A snippet of conversation between a group of childless, twenty-something girls at my sister’s bachelorette party.
Gorgeous Girl 1: I saw a birth on Lifetime Health. So gross. The baby is covered in nasty slime when it comes out.
GG2: I know. I can’t believe people take pictures of babies right out of the box like that. Hello? No one wants to see your baby until it’s cuted up and washed.
GGs1-5: [Laughter.]
GG1: When I have a baby, I don’t even want to hold it until they’ve cleaned it up.
GG3: Yeah, I’m with you. Why do they put it right onto the mom’s stomach like that?
GG1: That’s exactly what they did on this show. Put it right on her all smeary and gross.
GGs1-5: [Noises indicating general nastiness of newborns.]
Dear Gorgeous, Clueless Friends of My Sister:
I kept quiet at the party when you talked about how gross newborns are, but I had a good laugh inside. I was just like you ten years ago. Before HSSH and I had children, if birth came up, I would wax eloquent with the same beautiful, brazen, blind ignorance. No one would flop a slimy newborn baby up on my stomach. Gross. I didn’t want to hold it until it was clean and wrapped neatly in a soft snuggly blanket of appropriate color. (That was when I wasn’t claiming that I never wanted children at all because they were loud and annoying and because they could not be put in a kennel when I wanted to travel.)
I know this won’t mean anything to you now, but you’re wrong. No, really, you are. When you give birth (and oh, beautiful girls, I wish that for you, effortless conception, easy pregnancies and births without trouble, without loss, so that you will never know how lucky you really are), you won’t care. You will scream and cry and struggle and fear. You will labor and come out the other side a changed woman. They call it childbirth, but it is also motherbirth. When that slimy baby finally emerges, covered in blood and mucus and ooze, you won’t hesitate. Your only thoughts as you reach for it (him or her now, but we won’t know for years), like Bilbo stretching for the ring, will be “Give him to me. He’s mine. MY PRECIOUS. I want to hold him close. I want to feel his heartbeat and touch his face and keep him warm and safe with me forever.”
You will wrap your arms around him and kiss his slippery head and snap your teeth like a cornered badger at the nurses trying to wipe him down because you will never, ever have loved anything the way you love that tiny child. You will love him covered in ooze at birth and covered in poop at one and covered in mud at five. You will love him when he spits venom at you at ten and when he refuses to speak to you at sixteen. With a love that transcends gross and that is blind to ooze, no matter how nasty.
You call me in ten years. I’ll sell my children if it’s not true.
Love, Any Mommy
This is precisely why I treasure you anymommy…slime and all!
Beautifully written, and true. Every word of it.
Thanks for stopping by my place, and for your comment. I have to go add you to my reader and blogroll now. So glad you found my blog so I could find yours!
HA – well my perfect little angel (this is my sarcastic side) was born with no slim or blood on him! He was so far down the birth canal, and they had to break my water (I do recommend two eggs a day), but there was no blood, no slime, no nothing! HA
Good blog!
How right you are!
Okay, “right out of the box” is freaking hilarious.
You are so right. I loved my slimy baby.
exactly.
perfectly written.
So perfectly put!! Out of the box…hehehehe
Out of the box cracked me up too. That’s one of the reasons I remembered the conversation. They are a riot. I’m looking forward to seeing them all again at her wedding.
So true, and I SO missed out on that when my wee ones were born. They were both C-section (not my choice) and both were rushed off as soon as they were born — Mister Man because of worries about mecomium and Little Miss because she wasn’t doing so hot. Plus, I guess when you’re under anesthesia, they don’t let you see your children at all until you’re all better (about 2 hours), which I’m still irritated at (if you can’t tell).
But yep, childbirth is beautiful!
This was so sweet! Though I’ve had two babies and I have to admit – the actual birth stuff still freaks me out. I’ve never watched a birth and I don’t plan to! I did LOVE holding my perfect slimy, bloody newborns, though.
yes yes and yes!
And as they get older; they might stay cleaner but things get emotionally messier. But still you wade right through it to love them.
