The Lonely Blogosphere and our expert guides are off Traveling the Blogosphere again at All Mediocre. Stop by and take a tour of One Ping Only.
Meanwhile, here in Anyland, we’re talking about whales and kayaks and the marriage disputes in between. By the way, I’ve found no definitive answer on whether whales make snot, but they definitely vomit. Whale vomit is called ambergris and it used to be used in perfume. Now you know.
January, 2005. Sea of Cortez and various tiny islands therein, Baja, Mexico.
HSSH and the kayaks.
“We are not all that likely to see one,” I grumbled to HSSH as we launched our piddly little boatish thing into the Pacific Ocean.
And the gods laughed.
Our tour group practiced paddling for like fifteen minutes on the first day and then set out for our first overnight island stop across a seven mile channel. Major grumpiness set in after about a quarter of a mile. I think I mentioned that arm strength is not my thing. I felt sick. My arms hurt. At the launch, my husband and I had an under-our-breath hissing fight about whether we would be spending the week in one double kayak or two single kayaks that ended with me sobbing in fury into his ear something like “if you don’t kayak with me and your unborn child I swear you had better have enjoyed the conception sex because it will be the last you will ever have.”
I admit that I was sitting in the front of our kayak pretending to paddle while I stewed.
Notice how I am not even attempting to pretend to paddle really.
I saw nothing. And, yeah, you freaks, THESE ARE NOT BOATS. There is no starboard or port on a boatlike structure the width of my shoulders. We all rested and watched what might have been whales frolicking a few miles away. Who could tell? They were miles away. The occasional spout of water was cool, but could every one not see the endless expanse of water between us and dry land, not to mention lunch. Plus, the stationary bobbing was not helping my stomach. Yay! Whales! Let’s go already.
Eventually, the oohing and ahhing ceased and we paddled onward. A group of eager, experienced paddlers led, then a few kayaks spread out in a row, our friends and then HSSH and I, dead last by many meters. Next to us paddled Kilda, the rear guide, tasked with keeping our pathetic paddling asses moving.
Kilda and I chatted while HSSH paddled. (He’s still bitter about not getting his own kayak on this trip). She noticed my anti-motion sickness bracelets.
“Do you get seasick?” asked Kilda.
“Sometimes, but I’m pregnant and that’s not helping.”
“Oh!” squealed Kilda. “Dolphins love pregnant women. They did this study in Australia where they put ten woman in with dolphins and the dolphins separated out the pregnant ones and guarded them. Whales too. I’ve only heard, I’ve never paddled with a pregnant woman before.”
And, ya ain’t now Kilda. Notice how I’m not so much paddling as riding in the kayak while he paddles. She continued to look at the freaky pregnant non-paddler in awe. That’s right Kilda, because pregnant woman don’t paddle that much, because they are grumpy and nauseous and they have to pee and eat more than once every six hours.
“Looks like the whales have moved,” commented Kilda. “There is this one story of a whale coming really close to a pregnant paddler and….”
PPPPLLLLLSSSSSSSSBBBBBBSSSSSSTTTTTTT!!!!!!!
That is the sound of a whale blowing it’s hole uncomfortably close to your tiny, glorified-piece-of driftwood boat. I know because at that exact moment a whale blew about 300 feet behind us.
HSSH: “Holy crap. I think it’s right behind us.”
Pure genius, this one.
Kilda: “Hey! Stop everyone! The whales are behind us.”
HSSH: “I think he’s coming toward us.”
PPPPPLLLLLLSSSSSBBBBBBSSSSSSTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! Fifty feet. YOU THINK???
Kilda: “Awesome.”
Me: “He knows we’re here, right? OMIGOD. Does he know we’re here? DOES HE?”
And, then she (we met eyes and I know this was a mother, a creature of the deep, leviathan mother) surfaced right beside us. Between our boat and Kilda’s boat. Right freaking beside us and she totally checked me out. I saw her eye give me the once over.
