oh the happiness. You are so right.
you forgot some:
- She's off-the-scale patient, even though she doesn't know it herself.
- She's the best multi-tasker in the state. She thinks its normal to have four kids dressed, fed and entertained by 10am. So why not write an amazingly hilarious blog post, finish the photo border, clean up after the dog, go grocery shopping with four said dressed kids, cook for family of six and then write another amazing blog post that brings tears to the eyes of several thousand?
- She knows what really matters. She doesn't sweat the small stuff. Snot is small stuff.
- She's the best and only problem solver. Again, she doesn't know it. She's been finding solutions to impossibilities since kid #4 arrived. She thinks that's normal. It's not.
- Her heart is multi-sized. It comes with the territory; there are so many kids, and so many wonders in each of them. Still, wouldn't you want to know the woman with the biggest heart?
- She really is Wonderwoman. She has no idea of this. But a lot of other people do. And best of all, her kids know this. They will grow up, happy and fulfilled and supported, knowing that they were raised by Wonderwoman.
Hannahx
(also raised by a four-kid Wonderwoman)
Love it–and even as just a mother of 2, I am right there with you on the public water fountains!
I, too, would have thrown in the mushrooms–you can count on the heat to kill the crud!!
Glass of wine? Yes, please!!!!
I've just got three, but could have written this post myself! And I nearly DIED at the pictures of the puppy in the baby seat at the end – because we too have an overly-large puppy, who does the very same thing in the VERY same bouncy seat! Too funny!
I never say anything about it to the sterilize-all-pacifiers, cover-all-outlets first-time moms … but I smile to myself thinking how much all that changes when more kids come along. :)
I have 3 and fit very nicely into all of those categories. Also, I think sharing germs is important and applaud you exposing your kids' immune systems to a variety of germs in order to boost them up. (Right? RIIIIGHT?)
The hoop on the kid? No big deal. He'll learn not to do that. And I got buzzed on Easter because all of my kids were cared for by loved ones. THANK GOD
You are now an official member of the "normal" people's club.
You can stop over for your award (a clean shirt and a shot of expresso) when you HAVE THE TIME.
which is never.
Sounds about right to me.
I'd add:
She picks up the grapes (apple slice, hot dog, whatever) from the floor and puts it back on the paper plate to be served for her child's lunch. That is, if the baby hasn't gotten to it first.
Or:
When the baby has dumped out an entire box of cereal onto the floor, she lets the kids eat what they can before sweeping up the rest.
And:
She may or may not have scooped up some of the dumped out cereal with her hands and put in back in the cereal box and returned it to the cabinet.
Heh. Glad it's not just me. But amen. Four kids has gotten me to let go of most of the things that don't matter. It is so freeing.
I "only" have three and yet these things are so true for me, too.
A mom of three doesn't care when her boys decide to go play in the ocean in their Easter outfits. The pics have all been taken, they are happy, and she can SIT on the edge of the water and watch, instead of having to chase them away from the water, over and over.
Oh! You forgot the breast milk stains on the shirt, signaling where the boobs are, and the clips of an unsupportive nursing bra showing at the shoulders, or a bag (not purse, mind you) full of easy-to-get-to snacks instead of lipstick. The most obvious from me is the desire to hold long conersations to any stranger simply be side they are an adult.
Love your list, and that dog is gonna be so huge!!!
I only have 2 kids, but yes, the small stuff is over-rated! Sharing germs builds immunity, but I am sorry you had to spend time in urgent care.
According to what I've read, one of the reasons kids today have so many allergies is because we protect them from so many germs.
So Nater is golden!
WHen the fourth baby starts crying in the other room, I send one of the bigger kids to find out what's wrong instead of getting up and checking myself.
I AM #6!! lol.
And your puppy is gorgeous – what kind?
