I breastfed Garrett exclusively for a year. Determinedly. Doggedly. From my mom-of-four perspective, a bit over-the-top obsessively. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it. I did. Breastfeeding is easy for me. Once the little blisters on my nipples harden into callouses (I do know how much you love these little nuggets of TMI), and I can stop Bradley method breathing through the latch on, it’s all good. Simple. Healthy. Snuggly and fun.
I know it’s not always that easy. I’ve seen friends struggle with low supply and difficult latch. I’ll just tell you straight up, I have National Geographic boobs. Small, with enormously long nipples. My nursing nipples can nip through four layers. Nothing stops them. On the bright side, only a baby absolutely determined not to nurse could miss those suckers (aha). They look exactly like the nipples that come with Gerber bottles. I kid you not. I would take a picture, but you know, I don’t need that kind of traffic.
With Garrett, I fell hook line and sinker, weighted down by all my first-time mom insecurities, for the whole, formula is evil it shall not pass thy baby’s lips line. I struggled a little. Not with nursing so much as with the time and space restrictions. I couldn’t go anywhere without the baby. I hated pumping. (I still hate pumping, I’d rather tote the baby everywhere.) I worked for six months and I would skip lunch to dash to his nanny’s house and feed him so that I didn’t have pump.
I don’t want to paint nursing as a negative experience. I adore it. I love the ease of it. The deep, physical attachment with my child. I love the portability, the lack of mess, the lack of need for sterile bottles or accouterments of any sort. I love the noises they make, the little sucking sounds, the nuzzling and routing. I love a milk-drunk baby, out cold in my arms with the little-old-man-contented face on. As they grow, I love the smiles. I love the way an alert, four-month-old baby pauses to survey the room and then snuggles back in, smiling up at me, his little tongue already curled into a tube, ready for his next sip.
My favorite and sharpest memories of Garrett’s infancy are lying beside him, pressed together like lovers for his early morning nurse. I can hear him gulping milk greedily after six hours of sleep. I can almost feel the pleasurable sensation of the release in pressure, the lessening of the ache as he drinks. I remember the equatorial sun, never failing to make its appearance over the cliff line outside our bedroom window at six in the morning. It hit the foot of the bed and then the light sheet and then my legs and finally his face where I stroked it gently as he drank. That might be the most content I have ever been, with no where else to be, nothing more important to do, no other children I was ignoring, Matt happy to watch us and doze in the heat.
It’s restrictive, though. The lack of freedom wore on me. At exactly a year, I poured cow’s milk into a sippy cup and said, here you go kid, that whole boobie thing, it’s over. I didn’t mourn it. We were heading to Haiti and our family was about to grow. I felt satisfied that we’d both gotten what we needed from the experience.
I nursed Quinn until he was eight-months-old not even close to exclusively. I still hated pumping and I couldn’t imagine, with two other kids under two, not having some freedom to escape, some time that was my own. We bought formula. It felt almost laughable that I’d refused to buy any before then. I nursed him primarily, but when it was inconvenient or I needed a break or I had plans I could just…leave. It was good. I was a more confident mother and with confidence came the ability to think for myself. There are as many ways to feed a baby as to skin that poor proverbial cat and if the baby was happy, well hallelujah, pour me another glass of wine because he should sleep for five hours.
I didn’t mourn the end with Quinn either. I went to my sister’s bachlorette party. I tried to pump, it didn’t really work, he didn’t really care…and done. We wanted another baby and so I wasn’t all that sad about jump starting my ovulation.
I thought I would want to hold onto this phase with Nate until the bitter end. He takes formula, don’t misunderstand me, I’ll never unring that little bell of occasional freedom, but I thought I’d want to nurse him for as long as he wanted to nurse. Until we looked into each other’s eyes and both thought, wow weird, alrighty then.
