I took all four kids to the grocery store again. Yes, exactly. Nightmare. I don’t think I’ve taken everyone shopping since the infamous stroller-tipping-over-in-Walmart-and-spilling-my-chai-while-endangering-the-lives-of-two-of-my-small children incident. But, you know, I’m a glutton for punishment and also I hadn’t written a blog post in almost a week, so …
Kidding. I took them because I have been trying really hard to add fresher, less processed foods, like, oh, I don’t know, vegetables, to our diet and I read somewhere that if you get kids involved in shopping for and preparing foods they are more likely to try them. I know. All parents should stop reading until their kids are approximately thirty. Also, watching the news. Thinking can be detrimental as well.
For the record, MEAN, ANNOYING, OLD LADY WHOM I AM ABOUT TO MEET AT THE GROCERY STORE, my kids like broccoli (with cheese sauce). In fact, my kids like just about any vegetable (with cheese sauce) and we eat a lot of vegetables (with cheese sauce). I had just gotten into a frozen-peas-filled rut and I was trying to be creative and break out. My bad.
I know that my kids and I are a bit of a scene at the best of times. If a woman with a preschool-worth of toddlers sauntered into my quiet Monday afternoon grocery shopping trip, I’d notice too. They all talk at once. They have no volume control. They periodically throw fits that make you think demon possession might not be a myth. I get why people look at us/notice us/overhear what we are saying. Who could miss us? But, for the one billioneneth seventyten millionth time, you can not, under any circumstances, know what kind of mother a woman is by observing her for two minutes at the grocery store with all of her children.
Come on. That’s like saying we know what kind of person you are by eavesdropping on the second hour of a conversation with your mother. You’re not at your best.
I had assigned them each a vegetable to find at the grocery store. I had written them each a card with their vegetable word and a picture of their vegetable on it. Because I rock the vegetable thing.
Are you following me, MEAN, ANNOYING, OLD LADY WHOM I AM ABOUT TO MEET AT THE GROCERY STORE? Assigned vegetables? Printed cards? It’s like I’m Mother Theresa or the Madonna. Or a mother who feeds her children vegetables (with cheese sauce) and uses grocery shopping as a fun-filled teaching tool.
My kids regularly run through an annoying game wherein they ask me about every food they have ever eaten and whether it is good for their bodies. Bananas are good for our bodies, are bananas good for our bodies, mommy? Bagels are good for our bodies, are bagels good for our bodies, mommy? Lollipops aren’t good for our bodies, treats are just special, they aren’t good for our bodies, mommy? Broccoli is good for our bodies, is broccoli good for our bodies, mommy?
Because, ANNOYING, MEAN LADY, we talk about whether or not the SHIT they eat is good for their bodies. OKAY?
Quinn had broccoli. On his card. Stick with me here. So, we were making our loud, obvious way through produce and Quinn had broccoli on his card and then we got to the broccoli and the broccoli was yucky. Like, black on the top of the little tree things yucky. Because I’m brilliant and because I was somewhat terrified that he was going to throw a massive fit when I didn’t want to buy any yucky broccoli and because I never ever miss a teaching moment, ANNOYING, MEAN, OLD LADY WHO IS NOW WATCHING ME IN THE PRODUCE AISLE, I made a big show of looking at the broccoli.
“Ew,” I exclaimed, “Quinn, look at this broccoli, it’s yucky on top, see how it’s black there, see how it smells funny (I pulled an “it smells funny” face), this is not nice broccoli. We are going to leave this broccoli here and find some nice, green broccoli at another grocery store.”
That’s what I said. I swear it to you.
This is what my children heard: “EW. WAHWAHWAHWAH THIS BROCCOLI WAHWAHWAHWAH IS YUCKY WAHWAHWAHWAH.”
They thought that was the most hilarious thing in the history of broccoli purchasing and they proceeded to repeat it over and over at the top of their lungs as we plodded out of the produce aisle, laughing hilariously after each pronouncement because my kids crack themselves up.
Saige: EW THIS BROCOLLI IS YUCKY.
All: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
Garrett: EW THIS BROCOLLI IS YUCKY BLECH YUCK!!!
All: AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAH
Quinn: EW. BWOCLI IS YUCKY!!! EWWWWWWW!!!