Whale: “Yeah, I have sonar, thanks. I know where you are, weird floaty thing with weird floating shrimp inside of your belly. I see your bones and your beating heart. I see and feel everything on the ocean.”
I ceased my grousing for all time (okay, for a few days) because holy awesome nature. A 200 ton, largest animal on earth, blue momma whale just surfaced next to our kayak to chat.
No one gave him credit, when we rehashed the visit from the deep over and over the whole week. No one said, nice one pregnant lady, but I know. I met that whale’s eye and I know.
Thank you, little embryo that became my first son. Thank you, mother whale. Thank you nature. I bow to you. You are awesome.
Holy AWESOME Nature is right!! Lucky you and good job pregnant momma. I’ll paddle your kayak anyday.
BTW, this is the best thing I’ve read on the blogs as long as I have been blogging. (other than your potty training expedition)
Thank you! Feel free to come by and whisper sweet nothings into my bloggy ear any time ;-) HSSH stands for High School Sweet Heart. My husband and I met when we were sixteen. Kinda lame, I know, I’ve been considerng going with real names lately. I’m tired of initials and acronyms, so I know others must be.
Great post – wonderful pics!
OOOOHHHHH!! High School Sweet Hearts! That is sweet! On another blog I read, the mom calls the children Thing One, Thing, Two, Three and Four – which is kinda fun. Although I have met some very nice bloggers on blogspot, I was blogging on another site and people can get a little crazy. I would have some made up names. After that experience, I won’t give anyone my last name and I’ve decided to call my son “my little scout” on my blog. Always protect the innocent.
BTW, in a few days, I’ll be married 15 years and my husband and I got engaged a little less than two months after we started dating. Our first official date was New Years Eve and we got engaged Feb. 19th, then married July of the following year.
Awesome! Herman Melville has nothing on you.
Wow. For an anal retentive, risk-averse lawyer girl you sure have had your share of adventures.
What a beautiful experience. Dolphins swam along side our catamaran in Hawaii and about peed in my pants I was so excited. I think I would have passed out from excitement to see a whale so close (or actually to see one).
Amazing! I would never go on a trip like that since arm strength is not my thing either, nor camping, nor toilet sharing… plus, I can guarantee you that my husband wouldn’t do the double kayak thing, darn him but you are soooo lucky.
BTW, love the “under-our-breath hissing fight” commentary. We call that “whisper yelling” as in “Don’t whisper yell at me!” (It was on Friday Night Lights so we aren’t that clever but we do use the jargon!)
What an incredible experience!
A few years ago my mom went whale watching in Baja. Apparently, she got to see a mama whale in a different light…that is, a whale being made a mama.
She was on the boat with an older British couple. My mom loves to retell the story of the whales surfacing and the very posh and proper British woman saying, “Is he…? Is that…? Oh my!“
AWEsome story. I am just loving your blog, hon…
Marinka – They call me Anymommy. I couldn’t resist.
Renee – I kept hoping to attract a pod of playful dolphins, but it didn’t happen. One awesome nature experience per horrendous camping adventure alloted.
Nissa – Whisper yelling. Exactly. We have prefected the art.
Insta-mom – Great story! If the proper British lady had used ‘wanker’ like they do on British sitcoms THAT would have been awesome.
Tracey – Thank you muchly. Really.
That’s so way cool! I love the trips you took. It makes me realize that I should have saved less money and had some more fun….
I LOVE the theory that sea creatures are attracted to pregnant women!
What a great story! One to tell the kids when they’re older, for sure!
Neat stuff. And, I learned so much just from this one post! Awesome nature, indeed! :-)
i love the thought of this…
but feel like i would be scared out of my mind when it actually happened.
WOW! I actually saw some whales in argentina about 10 years ago…and i was a few weeks pregnant at the time–though didn’t know it yet! I enjoy your writing, thanks!
What a cool experience. I found your blog through AM, and have been perusing the archives. You’re my new favorite blogger!