I don’t. I both adore it and I’m tired of it. I sit here typing this with one hand and I cherish his solid weight in my other arm, his little llama lips on my nipple, at the same time I think in the back of my mind, how much longer? Is six months long enough? He takes a bottle, he had formula at three-weeks-old when I shoved him at my long-suffering mother and jetted to Chicago for the weekend. I have a girls’ weekend planned in two months and I don’t want to pump. I don’t own a pump. I’ve been playing with the idea of weaning him before then. He’ll have started solids. He’ll be able to hold a bottle in his chubby little hand. It would work.
Yes, my motives are purely selfish. Have I mentioned that I hate pumping? My reservations are purely selfish as well. Will I regret it? Will I look back and wish I had nursed him as long as possible? That I’d held onto this fleeting baby phase as long as possible? Or am I, four kids and five years later, just a realist? Nursing will end. We will reach the end of his babyhood and step off into toddlerdom whether I watch it slip through my tightly clasped hands or I give it a pat on the bottom on my way to catch a plane.
I don’t have a neat wrap up for this one. I don’t have a neat wrap up for five years straight of pregnancy and babies and nursing either. I have so much. I am not complaining. I guess, this time around, whether I choose it or not, whether I’m ready or not, whether I’m a little tired of it or not, I do have to mourn.
E&E Tally: 12642 words
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Ahhh, such a hot topic…breast feeding vs bottle feeding. And you took it on in the middle of writing your first novel. You are brave.
I've given birth to five babies. I have huge ass boobs and I sucked at breast feeding. The first child made 2 weeks and I was so infected it was over. The second made three weeks. I was a wuss about the pain. I made four with the third. I went to work when she was three weeks old and one week of pumping was enough. I made four with the fourth…who incidently I was starving to death and as soon as I gave her a bottle she thrived. I don't even remember how long it was with the fifth (is that bad or what), but I'm sure it was under a month.
I wanted that snuggle. That comfort. The ease. The closeness. The verification of being a "real mom", but in the end it just sucked. It hurt REALLY BAD and it was a pain in the ass.
Bottles are easy. And I never ever sterlized a damn thing. Maybe I brushed it on my shirt sleeve. And my kids (17-3) have hardly ever been sick. Germs are good.
Good luck. I really hope you don't mourn. At least you weren't a breast-feeding failure like some of us.
Oh, and have I mentioned lately how much I really like you. I love that you are "forced" to blog every day. It's been my highlight lately.
I usually hate November…the dark when you get to work/dark when you get home, cold, rain. I LOVE this November! You write so very well and are so darn smart. Getting to read you everyday is wonderful. Thank you for writing every day and for sharing your life with us.
Man. A full paragraph of descriptive nipple talk, and no picture to back it up… your male readers will mourn.
We (I say "we" but mean "wife") nursed Tyler for about 15 months. I always said I'd be happy with 12 months. It wasn't exclusive after 6 months, but he still took the boob in mornings and evenings. After 12 months, wife had trouble being done. She was sad at loosing that precious time. So, she kept nursing. Tyler, on the other hand, started becoming bored with the whole thing. There was too much of the world to see, and sucking on a boob was interfering (remind me, I need to correct this line of thinking when he gets older).
I nursed my girls for about 7 and 8 months respectively. Nursing wasn't easy for me; both my daughters were fussy eaters (still are) and because of latch issues I could never nurse anywhere but in my chair with my boppy. It made NIP impossible, and since I was shy about it anyway, I never tried very hard. We stuck with it until they could sleep through the night because frankly nursing is so much easier than fetching a bottle at 2 in the morning.
At the time, making it past 6 months seemed like an eternity. In retrospect, I wish I had just snuggled into the idea of it and gone longer. But then again, I am sure that I don't properly remember just how difficult it was (and of course how GUILTY I would have felt for not loving the experience more).
