It’s the small gestures that make me feel loved, not the big ones. When my husband remembers my favorite drink (no question what that is, right), or brings my favorite ice cream home from the grocery store. When he rolls over and gets up with the baby on Saturday morning even though he worked all week and neither one of us got to sleep in. That he catches up with my mother when she calls before he hands me the phone. That he calls me every single day from work to see how things are going.
To me, those little every day gestures are the things that make a relationship work, long after the blush and tingle of newness have faded into the triviality of mundane daily life. Little gestures that tell me he knows me, he remembers things that are important and poignant for me. Those small offerings and humor have seen us through nineteen years. Well, little things, humor and alcohol (after we reached the age of twenty-one, of course).
Nine years ago, on a cruise ship off the coast of Italy.
Him: What are you thinking about?
Me: I’m day dreaming about this day in the future. We have our own house with a beautiful garden and you come home and surprise me with a a chlamydia vine.
Him: I come home and surprise you with a list of people in the chain of my unfaithfulness that resulted in my contracting a venereal disease?
Me: WHAT?
Him: What are you talking about?
Me: What are you talking about?
Him: Don’t get all indignant with me, you’re the one who brought up Chlamydia.
Me: The beautiful flowering vine with the huge purple flowers that covered the bower where we sipped wine today. At an Italian vineyard. On our honeymoon.
The vine of my desires. I also desire back my wrinkle free face and undyed hair, but we can’t have everything.
Him: Little buttercup, light of my life, that was not a chlamydia vine. Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted disease.
Me: Pet names laced with sarcasm are not romantic. It started with a C and sounded familiar.
Him: …
Me: …
Him: Don’t get all grumpy with me. I was a good new husband. I asked what you were thinking about.
Me: Don’t do that.
Him: Deal, it’s scary.
Three days ago at our beautiful house with the disaster of a backyard that we are trying to make into a garden.
Him: Hey! Come out to the car. I got you something.
Me: I’m blogging.
Him: You’ll like it.
Me: (grumbling) Walks to back of house, out the door and into the driveway.
Him: I went to the hothouse and got you a present.
Me: …?…
Him: Take off your clothes.
Me: Daytime. Driveway. Not a chance.
Him: That’s the only way to give it to you. I went to the hothouse special to pick up Chlamydia just for you.
He opens the tailgate of the van. There are two gorgeous starter vines covered in gigantic purple flowers.
Him: They’re called CLEMENTIS.
Me: I both love and hate you. I can’t believe you remembered. I TOLD you it started with a C!
Oh, and always letting me have the last word. What’s the glue that holds you and your partner together? And don’t say ‘shared venereal disease.’ TMI
We’ve only been married three years, but I think that our marriage works because he has the good sense not to take me too seriously when I’m freaking out, and we both have the good sense to apologize – whether we think we were really wrong or not – because we know that we love each other and it shouldn’t matter, in the long run, whether he forgot to put his coffee cup in the sink (AGAIN!!!!)
Today has been a nightmare morning with the kids after a nightmare night at a car dealership. And then I got locked out of my email so I called The Hubs and wouldn’t let him hang up because I just needed to know there was an adult on the other end, an adult who understood how I felt at that moment.
And then I came and read this. And I thank you for sharing this moment because I needed some sense of peace and contentedness today.
Plants and marriage…you need to remember to water them both even in the hectic, miserable, chaotic moments.
We’ll be married for 3 years this August and it’s still a work in progress, but we have a shared vision of our relationship that we literally wrote out a few years ago. I love that when things get particularly tough he’s the one to grab that piece of paper to remind me just what that vision is.
That is so romantical! And oh my goodness, if he hadn’t given you grief about chlamydia, we could never forgive him.
My aha moment (as Oprah and I like to refer to it) was when my pre-husband got me a deluxe ice cream scooper for my birthday.
Pieces of this story made me think of those genital herpes commercials. I’ve always thought – wow, that’s love – sticking with someone after they tell you they have herpes.
Uh, what were we talking about?
Who ever thought that a venereal disease would be so romantic.
Hee hee…totally giggling at Amy up there!
Anyway, this is such a sweet story! I love the little things, little things like my husband cleaning up the kitchen and getting the coffee set for the morning so that I can sit and watch Project Runway. I think those things are the best.
Plus, while we love to spend time together, I know that he needs his space to clear his head. So he gets many weekends away in the mountains with his guy friends. He comes back happy and I am happy (mostly because I spent the whole weekend reading and watching Friends).
Insta-mom – An excellent motto.
Jenn – That is adorable.
Marinka – Now that is true love.
Amy – Both you and those commercials make me laugh.
My hubby and I have been married 13 years (got married young); ), and I really believe that our senses of humor (dryyyyy and quirky)have really been key to success. We have arguments like anyone else once in a while, but our ability to laugh at ourselves (and each other) has really helped us (especially now with a toddler and a baby!) Sounds like you and your husband have something similarly wonderful!
today…
i’m not sure what it is that keeps us together…
is it the fact that he’s a pilot and is gone 1/2 the week? is it the kids?? or…is it that he knows me more than anyone else, and he has some major blackmail material???
any other day, and i might feel completely different. today is rough. but, i love this post. it really is those little things, isn’t it?
that is one sweet story..
i think making each other laugh is what bonds my husband together. simple, but it’s gotten us through a lot.
Awwww, that’s so sweet! I love Clementis. I defintiely don’t love chlamydia.