Amen. Amen. Amen. I have 3, but I'm right there with ya. I may have uttered the phrase, "Yeah…he'll be fine" a few hundred thousand times. Strangers(and my MIL) seem to get really annoyed at some of the things I let slide. Oh, well. You can tell how worried I am about that, too, right?
it's funny how much more relaxed you get as a mom as the number of children multiply.
currently? baby is crying on my lap. cora is eating a sucker (and yes it is before 9) and stella is watching tv.
but i'm leaving now to take care of all of those things. i just needed a little mommy time first.
What a good Mother you are !
I had an aunt once, with 5 small boys and a husband in the Navy, out on a nice quiet and neat ship somewhere in the ocean. We visited her one day and she was on the floor, coloring with the kids. The house was a mess.
My mother ( aka WetBlanket) remarked on the mess… my aunt replied :
One day the children will be grown and gone , the mess will still be here. I will enjoy my children while I can.
(snot and all )
I love this because it's all SO TRUE! :)
i've got nothing I just have 1 so I am still acting like that, well no I shouldn't say that I do let her learn for herself, fall and all that good stuff, I mean thats life, but the used cup on the ground probably not I'm stilla germ a phob when it comes to people, not dirt thats all good!
Yesterday, I came in to the kitchen to find my daughter licking all the jelly beans to discover the best flavor.
As a mom of two, I am in awe of you moms with larger families.
i must have left a child somewhere because it sounds an awful lot like this mother of three.
im impressed you get dinner (with vegetables!) on the table. when my hubby is mia for a few days we resort to waffles on the couch.
Mother of six, here, and I couldn't agree more with most of these points.
Other markers of a mother of many:
–She routinely buys an entire 40 lb case of oranges whenever the price is less than 50 cents/lb.
–When the overgrown puppy bowls over the 4yo, she'll wait to hear what kind of noise ensues, either happy shrieks or shrieks of pain, before deciding to get involved.
–She's perfected making chai at home, simply because she is unwilling to give up her addiction and there is no coffeeshop with a drive-through that isn't an unreasonable distance out of her way.
I will never discount you #11. In fact, you should set 2 glasses down. Why get up to refill?
:-)
Hi, I'm Pamela, and I live just like you. Because, hello, four children.
I love this and I love you.
Harrison's first few foods were ice cream, strawberry's (I know), goldfish off of the floor and possibly a sip of Coke. What?
I have this theory…whatever keeps him quiet, works. Is a pretty good theory if I do say so myself.
My third and your forth, probably the sentiment is the same, because there is such an age space between my second and third.
Yup. I would NEVER judge or worry about a mother with four children. I can barely get around with my ONE!
Listen, I only have two and I could trade the word "glass" for "bottle" in number 11 on most nights of the week!
"urgent care is the ninth level of hell anyway" is about the truest statement I've ever heard!
Honestly, I fall into that category at least 5 times and i've got 1 kid :-) love this post!
I was laughing so hard the whole time! You're so clever and your brutal honesty is beautiful!
You know, I only have one kid, but I thoroughly get this post. Maybe it's because she was born when I was 42…
Hmm…I only have two and I already don't sweat the small stuff.
Germs make kids tough and that's a good thing.
I laughed and knowingly nodded with memories of similiar things.
Awesome! Just LOVED this list. I've been there for quite a bit of this, and I only have 2.
Ah … so you're one of the moms that doesn't wipe the snot from her toddlers nose … Really- I Loved that list!! And I am sooo following you now- hope you can stop by my place when you find the time ;-)
I do most of these things and I only have the one kid. I don't know if I start to worry that I've become disillusioned with this whole parenting schtick so early.
Probably not.I like your list too much.
I do not use this phrase often, but LOL. For real. I actually laughed at my desk OUT LOUD. I see myself in this post and I am a little horrified ;)
I adore this. When I started Tommy on solids at 5.5 months, Shane said, "But… he's not 6 months old!" And I was all, Yeah, second kid, WHATEVER.
First time for this Mom of Four to visit your blog…love this!
How to spot a mother of two: she has that wild-eyed, up-to-here look of frazzledness on her face when they are both demanding things from her in the grocery store — as if she cannot IMAGINE trying to do this with more than two children, since two children alone is far more than enough in the grocery store car carts from hell, thank you very much.