Right in the loooong process of trying to wean, I can totally sympathize. My first son was nursed until he was 9 months, when I was 3 months pregnant with the next baby and the doctor suggested I stop. We both cried and cried (him because he LOVED it, me because he refused to take anything else…I felt like he was starving when I refused him the boob)My daughter was nursed for 7 months, at which point I stopped because I was becoming claustrophobic with the whole pregnancy weaning thing after doing either one for 2 years straight. I wanted to be able to exercise and diet and anytime I did that, my milk supply dwindled. The 3rd baby was nursed until a year because it was SO convenient, but when we started trying to wean, he REFUSED. I was pregnant yet again and when I was 4 months pregnant, the doctor told me I NEEDED to give up the nursing. He was 14 months and bucked that plan. Baby #4…is going on 15 months and we are having a tough time with weaning. He can go all day (and I even went a weekend and forgot my pump which really really hurt) without nursing, but at night I just want to sleep. He wakes up wanting to nurse and I give in because I would rather sleep than deal with his crying. So I'm hoping soon my milk supply will just dry up and/or he will lose interest. I will tell you the older they are, the harder it is. Once it gets past the part where they just want food and onto the part where they want your attention or it's a comfort thing…they just buck the system! My 7 month old was totally fine with formula, by 9 months my son refused anything but the breast…so I'm guessing somewhere between 7 and 9 months is when they become all attached to the boob and not just to food. Good luck…fingers crossed my child isn't still nursing when he's 16 :)
I got over any qualms with formula and bottle feeding when I saw a photo of my mother smoking a cigarette while she was eight months pregnant. I turned out just fine {mostly}. A little science-milk mixed in with the nature kind isn't going to hurt anyone. And boy does that glass of guiltless wine taste delicious…
I exclusively breastfed all three of mine(even tandem nursing two of them b/c my kids were that close in age). It was HARD. I actually have a post that I've been working on about how draining(LOL) bf can be. It was easy for me, too, but hard in the way that you don't ever get a break…and not to mention how freaking painful it is that first week or two.
But, I'm weird in the way that even though I bf, I could care less about what another mom chooses to do with her boobies. Your boobies, your bidniz, I say.
Oh, and I did the freaking dance of joy when my youngest weaned! I had been continuously pregnant or breastfeeding or BOTH for 5.5 years by that point, so I was excited to have my body to myself!!!!!!
I'm with Gayle & Sheila – however shall we be weaned in December? You're not going to drop us cold turkey are you?? Can't you do 50,000 words every month??
No pressure, no nursing guilt…just panic on our end :)
I love nursing but yeah, hate pumping! Five kids sounds insanely busy and am sooo impressed by you. One reason I love bfing is you get a break, a time out. No matter what is going on, mommy and baby get a break. That is MY selfish reason I guess!
I hate that moms feel we should do one thing or the other, I mean, WE are the moms, why is someone else making us feel bad, no matter what decisions we make. My kiddo is 18mos and still on the booby, so I'm sure moms will (if not already) whisper about me behind my back.
My friend stop bfing because she was sick of planning her wardrobe around it. Selfish? Maybe but if that makes her a happier mommy, DO IT and I fully support!
Did you crawl into my brain and write a post again??? These are all my thoughts exactly….Loved the nursing at some points. Hated the nursing at some points. Despised the pumping at all points. I'm still a bit sad that it's over….then again, I'm still sad that I'll never be pregnant again and that I'll never hold my infant again and etc..
Motherhood is all about celebrating the milestones while mourning the passage of time. It's a tough position to be in.
Do what makes you happy. A happy momma equals a good momma. If you're uncomfortable with or tired of nursing, you'll become resentful and frustrated….and that's good for no one.