My husband and my glue is complementary. I cook, he cleans. I run herd on the wee ones, he does baths. I straighten, he vacuums. I play softball, he umps. etc Such a sweet guy :)
And he’s bringing me dinner home tonight (he took the wee ones to the pool to swim and is eating out with my parents) because I was too tired to go out and was going to take a nap. Hmm and now I’m reading blogs. Ooops.
Oh that is so awesome.
That’s all.
How sweet! Oh how amazing flowers grow in Italy. We went on our honeymoon as well!
That is so sweet.
After 10 years of marriage Bubs knows the answer of where we should go out to dinner. He gets up every Saturday with Bunny to give me my time off. And he does the dishes. Seriously I couldn’t have drawn him up any better.
We have some pretty cool husbands (mostly) and awesome relationships.
Um, but, I have been ruding informed that I STILL HAVE IT WRONG.
The flower is called Clematis. Whatever. We own it now.
the glue? laughter. hands down.
great post!
I decided that I wasn’t going to tell you it is clematis because it didn’t really matter…it will always be chlamydia to you!
Clematis always make me think of my dad – long story, but that’s how I knew what it was. Yours is the most gorgeous shade and I hope you have it for years to come.
I’m not married, so I can’t share my glue, but there has always been shared humor in my best relationships.
Love that story! How sweet of him to remember.
Our glue is laughter, as so many others said. And patience, especially on his part. I can be a major PITA, although he denies it.
I love that vine too! Most people around here have them on their mailboxes. Beautiful! I love the small things too. They mean so much more. And fortunately, my fiance’ is great at them too. Nice to meet your blog, I found you through “But Why Mommy?”
What a sweet man!
Most recently, my husband drove all over Utah on a Saturday to find me an iPhone.
God I love this man…..
*sigh*. This is the sweetest story ever. Sadly, something like that would NEVER happen in my house, sweet saint that my husband is, because his brain is a sieve. It’s not intentional, something about misfiring neurons and a diagnosis of ADD, but he can’t remember what I asked him to get me this MORNING nevermind many moons ago.
We’ve been married over 10 years, and I definitely think his ability to make me laugh, and his willingness to let me be the CEO of our life, has kept us together. We have the same sense of humor and crack each other up. He is also very tolerant of my issues with power and happily lets me micromanage everything. No stress for him and control for me – it’s a win/win.
I thought they were called Clematis.. hmm..Anyhoo, you have possibly the sweetest husband ever. Hilarious that you thought it was called Chlamydia..LOL Amy, those get me too!
What an incredibly romantic story made more so because it was so real and unforced. (I have to admit though that I thought the same thing your husband did when I heard chlamydia.)
What holds us together? A long shared history and the way we can still make each other laugh – mainly when we finally have five minutes for some romance and end up lying in bed laughing ourselves silly instead.
This was just such a beautiful post. LOVE IT!
As for what holds us together? Also the little things. And the LACK of a shared sexually transmitted disease ;)
It’s official. We’ve summed up the secrets to loving relationships and they are laughter, patience, letting us be in charge (me too MM) and last but not least, iphones.
I now need to go and discuss my lack of said iphone with my wonderful husband.
Hi! Thank you for checking out my new blog! I love yours, and have been following it for a while – found it through my sister, mama ginger tree. You are awesome.
Oh, and the glue for my husband and I is that whenever I am upset about anything at all, my husband says “it’s going to be ok”. The best part is that he does this because years, years, years ago when we were first dating, I told him that this is all I wanted him to say when I was upset, worried, etc. He still does it, and I love it.
I was screaming clematis the whole time I was reading!
Clematis are beautiful. My husband never teased me about confusing them with an STD but he DID destroy my very gorgeous clematis.
Sounds like your hubby is very sweet.
Him and I must have beers someday. The STD and hothouse comments are just my style.
Me & Jenna are wrapping up 7 years in September, and here's what I like about us. We don't "process" everything. We don't talk everything out. We just drop most of it. We both have wills. They cross. We get miffed. And we drop it. But of course I drop more than her because I'm so sacrificial.
What a lovely, hilarious post this was. My husband is very much like yours. He remembers the little things that I say offhand and in passing. He remembers the the things that I forget I even said. He is a SAHD to our four busybodies and he’s great at it.
KEEP THAT MAN!
I have to know though…. did he walk into the nursery and ASK for Chlamydia? Did he???
STUMBLING this one. It’s too funny not to!
that is a darling story!
we’ve been married 16 years (together for over half our lives) and you are so right, it’s those little things that make a difference….that make me smile remembering….
That is a great story. :)
I love it when my spouse does things like that. It’s really the little things that matter the most.
Laughter. Patience with each other. Respect for each other. I do the laundry, he empties the dishwasher. ;) The little things, like remembering to pick up Diet Cokes on the way home from work, or calling me in the middle of the day to tell me about something he saw/heard/did that he knew would make me smile.
Gah. That’s both hilarious and touching. What a guy!
Did you take off your clothes later? Forget it…don’t answer that.
What a funny, precious story. Your honey sounds like a great husband.
Hubby and I have been together for 10 years and we still have those funny sweet moments. It’s wonderful when your husband is also your best friend.
Linked from Mir @ Cornered Office…
Knight and I have been married 7 years, and I think our secret is to go to bed angry. Most of the time, we find that it’s FAR better to get some sleep rather than stay up all night hashing things out. Things always look more sensible in the morning after a good night’s sleep… and we both say things we don’t mean when we’re tired and angry.
great story, I’ve been married for 27 years, and I can still say that he is the love of my life, my best friend and the greatest guy in the world!!