All: AHAHAHAHAHAHHA
I encouraged them a little. It was funny. And, the broccoli was yucky. And, also, excuse me, notice how Quinn was not popping and frying like bacon in a pan, lying on the floor screaming about his “BWOCOLI.” Parenting triumph, MEAN, ANNOYING, OLD LADY WHO IS WATCHING US AND APPARENTLY NEEDS TO TURN HER HEARING AID UP LOUDER SO THAT SHE CAN HEAR ALL OF THE CONVERSATION AROUND HER AND NOT JUST SNIPPETS.
We made our way forward, out of produce and towards cream cheese and as we walked away, the mean, annoying old lady behind us announced to all the people in produce, with a judgmental shake of her blue-tinged hair, “And then they wonder why kids don’t like broccoli.”
Which just goes to show that you should never, ever judge people in grocery stores, because, GAH. Cards. Vegetables. Effort. Four children. Yucky broccoli.
I shall take this away: Even when you think you have the whole picture, you may only be perceiving half the story.
But, this is my blog, and so I get to say this to mean, judgmental, old ladies everywhere: YOU’RE MEAN. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. MY KIDS LIKE BROCCOLI (with cheese sauce.)
Oh – people like to judge… But I think you are a huge success – with your cheese sauce. My kids haven't eaten anything green in at least a year. I can't even hide it in anything since they only eat cheese sandwiches (Dear Jerry Seinfeld's wife, children know when you put pureed sweet potatoes in their grilled cheese – and then they don't eat it – your plan will only work for people who start putting vegetables in kid food before their babies eat anything that ISN'T pureed).
I think your flash cards are brilliant.
She was just jealous because even nice, pretty, green broccoli with pretty pretty flowers makes her fart like a trucker.
Isn't there always those stupid people who have no clue what type of parent you are that have to add their little annoying comments to make you feel insecure, even though you know you aren't a bad parent. At least for me, when it comes to my kids…I over analyze everything people say and take it personal when they insinuate i'm a terrible mom, when I know I'm not. Neither are you…and I love your point that even when you have everything in place and are doing it right, ignorant people have to comment on the tiny snippet they see r hear without actually assessing the situation thoroughly before passing their judgement. So frustrating.
*end rant*
old cranky judgers make me laugh. any observer would have noticed the (SO SMART) cards in your kids hands and gotten it. i would have high-fived you and laughed at your sweet kids. but thats just me :)
one of my goals in life is to never, ever, be the cranky mouthy judger, but also to not judge the old cranky judgers. this is confusing now. loved your post!!
I can't get my kids to eat vegetables (not even with cheese sauce OR the gateway sauce of all vegetables – ranch dressing!), so if I had overheard all this, I would have proceeded to stalk you and your lovely kids all through the grocery store hoping to gather tips on how you have accomplished the impossible and gotten them to eat broccoli (with cheese sauce)!
Well, aren't you just the most clever, teaching, entertaining mom ever! I'm so proud (and slightly jealous).
Me, I'm the mom who isn't interested in teaching shit at the store. I am a woman on a mission and I will run you over if you get in my way. My only goal is to get in and out before they all start fighting.
BTW…good for you with the whole walk away thing. I would have spewed something with the words F-U in there somewhere. Totally inappropriate words directed at an old lady in front of the kids, but it would have been my teaching lesson for the day: How to stick up for yourself! :)
Great post as always. Now I'm going to go help my husband paint before he catches me on the computer!
There is nothing that isn't made better with cheese sauce. Maybe that lady need some so she won't be so cranky.
Okay, I don't have a mini-preschool following me around the grocery store, but I do have three younger kids with me in the grocery store. And that conversation? Overhearing even just the part about the kids laughing and ewwing over broccoli would have made me laugh right along with them. Kudos to you mama with her printed cards of vegetables. *standing ovation*
It sounds to me like a very successful shopping trip. Tantrum avoidance at its best.
To the old lady: get over yourself.
My kids are also obsessed with the healthy food vs unhealthy food. We talk about it ad nauseum around here.
Nice job ~ I thinking I may have been tempted to make a scene to the old hag… another two points for you for waiting and just blogging about it… :-)
I second Kate… the pureed $h!t didn't work for me either… well except for the in bread varieties and then only after I added LOTS of chocolate chips.
Chocolate chips are even better than cheese sauce! Just in case anyone thinks that I was serious…I hardly ever rally to get my kids involved in shopping. This was an anomaly. Which made me even more annoyed.
I've never tried the puree thing. I just pile on the cheese sauce. Me=very, very lazy.
This was hilarious, but in all seriousness, it made me think about perceptions. They are a funny thing. I always try to remember that in most any situation, I'm only seeing a fraction of the whole story.