I feel ya! My first I started supplementing at around 2 mos or so because of colic, I thought that giving him a little formula that was for colic might help…then I went to work when he was around 6mos and the pumping was awful and my supply decreased…but I continued middle of the night feedings until he was almost a year. Baby #2 for some reason I just never supplemented her, and that was a mistake because when I couldn't nurse because of medication -she would NOT take a bottle at all. Which reminds me I should really start trying to give this one some bottles! ;)
I'm only five months in with my first, but we've made it this far (and according to the statistics that really is an acheivement… though I'm not sure about that, since after about month two it really is the easiest thing in the world). Someone mentioned the wardrobe… I do miss dresses and any excuse NOT to wear a nursing bra is amazingly appreciated. I also hate sterilizing things, but I do pump (I'm still in grad school). Like another commenter, I've stopped sterilizing, though, just give it all a good wash under hot water. What's good enough for our dishes should be good enough for baby. I'm not sure how to answer any of your questions because I'm still looking forward to more kiddies. But in the world of one baby (where the thought of any more kids is enough to send me to guilt-stricken love for this one), I'm already saddened by the impending end. I hope to nurse for a year, but we start solids soon, and it's only a matter of time.
I nursed the girls forever (20 months and 22 months, and they only weaned because I was pregnant) but i still have fantasies about formula feeding this one. Then again, I also have fantasies about having six kids and not being totally and completely insane, so reality doesn't really play a part in my daydreaming. I will breastfeed this kiddo, but I am also going to be gentler with myself, and forgive myself now for 'failing' at all those expectations I set up for myself four years ago. I need a button: "Lowering my standards for the sake on my sanity, ASK ME HOW".
i've been working on a post about bf-ing for awhile. this reminds me to finish it.
You nicely captured the joys of nursing here. There are those – and there are also the not so much fun times. I nursed both my kids, but when I had to go back to work at the three month mark, I was done.
I've always felt, if you can do it and it works for you – wonderful. If you can't (and I've known some women who tried desperatelyand made themselves crazy) let it go and give both yourself and your baby some peace.
I just want to add – as if any of you need any affirmation from me, but still – that NO mother that cares for her baby and nurtures her baby with love is a failure, no matter what that looks like.
Birthing babies and feeding babies and raising babies is HARD. There's no absolute right thing that works for every one. We are all the perfect mothers for our kids – who could love them more?
I not so shyly admit that I never breast fed any of my kids… and have zero guilt over it. Ok… I tried it with my first, but she didn't latch, I didn't enjoy it at all, and after 2 weeks we were both done. Left the hospital formula feeding #2 and #3.
I honestly don't feel that I"m missing anything by not breast feeding, rather I gain a tad bit of freedom with the ability to let others help me feed my now 6 month old (wow, can't believe he's already that old…).
Either way – breast or bottle – just watching these little people grow so fast, change from babies to toddlers is a mourning period in and of itself. Bye bye baby … hello baby-proofing!
This rings such a bell with me! I've been nursing since Feb 2006, through two pregnancies, and sometimes two kids at once. I nursed my first and second until they were two yrs old. Now, nursing my third, I can't WAIT until he will be done….it is such a loss of freedom, freedom that I desperately need to gain back. But how long is long enough? That is the question….
Thank you for this post!
I pink puffy heart this post. The way you describe the feeling lying in bed nursing a baby – perfection. And the bittersweet -Cry Freedom! but wait — no more nursing, ever? – yes. That's me. I still miss it sometimes and my last baby is about to turn 3.
Such a beautiful post.
I nursed each of my girls until they were 2 1/2 yrs old or so. Breastfed #1 through pregnancy with #2, and even tandem nursed them for a few months.
Yeah, I'm crunchy-granola like that.
I found that I didn't mourn the end of it at the time (I was sooo ready to be done) but there are times, now, when I feel sad that I will never nurse another baby again.
We each need to find our own way when it comes to nursing….how we will do it, and for how long. And each child we have is different, too. I guess that's one of the beautiful things about life, isn't it? :)
Loved reading this…..
It brought back so many sweet memories for me….because my experience only lasted 3.5 months.
I think you have to do what's right for you. But you are right, this is your last baby, the last one you will nurse. It may be a little sad in the end, but you do have lovely memories. I love the way you describe nursing them. Love it.