Also, with only two children, she cannot manage to keep her house tidy enough for you to stop over unannounced.
Also, she is (with only two children) too busy to post to her own blog more than once every three weeks.
(How many children extra does she get to count for having a full-time paying job? She figures one. That means a mother of four still has her beat. *sigh*)
Confession — I usually just lurk here, and send a link to my sister-in-law. But today there were just too many items on your post that sounded like you were talking about ME. How did you know???
- Mom of 4, too
Oh my god I am laughing so hard here nodding my head the whole way and toasting an imaginary glass of wine because I don't drink. I kind of wish I did:)
Love the confessions. I have three and relate to most of your list here. My own confessions? I just posted a few of them last week and felt much better after putting it out there. It's nice to feel like I'm owning my shortcuts and mistakes rather than appearing to hide them.
(I want one more baby, and coming by here ain't helping!) ;)
-elizabeth
You know, even a broken bone can wait while you take a shower…
It's amazing how much your priorities shift by baby number four. Sterilization, shmerilization.
I do often wonder why I don't drink more though.
I will probably never be the mother for four, so these tips are good. Can a mother of only two use these tips as well?
I have to ask, though — only one glass of wine? I mean, you don't have to answer….
Look at Babynater! He sure looks happy, so you must be doing everything right.
OK, I've only got 1, but I'm there with you (2 large dogs, though, and 2 adult stepchildren who were teens when I joined their family, so maybe those factors explain it). Except, I have to admit, on #4, where I'd probably just have gone in. I do suspect you of having taken the other 3 with you so you'd get seen more quickly ;) though. We moms of singetons don't have that option, you know …
Eeep. I may have been stressed out just reading all of this. You can tell I'm a first time mom by the way I ask all who's sitting around the table; "Is she choking? Don't let her choke, that piece is too big, we're just not ready for solid food." while the baby has her first cookie. (She was doing fine.) Who knew kids like to lick everything even when they're not teething? Babynator is SO adorable, it's a good thing you live so far away otherwise I might try to hook him up with my 7 month old daughter. Pencil him in for prom and such.
Anyone who is not a mother would read this and think it was fiction. That it is TRUTH to the nth degree would bring many to their knees if they were in your shoes.
Yer awesome.
Perfect. Spot on.
Hope the hubby gets a day off soon and uses it to give you a break.
Brilliant! As a soon-to-be first-time mother, I'm putting this on my bathroom mirror.
My kids are living proof that all that wont kill them. just a question? doesnt cooking the mushrooms and veggies kill all the germs anyway ? so whats the point in washing them yet again??? it just makes more work for mom.. hahaha great post!!
I have to agree with this…and I only have 3. I wouldn't have life any other way though!
omg – that was hilarious. And I love the licking of the mushrooms. Plus the photo of the dog in the bouncy seat. I can't believe you have a puppy. You're really the mom of five.
LOVE this! Oh my holy hell, that dog is so freakin' big!!! And Nate is cuter than ever!
how about this one:
you (insert your choice here; laugh internally, cringe, shake your head) at the new mom who wakes up every few hours to be sure that her baby has not rolled himself over onto his tummy (so she can roll him back to his back) and then takes him to the doctor when he stops sleeping through the night. erg. As a mom of 4, I have patience for the kids, but not for some mommies :)
My sister in law just gave me the link to your blog. We have a lot in common (check out http://www.emptymarblejarmom.com) although it might scare you because I am YOU only a few years down the road! I have 4 kids (had 3 under the age of 2 as well) and can relate to the triple jogger and all forms of snot and tupperware! Now that 3 of mine are teenagers it adds a whole new twist.Keep up the good work.
I can totally relate. If you want to fast forward and see yourself in the future check out http://www.emptymarblejarmom.wordpress.com
I also have 4, (had 3 under 2 at one point..along with that triple jogger!) but now 3 are teenagers…keep up the good work!