You = very lazy? NO, no, no. You = very smart! Whatever it takes. Someday they'll like their broccoli plain. Or with butter.
Cheese sauce has calcium!! Calcium is good for their bodies. *shakes head* And that old lady wonders why her grandchildren don't visit her.
It is all about baby steps… Eventually, they might eat vegetables without cheese sauce (though why?). My youngest son was against all things vegetables (unless you count pickles… I didn't) and we had a garden because I read (ack!) that GROWING vegetables got them all interested. Because I MADE him try a vegetable every night, he could swallow pills by the time he was in preschool (he swallowed broccoli and green beans whole). Now he eats most everything.
And why do some old ladies have to be so mean and judge-y? They are probably just bitter.
I think I'd faint dead away if my children ever willingly ate broccoli. Or for that matter cheese sauce.
What a mean, old biddy!
And, my son asks me about EVERY SINGLE FOOD – "Will this make me big and strong?" Which is cute for someone who's never heard it. Not so cute when you've answered the question for the 500th time that day.
1. Karma baby.
2. Extra points for you – because I'd have had to fight REALLY HARD not to turn around and say somthin' back. (Snappy, witty, unncessary, regret later – you know the drill)
So funny. See? No good parenting effort goes unpunished. lol.
Kids can definitely love vegetables. Mine do. No cheese sauce, although they love them sauteed in olive oil and garlic and topped with kosher salt. Or, mixed with melted butter and kosher salt. Julianna's also fond of broccoli dipped in ranch.
It's a great reminder not to be so judgmental, isn't it? You are completely right that you can't tell what kind of a mother someone is from a two minute glimpse at the grocery store…or from a single blog post.
As an aside, why do stores keep produce on the shelves that is in such bad condition? I hate that.
so funny. i can't stop laughing. but not AT you … it's just … this sounds exactly like what i go through at the store. and my kids favorite joke from an ookee dokee brothers band album?
what's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
kids don't eat broccoli.
which my kids follow up with … "but i yike bwoccowi right mom?"
I. Love. This. Post. (and cheese sauce)
I don't have kids, but I do have a problem where I cannot. let. shit. go. I would have gone up to her and said, "Did you SEE the broccoli? It's yucky!". I meeeean, not rudely or anything but I'm too dang stubborn to just let some snotty crap like that slide.
So spot on. I find that when I take my 3 to the store people look at me as if I am trotting naked through the store with tp fluttering from my backside. They are kids. In a place to purchase food. Back off mean old ladies, damn!
The only way I can get my 5 year old to drink milk is to turn it into a race and then encouraging burping. And butt talk. (Shrugs)
My kids will only eat MY broccoli. I can only buy one type (frozen baby broccoli florets in a blue bag) and I can only cook it one way (8 minutes in the microwave steamer with 1/4 c. water and a veggie bullion cube.)
Place anything else in front of them and it is a complete meltdown. So no one will ever see them eat broccoli. It only happens in my house. Of course this means no one believes me when I say they love broccoli.
Go away judgey mc judgy old woman. If the cheese sauce works then drown those suckers.
I tried to share this with my husband and work blocked your blog for adult/sexually explicit content!
Not for nothing, but if I saw you in the grocery store I would bow to you. That is a huge effort. Screw that lady, I loved this post.
Which is not a complaint, just thought it was funny.
My child has eaten very little else but Campbells Chicken and Stars soup for the better part of a month. I'm counting every little carrot bit as an accomplishment.
Flash cards *and* broccoli? Dude, you are Mother Theresa. Maybe even Angelina Jolie!
Sounds like good clean wholesome fun to me, but for the smelly poo-foo broccoli. As for the MEAN, ANNOYING, OLD LADY, a Walmart door-greeter reject no doubt.
When I had my first child 10 years ago, I QUICKLY discovered that elderly people fall into 2 very distinct categories…..There are the adorable, helpful, sweet Grandma/Grandpa kind who seem to remember how hard it can be at times. They might hold the door for me to push my stroller through or make silly faces at my angry toddler or coo over how cute my new baby is.
And then there are the ones who clearly feel they have paid. their. dues. They look down their noses if a child happens to wander into their personal space. They refuse to hold a door. When my kid sings the ABC's (perhaps a little too loud), they shoot her a withering look that says, "Would you just shut up already?"
Oh those judgemental asses of the world…sorry you don't run into an equal number of people like me, who are delighted by gaggles of chattering littles.