You know what I love about you? Well, yes, EVERYTHING, but I love that I get you. I may not be a mom but when I read your writing about kids and nipples and all that other TMI information I get it. I understand where you're coming from. I hope to be a mom some day, and I hope that I'm as loving and comforting and awesome as you!!!!
Keep up the great writing, and I'll totally declare December National Blog Everyday Month if I have to.
Love ya, friend! XOXO
I'm all about doing what works for you. I couldn't agree more with your comment that mothering comes in all shapes and forms. What works for one mother, one child will not necessarily work for another. With my twins, I made it two months breast feeding. With my third, I made it 13 months. Neither was necessarily my choice, but it was what worked at the time. So glad you are writing every day. I have really enjoyed it! Thank you.
I found your blog on a site called "bloggers choice awards". Your writing is wonderfully tender, endearing, and humorous. You should be writing books.
My children are now grown – ages 22 and 20 – but the parenting, the hugs, and the love continue.
I'm a musician and songwriter; I just released my first music video, for a song I wrote titled "I Love My Children". It's on YouTube at the following address:
http://www.youtube.com/user/boblyonsmusic
I hope you enjoy it.
You have a gift for writing.
Peace,
Bob Lyons
Wow what a graphic description of your nipples, I don't think I could have described mine with such detailed information.
I breastfed full time till 7 months both of mine then went part time for the rest of the year. I didn't feel guilty at all, there is way to much pressure on mums, when really it should be about doing the best you can.
PUMPING is the worst thing EVER! I hated pumping which is the reason I finally cracked with the breast feeding.
I did like the closeness of the baby nursing, and the convenience of having food available at all times, but that still doesn't beat being able to go out on my own and know that my child is going to get fed and not starve to death at home with dad and the bottle of formula.
I've not a single drop of advice for you, not sure that you even want it if I had it. Just wanted to send a little love.
I'm struggling quite a bit with nursing my baby right now, although we have made some progress in the last 2 days.
Honestly, I never thought I would fight this hard for it but for some reason I am. Although I have to say that I don't mind pumping and letting someone else feed her either! : )
This post made me feel better about the whole situation. Thanks for that.
I tried and tried to nurse my little guy. He wouldn't take to the boob since he was in NICU at birth and was feed a bottle almost immediately. We did everything. Nursing aids, classes. It all just ended up with the both of us frustrated and crying. I even tried pumping and feeding. I hated it. I felt tied to this thing that was killing me so much and not providing me at least the reward of bonding with my son. I ended up throwing in the towel after two weeks. I definitely felt guilty, but I had to do what was going to make us both happy. The only thing I wonder is if I missed out on true bonding time with him.
I have 2 kids and nursed with my first for roughly 6 months. The solids did us in. I didn't know that you were supposed to nurse first and feed second, so Emily wasn't all that interested in nursing after a big ole bowl of cereal and funny, my supply suffered. It didn't break my heart much, though I did get a little bummed about 6 months of formula bills.
With my second, I nursed for about 10 months until I'd had it. I was tired of nursing, tired of being constantly on call, tired of getting up in the middle of the night, tired of the constant wearing of a bra, I had a trip (sans children) coming up… It was time. My husband (and here comes my point) suggested, on the night that we were pretty sure would be my last nursing session, that I be especially present. That I pay attention to every thing about nursing Lucy for one last time. How it felt to hold her, the feeling of my milk letting down, her little body snuggled against me, her hand curled in mine, all the little things that I knew I would miss. And so I did. And we weaned and life has gone on. I don't miss nursing in the slightest (especially now that she's nearly 2.5 and OH! the teeth!) and I think a lot of my lack of regret over weaning is due to the careful attention I paid during that last time.
The decision to wean is entirely your own, but if you do, pay attention when you know the last time is the last time. I think it really helped.
I love you. I love that you put yourself out there like this, with no apology.
Do what you need to, my friend. No, do what you want too. Nate is fine. Perfect even. If in two months, you decide after a trip, hey okay, lets do this some more, then great. If you don't, he will be okay.