Relating…
"Only" 3, but oh so relating…
And Nate couldn't be any cuter. A.Dor.Able!
I'm only a mother of one, and I was sitting here nodding my head with all of those.
Every bottle Ava ever had was made with tap water.
I let her empty drawers and cabinets if it means I get a meal done or the dishes washed.
Her snot/saliva has covered more than one thing I've eaten or touched.
Life is much easier if we're less uptight about the little things.
I love this post and I love what cesthh wrote about you! And crazy as it seems, I miss those snot filled licking days!
I am also the mother of four, ages 4 to 10. Last week #4 spilled #3's Kindergarten Easter Basket and the jellybeans tumbled all over the school yard pavement. I picked them up, handed one to each screaming kid, and tossed the rest back in the basket while the mothers of one watched in horror.
I would look at the mushrooms like this, the heat from that oven will kill whatever is on there from the licking. But, hey, I'm a mom of three with a set of twins in there. So, I feel like I'm right there with ya.
Thank you for being so refreshingly honest. I'm sick of all those "perfect" (and lying) supermommies out there.
Also? Very funny!
:)
It is liberating, isn't it? And with only two, I am with you on the sterilization (hello – I want my immune system active and working!) and the food licking. We're baking it, right? All the germs will be killed in the oven. If it kills salmonella, it'll kill whatever's in the kids' mouths. Ta-da!
love this and I could add to that list, even with being a mother of two but I seem to always have many more with me.
I think the dog counts as #5. IJS. ;-P
Great article. I get what you are saying although my experience was different. Our boys were 7 and 10 when we brought our 1 year old daughter home from China so I did not have the stress of other babies. I think you will find that you will notice differences among your boys as they grow. One might eve keep you up for 4 hours in the middle of the night. It is important to recognize and honer the differences among all our children regardless of whether they are adopted or if we birthed them. My second son is the strong willed one, my daughter happens to be a go wit the flow girl although we are aware of the trauma of her first year.
I know you are probably not into blaming anyone and you did the right thing for your oldest son but agencies and social workers should be the ones with the experience to guide people. Your article is so important because I don't think the agencies are doing enough.
Lisa
I have 4 too and can oh-so-relate with your post!
Catching up on your blog and you have some awesome posts!! You got a puppy?! Are you insane?? just kidding. Been there, done that. ;) Amy
Or, you know you are a mother of four when you run into your friend at the store and she asks where the new baby is and you respond… Yikes! I forgot her at home.
This is one of my favorite posts ever! I only have two (18 months apart), but I totally get this. I have no idea what I will be like when we expand to four or (gasp!) five, but I have a feeling it will be scary!
Is it sad that I identify with ALL of these and I'm only a mother of two? Hell, I identified with them when I was a mother of one. Lazy, maybe? Or just preparing myself for #4. Either way, LOVE it.
i finally thought of one!!!!
"she has to cross her legs when she sneezes so she doesn't wet herself."
not that i would know anything about that. i've just *heard* it's a problem.
ahem.
Love this post – sent it over to my husband who is a stay at home dad to our 1 and a half year old (we also have a 4 year old and want 4 kids altogether…okay, I want that, but anyway…) so you're my inspiration…and we both laughed till we cried…thanks! and Happy Mother's Day!
hey, come on, those mushrooms were going to be cooked! it's not like you put thm in the salad! (I only have 3 (but that is three undr-fours!)
I call my method of parenting "calculated neglect," kind of like enforced evolutionary struggle with supervision.
So true – all of it. I have three boys and I understand completely. Like how if my first dropped his soother I would put it away to wash it proper at home and give him a fresh clean one. The second I just cleaned it wherever I was. By the third I just dusted it off and gave it back to him!
I let my kids explore so freely around the house, yard and play areas that they were so covered in bruises it looked like I beat them…. Nothing less then pouring blood got my attention.
I love it when mothers confess such things. It's good to pass along to other don't believe they have to be perfect or hide thinking that only they do the things they do and that no one could possibly understand. Most of us do! Thank you!