My son talks to EVERYONE in the grocery store. Which means that at least one person gives me a dirty look every time we go, prompting him to ask loudly "Why does that lady/man have a mean look at me, Mom?". Serves you right, crabby asshole who's offended by 4yo friendliness.
I hope the judgey old lady gets botulism from the rotting broccoli (or whatever food borne parasite grows on broccoli).
Food cards? You are brilliant. And awesome.
Cheese sauce makes EVERYTHING better!!!
You are doing great teaching the kids, all 100, er I mean 4 of them, that veggies are good. I wish my parents would have conveyed that message more when I was younger. Now I'm just a 30 something who hates vegetables. :)
To mean old grocery store hag – mind your own business and stop judging my friend and her many AWESOME kids.
Ha Kuddos to you just for being brave enough to take them all out on your own. I had the car yesterday, could have made a jailbrake and decided that home was just where I wanted to stay with my three under three. Just gotta love old ladies, they are so much fun! hahahaha I love broccoli(with cheese sauce)too!
I have one of those alien children who actually LIKES vegetables. She pops lima beans like they're candy, straight out of the can. And broccoli? Dude, she throws a fit if there isn't fresh broccoli for her to throw in the cart. If you need to borrow her to throw the broccoli at the lady, just say the word.
bitch. i mean the old lady, of course.
I think you handled the situation perfectly….also maybe instead of turning up her hearing aide maybe she should have cleaned her glasses to see the yucky broccoli.
xoxo you rock!
I tell you it doens't matter what you write it is so entertaining! thanks for a laugh in the morning.
Long time reader, first time comment.
My youngest kids are 6, 4, 3, 2, 21 months. I recently took them all to target, by myself, for the first time ever. I don't like to think about it, but thank you for helping me find the funny.
BTW, something you may appreciate, a woman came up to me when the babies were younger (they're 4 mons apart) and I was shopping and had the gall to ask me if I knew about a thing called birth control. Never mind that I didn't actually give birth to all my children, but really? Just wondering if this has ever happened to you.
Wretched, wretched woman! I'm not typically a confronter, but I think the kids and I would have surrounded her and explained (in painful length and detail) the vegetable-scavenger-hunt concept.
Broccoli is my youngest's favorite food. But before you ban me for showing off, the only vege the other two will eat is raw carrots. As a result, they get raw carrots for dinner every night. I used to pile it on until one midwinters day I looked at them and wondered how they got such a tan… they had both turned orange.
Anyhow, ladies like that in grocery stores? I tap them on the nose with their own walking sticks. In my dreams, ten hours later. When I have finally had a chance to calm down. ;-)
Wow, Caryn. I can't believe someone said that to you. Okay, yes I can.
My two nieces are adopted from another part of the world. My sister was in line with them in a grocery story one day when someone said "don't you think there's enough of them in their own country that you have to bring them to ours?"
My sister stared the person straight in the eyes and said "What a rude thing to say." The person left all their groceries on the counter and left the store.
Don't let them get away with it. Be polite, and firm. That's my sisters' motto.
And congratulations on your lovely big family!
You are the awesome. Kudos for not reaching into your shopping cart and lobbing a loaf of bread at that smarmy old woman. I only hope my kids can have that much fun shopping for vegetables one day.
It's old women like that that make songs like "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" a joy to sing.
No matter how hard you try, people will still misperceive (is that even a word?) and judge till the cows come home. Because they are SOOOOOO much better than you. And because they rule the world and this universe revolves around them and it was built especially for them and you aren't abiding by their royal rules shame on you.
Since they live on a different planet, then all you can do, of course, is ignore them. The fact that you care one teensy weensy iota about mean old ladies saying mean old things means you are doing more than your share of conscientious parenting.
Nobody gives anybody the benefit of the doubt anymore. Stupid humans.
DUDE. I think you should just stop going to the grocery store. Ever. ;)
On the other side of this? When we go out to eat, my girls tend to order broccoli, because they both adore it. And i swear to you 9 times out of 10 the waitress will make a huge FREAKING DEAL out of the children who OMG are ordering BROCCOLI!!! Like they've never seen it before. It gets old.
Yes, because feeding them black & rotting vegetables makes them MUCH more likely to eat them later on.
cheese sauce is how we survive. brilliant idea putting vegetables in it. ;-)
Hysterical! Thanks for the laugh!
You are Mother Theresa and Madonna all rolled into one.