For the record, all of mine were formula fed and I don't regret it.
I have to agree that this is totally the highlight of my month because I get to read you every day. I'm an English teacher, by the way, and picky by profession of what I read.
I love the way you write. I love the style, the unassuming elegance and eloquence of honesty. You are simply one of my favorite writers.
I nursed my son until he got bored at 14 months. He had been slowly weaning himself anyway, and I let him lead the pace.
I had several problems of my own with yeast, etc, but I am a stubborn, stubborn woman and kept at it. To me, pumping was a connection to my baby while at work. It was kind of a pain, and part of me is kind of dreading finding locations, time, etc, but it wasn't hard after I settled into a routine with a solid, expensive pump. I went with the high grade pump and it made a lot of difference.
Also, my son tended to give himself only enough to not starve himself during the day and then eventually preferred to wait for me and so I ended up reverse cycle feeding him, giving him most of the marathon feedings when I got home. It definitely made getting dinner done interesting, but it was a treasured time for a type A personality like me and it was nice to be forced to slow down.
It turns out that it was a good thing that I nursed because he has several allergies, milk and egg being one of them and he is also sensitive to soy, so he would not have been able to take formula even if I had wanted to go that route.
I had a lot of support and even in the D.C area, there is a Breastfeeding Center that had free classes where you could go and bring your baby and a lactation consultant and a bunch of other struggling mommies could share with you. It saved my life.
I don't think you can ever judge a mother's decision on breast feeding or when or how long. It's just too personal a choice to enter into an outside perspective, even if you've done it before.
It was so hard when I first nursed. Absolutely awful but I love it soooo much now. However I only have one daughter. How I might feel after I have a few more, who knows?
PS Is that the reason my nipples show through a bra, camisole and shirt? I had no idea.
nursing was a challenge for me, I couldn't get the hang of latching, I had mastitis 3 times, I sucked it up and did it, not because I was gung-ho for breast feeding though.
I stuck with it but because my mom was pushing for a formula fed baby, she wanted me to give it up, and that got my back up, got me to stick to it.
I wouldn't have done it any other way, not just for all the bonding stuff, which was wonderful; but for the stink free poops. Yup the stink free poopy diapers are the one thing I praise about breast feeding to anyone who asks. Not once did I have to control the gag reflex when changing a poopy diaper and she had plenty.
The peanut had her last drink from me a month before her second birthday, she was trying to incorporate a yoga session with the one feeding I had kept for her after her 1st birthday. There is nothing quite like trying to nurse a toddler who is trying to go into downward dog mid drink.
I fed her she took off running and I sat on the couch and balled my eyes out. the saving moment was her asking me if I had and hurt and offering to kiss it better. That was how I mourned the loss of that period in her life. The thing about those quiet feeding times is that they get replaced by other special moments. You're doing what works best for you and your family the bond is already there.
Yay! Open comments!
I like to nurse until it's not expensive anymore. Ha ha. What I mean is, the baby's liquid diet is like the bell curve… small at first, then growing, peaking at around 6-8 months, then it falls off as the baby eats more solids and requires less milk. So, I nursed mine until about 9 months. I was ready and they didn't need as much milk by then. So, formula it was. I hate pumping too. I never understood people who voluntarily used double-electric breast pumps if they didn't have to. THAT is painful just to think about.
This resonated with me- my 3rd child turns 6m today and we are weaning…actually, I never made as much milk with this one as I did with my other 2 so I have been supplementing for the past 4 months. I think we are both ready BUT, I will miss the bonding I had with him. Especially knowing this is my last, I will miss this.
~Becca
I have such an appreciation for people being candid about breast-feeding.
I breastfed N to 6 weeks. He had really severe reflux and it was impossible for me to keep up. He would nurse voraciously, vomit it all an hour later, and immediately want to nurse voraciously again. My body just couldn't do it. I felt guilty for three years.