AMEN! This is beautiful – and so true. Love, Carrie’s Mommy
They should be so lucky to hold them right away! Like Michelle, I had to have an emergency c-section. They held my son near me so that I could see him, but I was under so much anesthesia, that I could barely turn my head. I didn’t get to hold him for almost three hours after he was born!! I would’ve given anything to hold him when he was still slimy! Great post, it brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for visiting my blog, I am going to go soak up some more of yours!
Michelle and Mommega – exactly, it is a gift to get to hold them right away. It means that every thing is okay for mom and baby. I wish they would all get to hold their slimy babies, so they don’t experience the fear of having a baby (or mom) need medical help.
But, I’m not sure anyone can understand that until they experience it themselves. Anyway, I’m so glad that c-sections are possible, so that healthy, happy babies are possible!
Beautiful!
I never had this experience myself, so I love reading and hearing really good descriptions of childbirth. (Twisted, huh?) This one is one of the best. Thanks, girl!!
Wow…
Great post!
It is one of the primal experiences so hard to understand before you’ve been there!
I have four precious babies, and I had miscarriages too! I am so frequently trying to explain this love for a child that hurts so much it is like the greatest joy and the greatest pain all wrapped together.
Your post made me cry and laugh. Love it!
Very true indeed.. I can’t imagine having my newborns all washed up before I snuggled and kissed her, and looked longingly at their beautiful faces!
Beautiful story – perfectly spot on.
I came by All mediocre and via Jane ;)
My Little Drummer boys
AMEN Sister! Rock on with your bad self. I love it. With age brings wisdom and better manners. :)
wow…..I love your blog, love your layout, and love this line:
“They call it childbirth, but it is also motherbirth.”
I came here from allmediocre.
So true. Their ignorance is sweet, though.
And like a couple of you here, I know the feeling of the baby being whisked away to the NICU before I could see her let alone hold her slimy self. (She’s fine. We were only in there for 8 days. My heart goes out to the families there for months.) When it came time to visit her there, I actually went up to the wrong crib and stared at the wrong baby for a few minutes! I didn’t even know what she looked like. I got the slimy treatment with baby No. 2, and it was bliss.
Wow, love this post. Absolutely love it.
You’ve got a way with words, Anymommy. You make me laugh and cry at the same time!
Oh, this was spectacular. I’ve actually read about 6 of your posts in a row, and was enjoying the ride too much to stop and comment. I came over from Thursday Drive (how I got there is another story).
Absolutely true and absolutely perfect.
why didn’t i find you sooner? this post is hilarious. and a joking conversation i would have with my sister about slimy babies straight out of the box. omg, straight out of the box? that’s hilarious.
Beautifully put!
You are an absolutely amazing writer. thanks for such a beautiful post.
read your post and fell in love with how you so easily but truthfully explain what it feels like to have a baby , labour and come out a changed woman. I am wondering if i can e-mail a link with your site to a couple of my mother friends, or copy your story and sent it to them? you can e-mail me at rtlamber@live.ca
I found your blog recently and this post brought tears to my eyes. Very beautiful and very true.
New to your blog today…and, just love it!
"motherbirth" – so true, and so well said.
Why have I not read this before now?
My pregnant, hormonal self read this w/ tears in my eyes. Mercy. I love this post and it, once again, confirmed my creepy internet love for you.
Hugs friend.
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I am a Dad. I attended all three of my children’s births, if that is the correct word. I have to say as a father, it is a very moving experience although I felt kind of like a spare wheel most of the time.
But when that little head started coming out, I just went weak all over. I really believe that once the baby arrives, everything in your life changes! Your preconceived ideas and notions vanish and all of a sudden you have a new set of criteria to live your life by.
A bit of goo, I don’t think my wife even noticed to tell yo the truth.
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This line shows me once again how incredible you are in your ability to think about the universe and weave in that knowledge into your great writing.
“you won’t hesitate. Your only thoughts as you reach for it (him or her now, but we won’t know for years)”
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