Oops, my bad. (JUST kidding.) Yeah… those snippets can be killers, but I can tell you didn't have your chai with you. That might have helped, no? And the wee ones? Won't TOUCH cheese sauce. And sadly, Little Miss is off broccoli (but onto celery, oddly), and Mister Man was never on it. Bummer.
And the mom in the second hour? A-MEN!
This made me laugh.
Some years ago, my mom, who is not a MEAN ANNOYING OLD LADY (quite the contrary), but who may have the same eyesight as that lady, served me a dinner involving rice. With tiny bugs in it. I pointed the bugs out to her and she examined them closely (no joke) and insisted that, no, it was just brown rice and I was mistaking the hulls for bugs. You know, hulls with legs. I refused to eat the rice; she ate the rice (hey, the bugs had been well cooked — brown rice takes a while). Maybe the MEAN ANNOYING OLD LADY in the grocery store needed glasses (better than my mother's) as well as a hearing aid? I'm just sayin'.
Um, kids don't like broccoli because broccoli isn't very tasty. End of story. Even with cheese sauce!
That said, I am a grown-up and I now like broccoli. Whew.
You should be rewarded just for taking 4 kids shopping, for the veggie cards you should be sainted.
and hey, cheese sauce = extra calcium and peas are a fabulous food–lots of fiber and protein… no shame in any of that.
Dude–assigned vegetables with cards? You're way ahead of me, and I only had three kids to cart with me to the store. (And yes, we were loud, and constantly in 'the teaching moment' and perpetually judged by other people whose children–if they had some–surely wouldn't behave that way in public.) Why is it, I wonder, that those who think they know everything don't know that they shouldn't judge someone's life in a two minute snapshot in time?
By the way, my kids are older now. I just have the sixteen year old stay home with the littles, and I go grocery shopping with my hubby. People still make their judgments, but I just don't care: )
You didn't go rub her nose in the black-mold-encrusted broccoli and tell her "no, THIS is why my kids don't like broccoli right now."?
Then, as you walk away, your kids, in unison, look over their shoulders at the mean old bag and way "You've just been served!"
An excellent point of how we never know the full story. And yes, you are a great mom. I can't imagine being that organized and thoughtful when I was dragging my four through the store. They mostly ate junk to stay quiet:)
So my kids totally won't eat veggies – unless they are part of tomato sauce.
And I would still like the mean old women to mind their business.
Because I'm doing the best I freaking can – as I'm sure just about every mother in the world is.
I'm impressed! Individual vegetables with cards! Wow. My pathetic goal is to get in and get out if I have small people in tow, and hopefully not lose anyone along the way!
I hate when people feel the need to interfere. One time, my daughter was having a HUGE tantrum in the middle of Target. Some random woman came over and tried to console her. It was the most irritating thing EVER. Mind your own business strangers!
Oh brother. I think you're right. It must be a hearing aid issue.
Almost anything with cheese sauce rocks.
You are too funny! I can't even get my five kids to eat the cheese sauce never mind vegetables. Does ketchup count??
ooh I like the "vegetable scavenger hunt" idea, that's a good one. Screw the old lady! Check out my solution to the picky eating problem… http://www.my-meals.net
My kids are 22,21,18 and 16 and still won't eat vegetables. When they were little the shopping thing was so difficult. One time I got my two year old out of his car seat and into the shopping cart, then pushed the cart to the other side of the car to get my daughter out of her seat but the car door stuck and I couldn't open it ( did I mention it was pouring rain?) I panicked and left my son to run to the other side of the car and unlatched the door from the inside, then ran back around to put my daughter into the cart,I started towards the store when I noticed a young couple watching me. AS I passed them the man started telling me off, saying I was horrible for leaving my son in the cart to run around to open the door. He said next time someone might call CPS.This concerned couple never offered to lend a hand. But the point here is that I still, twenty years later, have dreams about that incident, that is how deeply we are hurt but the two minute judgments of our parenting. Plus when we were in line to pay my daughter wet her pants and the woman in front of me said ewww and the clerk handed me a roll of paper towels. No "clean up at isle 4" for me.
Wait, but maybe she was complaining about the grocery store? Along the lines of "most grocery store produce is terrible, so no wonder kids don't like it." Maybe she was on your side! Maybe she went straight to the manager's desk and was all SEE HERE YOUNG MAN, THOSE FOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO GET RICKETS BECAUSE OF YOUR NEGLECTFUL PRODUCE STOCKING!!
One can hope.