When the twins were born prematurely I was desperate to give them everything I could. I either nursed or pumped every hour and a half–around the clock–so I could feed one and have milk to take to the other for his feeding tube.
I breastfed the twins for five months, loving most moments of it. Somehow in those five months I accepted my own limitations, both physically and emotionally. I accepted what I could give them, and what trying to give them the things I knew I couldn't was taking from all three of us.
I look at my boys, and I know they are all fine. Wonderfully thriving–in spite of or because of my choices doesn't really matter. And I can actually look back on breastfeeding fondly, in spite of how difficult it was at times.
Wait comments are open? I've been busy this week and I'm only just catching up on my reader…
I was going to send you and e-mail to say thank you. I love it when people talk about how much they enjoyed nursing their babies while not making me feel like a freak for hating it.
I had a very hard time with Oliver (my first). It hurt. Like worse than anything labor and delivery related. And I had PPD the first few weeks, so I was a mess already. I hated showering because the water hurt. Everything hurt (he was over 9 lbs and my girly parts didn't appreciate that) and the nursing felt like an assault. AND it was obvious that something was wrong. In the first week, my 9+ lb. boy lost a whole pound. I sat in a doctor's office hearing about how I had to nurse my EIGHT POUND BABY every two hours because he was dropping weight. What is wrong with this picture…? Eight pounds is bigger than the average newborn!
But on the upside I was told to supplement with formula. Just sitting with that baby nestled in my arms eating happily while I experienced zero pain was one of the most hedonistic experiences of my life.
It finally stopped hurting at three weeks. And at that point my 50/50 formula/breast milk schedule had become more like 75/25. I knew I had to go back to work in a couple of months and would then have to pump (which I loathed since it made me feel like a cow and only produced a measley few ounces at a time). So I said screw it – we're done.
Oliver? Didn't notice. Made no difference to him. And the bottle was plenty snuggley as far as we were concerned.
When I had the twins I discovered the problem.
I knew from the moment I looked at that pregnancy test that I would NEVER nurse another baby again. In fact when the doctor asked me if I planned to nurse, the entire practice probably heard my "NO!" (but I have to say that I LOVED how she whispered to me, "with twins? I don't blame you.")
Ten days after the twins were born, my milk came in. TEN DAYS! And when I say my milk came in, I mean I felt a mild discomfort and fullness. Then the next day it was gone.
Okay – that was a very long lead in…so I'll make my point succinctly. Nursing is far more complicated than the la leche league mavens of the world make it sound. If it's the most natural thing in the world – why is it so difficult for so many women? I hated it. And I'm not ashamed to admit that. And I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoyed it – but that you don't judge me.
I really think nursing is a very personal issue. That said, I'll talk about it easily, but feel a bit defensive about my choices no matter who I'm talking to.
My first did not nurse. I pumped exclusively for 6 months. It sucked. Yeah. But she was my first and I was stubborn and I did what I thought was best.
My son nursed immediately, voraciously, and for about 14 months. He pretty much self weaned.
My last baby is still nursing once or twice a day at almost 18 months. We skip a day here and there, but she still wants to nurse in general. She's my last so I continue. One day she'll be done and so will end my nursing days.
I'm not sure I'm ready for these days to end.
Wow, I totally get this post. and THANK YOU for posting it. Before kids,I never realized what breastfeeding could do, for me and my babies. I always knew it was a good thing to do and I wanted to do it for as long as I could. It wasn't until I had my oldest that I realized how emotional it was. I am thankful I was able to nurse all my babies until they were at least a year (and I don't begrudge anyone else who didn't). My oldest self-weaned around 15 mo, my middle child I had to force wean her at 20 months. My baby is going on 19 months and still nursing, (just at bed time). I feel the same bittersweet feelings that others have mentioned. I am ready to be done with this, but I am also sad, knowing I will never again look down on a suckling baby nuzzling and cooing and happy. IT brings tears to my eyes to think of the memories I made while nursing my girls.
Thanks for this beautiful post :)
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